Blank Pages
by chelley0207
Summary: Blackwater rated M for language and later chapters! Leah leaves La push to get a fresh start in life. She also wants to make her life more positive instead of focusing on the negative.
1. Blank Pages

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything ! S/M is responsible for the name Renesmee I don't want to be.**

**Chapter 1 Blank Pages**

**Leah's Pov**

I could not help the thoughts that flew through my mind once I realized that I had reached the point of no return. Once I made a run for it I knew it would be a while before I returned back to my home. La push was the place I was raised. I had my first kiss, my first love, and my first heart break that ruined me. I had nothing else. I had horrible memories and experiences so I left.

I had some money saved up and I did graduate from high school so I am here. I am sitting in the parking lot my job on my lunch break trying to calm down because my boss is an ass. My eyes are closed I am leaning back in to my seat pretending to be on First Beach on a cool day and the water is hitting my feet after an intense run through the woods, and what do I hear, I hear that bitch knocking on my widow.

"Leah, you are five minutes late I need you to clock back in." She said staring at me. I said nothing opening the car door and slamming it as followed her back in to hell. Her name is Monica but I ordained her as bitch or ass about two months ago. I do not understand why she believes that this piece of shit job is cream of the crop. The phone begins to ring I am wondering if I ignore it will it go away?

"Leah I know you hear the phone ringing." Bitch is glaring at me with her hand on her hips.

I answer, "Thank you for calling Shop-n-Save this is Leah. No this is shop-n-save not Home Depot. You're welcome." I said while slamming the phone down.

"You could be a lot nicer on the phone." Bitch was talking but I am not listening.

"I'm sorry what did you say," smiling widely at her.

"Nothing, you should take off. I will get Kyla to close."

I should have thanked her but I didn't. I just turned around and bolted out the door. When I got home I checked my voice mail messages and I had four. My guess was mom, Seth, mom and Seth. "Hey Lee it's me Seth, well I guess you realized that ...umm call me back. Love you." I had a less enthused facial expression.

"Leah it's your mother, you know the one who raised you. Yeah are you remembering can you give me a call back?" I rolled my eyes and waited on the next message.

"Hey Lee, its Jake, your mom gave me your number I just…" before he could finish I skipped the next message.

"Hey. It's me ..." A month ago I sent Seth a letter giving him my cell phone number. I never answer when they call and I thought it was nice if they at least have my number. It made sense when I did it but when I check my messages it doesn't make sense anymore. The truth is I was ready to go home - I've been ready to leave. Working at the Shop-n-Save was a bottomless pit of hell. The only good thing about it was that Kyla worked there and she was really cool. She never asked me why I was so tall or why I was bitchy. She just understood me without me telling her much. She is like me running from something. She moved here last month she said she had too many siblings so she left. I told her I got really pissed off one day and never turned around; which was true. A year ago Jake and I had a nasty argument where I said things I meant and he said things he meant while Nessie was being Nessie?

It started during a horrible thunder storm that the little fairy predicted. We were in her parent's cottage.

_**~Flashback~**_

"_Leah?" I was in daze when she called my name. _

"_Yes, Nessie" I was wonder what the hell she wanted. _

"_Are you in love with Jacob?" She asks while stroking her hair. _

"_I-I …what?" I was in shock wondering where the hell that came from._

"_I see the way you look at him, are you in love with him?" Yes, I was in shock._

"_You did not have to repeat yourself. I heard you the first time and do you hear what you're asking me? How I can be in love with your Jacob?"_

"_Leah it is quite possible to be in love with my Jacob so stop avoiding my question." _

"_I'm not avoiding! I just think that your question is ridiculous and don't know where it came from." I was yelling at her not on purpose but I couldn't help it._

"_Would you like to see some evidence?" She asked me holding her hand out. _

"_Why are you yelling I_ _can hear you outside?" Jake came in ringing his hair out which was wet from the storm._

"_Nessie believes I'm in love with you." I was standing up with my hands on my hips. _

"_Well, are you?" Jake asked me smiling. _

"_I am out of here!" I was yelling at the top of my lungs so I bolted out the door and Jake came running after me. Iit started raining even harder as I told myself not to phase. Jake caught me in the front yard._

"_Lee, what's wrong?" He grabbed my arm._

"_Let go of me. I can't do this anymore." I jerked and he stiffened._

"_What's wrong with you? She was just asking a question." He let me go. _

"_Jake, it's not that she asked me it's that you always take her side." He looked down his eyes not meeting mine. _

"_Lee I'm sorry." He grabbed my hand._

"_Jake, you should be. What she is four? I have a four-year old asking me if I'm in love with you. Before you speak I know she's 'advanced' but damn can't she just be simple?" He looked confused. _

"_I am not simple; I am very complex and I am twelve." She was standing in the door way of the front porch. "And I feel sorry for you." I just stared at her. _

"_Leah, I'm sorry that she ask you things that make you uncomfortable but she is my imprint and I can't help but side with her. I will ask her not to make you feel uncomfortable." He turned to Nessie and asked her, "Nessie, please, don't ask Leah questions that make her feel uncomfortable." Then he looked back to me. _

"_Jacob she is in love with you!" she stomped her feet and I phased._

"_Nessie get in the house and lock the door I will be right back." Jacob phased._

_Jacob phased and went after me but I was fast and the fact that it was raining did not slow me down._

'_Leah, calm down what is this really about?'_

'_I truly and utterly do not like nor care for your IMPRINT!!!!'_

'_Leah, be fair.'_

'_Be fair? I have been nothing but fair Jacob Black.'_

'_I have been fair to you as well.'_

'_Bull shit, Black. You let me join your pack, thank you, but the extra shit I do is over. I am worried about me from now own!'_

'_What extra shit have you done for me Leah? Besides be a class A bitch to everyone including me your Alpha.'_

'_Oh my apologies oh Mighty Alpha. I shouldn't treat you like everyone because you're so fucking above us. I should have never tried to befriend you!'_

'_Fuck you Leah.'_

'_I wish you would!'_

'_What?'_

'_Nothing! FUCK YOU!'_

_I couldn't lie to myself any more. well I could but I couldn't lie to him because the images in my head betrayed me._

'_Leah did I just see that?' He stopped dead in his tracks._

_I stopped and phased back. We were in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, and the rain still hadn't slacked up I just stood there and then he phased._

"_I'm sorry." That was all I could say._

"_Leah, how long have you felt this way?" He was looking directly at me. _

"_I- it's not I feel it's… I." I started to stutter. _

"_The truth would be nice Leah" He looked at me his face was so solemn. _

"_When, we were in the forest of about four years ago." He gasped. "When Bella was still human?" he rolled his eyes at me. "Yes, we were talking about me being genetically dead and I thought maybe after you got over her I –I just." He smiled at me. _

"_You hoped we would have a chance, a chance at normal." He didn't understand me. _

"_Not normal but I would have someone besides Seth and my mom." I grabbed his hand, "You didn't want to imprint and I was pretty sure I wouldn't. I thought maybe you could control it if it happen because you didn't want it." He rubbed my knuckles. _

"_Leah I –I." Then he kissed me. Jacob and I had a kiss in the rain butt ass naked. The kiss was soft but rough. _

"_Jacob do you love Leah?" We both turned quickly. _

"_Nessie? I told you to wait at the house." She looked at Jacob as if he broke her heart. _

"_Answer my question?" He looked at her puzzled._

"_Nessie I need to get you out of the rain."_

"_Jacob you can't love her. She isn't right for you otherwise you would have imprinted on her and not me." I was hurt again. "She is right, do not follow me." I phased and ran. _

I haven't looked back. All I kept thinking was that the spawn was right. Then I thought I how hurt I was by him and her. I didn't like to be around her but I was for him. I hated the Cullens but I liked them because Jake and Seth did. I sacrificed a life, outside of our supernatural world for the pack.


	2. Close Blinds

**Chapter 2: Close blinds **

**Disclaimer" I don't own anything S/M Does. If it was up to me Jasper would have gotten much closer. **

**Leah's POV**

The phone starts ringing waking me up out of my flashback. Looking over at the clock I realize its 11pm. "Hello?" I answer.

"You're welcome." Kyla responds back.

"Thanks." I sigh as she giggles at me.

"What are you doing?" She asks and I roll out of bed.

"I'm wondering why you're calling me so late." She sighs heavily.

"Because I'm standing outside your door with four bottles of tequila and margarita mix." I hang up the phone and walk to the door to see her standing there with a bright smile on her face and my favorite brown liquor. I invite Kyla in but she looks both scared and happy at the same time. I love Kyla because she reminds me of Seth. I think that if Seth is to ever imprint I want him to imprint on her – she's gorgeous. She has a bright smile, dark brown eyes, and beautiful dark smooth skin. She's about 5'5" and of medium build – a nice match for Seth. "I come bearing gifts." She declares proudly and then sticks out her tongue at me.

"I'm glad because I'd hate to have bitch out my only friend." I say with a smile.

"Awe, Leah you do care." She answers back smiling widely.

Once in we both get straight to work pulling out ice and my blender. We're on our 4th bottle and sloppy drunk when Kyla comes up with a horrible idea that I, unfortunately, am dumb enough to agree to. "You should call the guy that you're mad at." She says pouring me another shot.

"And you should go home to all those damn siblings. And how do you know it's a guy that I'm mad at?" She rolls her eyes at me.

"Let's just say I recognize the signs." Kyla answers while nodding her head. I wonder does she really know or is just pretending?

"And I recognize that you're crazy." Ignoring me she grabs the phone and scrolls to Jake's number. She is fast for a human or maybe I'm just drunker than her.

"Leah." Jake calls snapping me out of my thoughts. I quickly cover my mouth so he won't be able to hear me breath. "Leah, you don't have to speak. Just stay on the phone for a while." I can hear the smile in his voice – I've missed it.

"Jacob, who is it?" I overhear Nessie's voice in the background.

"It's no one." Jacob answers after a moment hesitation before hanging up. Kyla gives me an apologetic look.

"Leah, I am _so_ sorry. I didn't think." She puts the tequila bottle down.

"It's fine. I'm going to sleep but you can crash here. Blankets are in the closet." I turn away so that she can't see the hurt look on my face. But she still must catch it because she jumps up and gives me a giant hug. She pulls me so close it reminds of the hugs that Mom used to give me after Sam left me for Emily. I will not cry but I was still broken inside and the pieces were slowly being put back together.

"Leah, I don't know everything about you but I know that you were really good to me when I first got here. And you deserve love. If you love this guy then you should fight for him." I don't say anything and instead hug her tightly. I wonder do I have enough fight left in me? I quickly let her go and walk into my room lying down on my bed not knowing what to do next. I have a new life and a job. I actually have a friend who doesn't turn into a wolf. I should just let go of Jacob, Sam and my anger but for some reason it seems that I can't – no matter how hard I try.

Three days have passed since that night and I haven't left the house. Kyla calls and asks me if I'm going to work tomorrow. I told her 'yes'. She is concerned; I could tell by the sound of her voice.

Jake has called back but I refuse to answer. I got so frustrated that I threw my phone across the room. I guess that Nessie having alone time with her weirdo parents in the 'love shack' which is why he's calling. I can see them now, Bella sobbing about something stupid and Edward encouraging the spawn to continue not to speak, verbally, but to communicate with her freaky powers.

**Jacob's POV**

I've called Leah twice but with no response. I know that she's just staring at the phone. I _have_ to know why she called after all this time. I couldn't hear her breathing meaning that either she covered her mouth or put the phone on mute. Sometimes I just want to take off, find her and use the Alpha command telling her to bring her ass back home. After I do that, what is next? What do I say? 'Lee, I do feel the same way…sometimes?'

I'm supposed to go to Nessie's in the morning. They will be leaving soon and I still haven't made up my mind. I just don't know what to do with Nessie getting ready to start high school this fall. I just don't know what I want. Everyone is starting over or so it seems and I'm just stuck in the same spot next to my imprint. What the hell am going to do in Alaska? Bella and Edward are going to the University of Alaska, of course. The rest of the Cullens are going to travel for a while.

Here in La Push nothing is going on since Embry and Seth are now living together in Sue's home since she moved in with Charlie. Embry, Seth and Quil take online classes at the Peninsula College in Port Angeles. Then there's me. I'm the 'Alpha' which I don't want to be most of the time and so no one really bugs me about it. Sam and Emily are expecting their first child and he wants to stop phasing. See? This is why I _need_ Leah. She always makes the best decisions and I just miss her. When she was around everything seemed simple and so much easier to manage. I should call her one more time and hope that she finally answers.

I dial the number and hold my breath hoping for a miracle. "What do you want, Black?" Leah answers sounding very disgruntled.

"There's an emergency and I need you to come home!" I say quickly. I'm lying but I just want to see if she takes the bait.

"What – what happened?" She questions and I can hear the panic in her voice – I feel bad now. "Black, are you fucking with me?" Leah asks huffing and puffing.

"Yes…and no." I answer anxiously. "Look, I want you to come home…more like I _need_ you to come home. We can get through our issues." She sighs lightly on the line.

"The only _issue_, Black, is that I was hoping for something and once again fate fucked me over. So now I just want to forget." I sigh deeply frowning at her words.

"So, don't you wanna come home? Just at least speak to us? You know…like you haven't said anything to us since the letter. Well you mentioned everyone except for me but I know you were still mad." I was just hoping it wasn't on purpose.

"Look Ja – Black, I am upset and have been for a long time now. And I'll, probably, will always be upset because I got the fucked up end of the stick. I'm doing well where I am now. I have an apartment, a job, and a friend who doesn't know anything about our freak world. I. AM. HAPPY." She shouts angrily.

"So who is he?" I demand. 'Please don't let there be a guy, please. And if so I hope he's really fucking weird as hell.'

"HA!" Leah laughs bitterly. "Black, are you trying to be funny? You know guys repel from me – I scare them off. She's a girl and she doesn't ask me why I'm tall or why I can be a bitch. She just smiles and accepts me." I can hear the smile in her voice and breathe a sigh of relief that there isn't a boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, Lee. I didn't mean to say he…I'm glad you're happy. I wouldn't want it anyway." I admit with a weak smile. 'Good, she doesn't have some guy distracting her.'

"Well, Jake, I got to go. I will," Leah begins but I cut her off.

"Lee, wait. I, I just want to ask you a question." I wait expecting her to hang up the phone.

"What?"

"Will you please call your mom and brother? You don't have to do it now but when you're ready. You could just check in on me, uh, them, okay? I bite my bottom lip hoping that she'll give in.

"I will consider it, okay? But I make no promises. Well bye." Leah says and the fact that she'll consider it is good enough for me.

"Bye…and Lee?" I just _have_ to tell her how I really feel.

"Yea?" I hold my breath – I can't tell her.

"I do, that is _we_ do love you." She doesn't say another word and hangs up. I don't know where my head is. I want her back and I've missed everything about her. But right now…I'm just happy she answered her phone.

**Leah's POV**

The whole time I was on the phone with Jake I kept hearing Kyla's voice repeating, 'Fight for him'. I can't help but laugh because this is not a normal relationship. He didn't meet her at school or at the mall; these two were pre-destined. How in the hell can I fight with destiny especially when I know that I'm going to lose? Destiny hates me. That bitch and I haven't been friends in a very long time. That is what happens when you're a mystical creature.

I've pissed myself off with negative thoughts by just lying in my bed and letting thoughts of Jake fly through my mind. Particularly, the night we kissed in the rain. Our bodies were hot even though it was freezing outside. He had his hands wrapped around the small of my back and mine were wrapped around his neck. His lips were so soft and from his memories, I know, that he'd only kissed two other people before me. His first being, Kim during a game of truth-or-dare and that was before she was crazy about Jared. And the second being, of course, Bella Swan and that was by trickery. He kissed far better than Sam. By playing these images over and over again I'm only succeeding in torturing myself and bringing about my own sexual frustration. I'm so pissed that I sit up and throw my alarm clock at the wall screaming, "Damn you, Jacob Fucking Black!"

I get up deciding to go for a run – in my human form. I will admit that I thought by staying human I would eventually get my period. It's just a theory. I still have some dreams even if some of them seem so far away. I get dressed throwing on my racer black tank top and some shorts, lace up my running shoes, grab my IPod and head out the door. I start jogging listening to Lenny Kravitz's 'Fly Away'. I feel like I'm flying even though I try to keep a normal human pace. But the more I think about Jacob the more pissed off I get and so I start running harder and faster. Then BOOM! It happens.

Leave it to me to knock someone over while running. I was so caught up in my thinking about Jacob that I wasn't even paying attention to where I was running and run into some guy. "Shit, are you okay?" I look down at him curiously.

"Yea, but my nose is bleeding. Shit that hurt." Oh my, he was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

"I am so…so sorry. We need to get you to the hospital." I suggest just hoping his nose isn't broken.

"No, no it's okay. It's not broken. I'm just bleeding. Can you help me up?" I stick out both of my hands and pretend to struggle while helping him up. He doesn't need to know I can lift him with just one hand.

"Of course, damn…I really messed you up. Are you sure you're okay?" I ask dusting him off. He looks at me and smiles.

"Yea, I'm fine. By the way, I'm Ray. And you are?" He introduces himself and offers me his hand. What is my name?

"Le – Leah." I'm not sure what I think of Ray but he's definitely a breath of fresh air. Ray takes off his shirt and holds it to his nose. We sit on a bench together in the park.

"So, tell me why were you running so fast in the park at night?"

"I run to clear my mind and I just so happen to be really fast. I just wasn't expecting people to be out this late."

"I was running to clear my mind as well." Ray says smiling at me. "And from what I can tell we're the only two people out." I look around finally realizing truly how late it is.

"Yea, it looks that way." I turn back to Ray to see him smiling though he's in pain.

"So, Leah. What were you ridding your mind?" I can't help but frown at his nosey-ness.

"Nothing special. Just the daily challenges in life." He sighs but gives a knowing smile.

"Let me guess. Boss is an asshole, boyfriend made you mad and your mother doesn't treat you like an adult." I can't help but stare at him awe and wonder if he's going through the exact same thing.

"Well...I don't have a boyfriend but the rest you're right on the money." I clarify smiling that he thought that I would even _have_ a boyfriend.

"Someone as pretty as you are will not be alone for much longer." Ray says smiling - and he was right. I wasn't alone for much longer aftre that first encounter. He asked for my number and two nights later he called me and asked me out for coffee. We've seen each everyday after that.

The old Leah is hiding somewhere deep inside when the new Leah busted out. It was quite obvious that Jake had someone who was pre-destined for him and had already found. I had long since given up on Sam and I ever being together again. So, you know what? I deserve someone of my own. Ray and I are not 'officially' dating but I can see it happening one day. I like him because he isn't like anyone else I've ever met before. He's mixed, Caucasian and Hispanic descent, was an army brat meaning that his family moved quite a bit when he was a kid, he's about 6'3", has green eyes and his skin is about two tones lighter than mine. He graduated from the University of Washington with a degree in speech pathology and is currently working on his masters. Like me, he has a job that he hates but is grateful for it at the same time. He's an assistant for a guy who owns a huge real-estate company.

Time with him has made feel like a totally different person. I can even look in the mirror and see the difference. I _know_ I happier than I was when I last talked to Jake. It finally feels as if my life is finally on the right track and everything is going so well. That is...until one afternoon Ray tells me something that I _so_ wasn't ready for.

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! Thank you Kei Kat Jones!! Who's an awesome beta??? You are!!**

**Happy Holidays!  
**


	3. This New Life Scares Me

**Chapter 3 **

**This new life scares me**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Twilight characters. Talk to S/M about that! **

**Leah's pov.**

It has been almost a year since I left La push and it's been about three months since the day I met Ray. We are sitting on my living room sofa listening to music. Out the corner of my eye I see Ray open his mouth and shut it. I can tell he wants to say something I just don't know exactly what it is. I turn to look at him and he says, "Leah."

"What?" He looks at me and grabs my hand.

"I want to us to be official." I place a hand on my chest.

I'm not ready to do that I look at him and say, "I told you I'm not ready for _us _to be official yet. You have to meet my family and I….," I feel like I'm going to throw up at any minute. I feel the vile sour taste coming up my throat – it's creeping up to my mouth.

"Which I'm ready to do, but you won't let me." I get up and walk to my small kitchen and lean over the sink.

"It's not that I won't let you. I'm not ready to go back." I say as I hear him walking into the kitchen sighing.

"It's been a year. When will you be ready?" I slam my fist on the counter.

"Drop it! I will be ready when I am ready!" He starts pacing back and forth.

"I'm not dropping it. It's been two, almost, three months since we met." He yells at me.

"I'm not letting you bully me into being your girlfriend. So either you keep what we have or _leave_." I suddenly feel an undeniable pain in my chest and it's because I'm lying. I am ready. I'm just afraid of what may happen.

He walks toward me and looks at me pleadingly with his eyes.

"I'm not a bully. I just know that you're stubborn and you like to be in control but I don't want you to control how you feel about me!" That is it. For some odd reason he is reminding me of Sam. His eyes are pleading but in some way turning me into putty at the same time.

"You will not tell me what to do. I can control whatever the hell I feel and if I feel like I don't want to be 'official' well damn it we don't have to be."

I really didn't mean it but I was losing.

Ray gets up and leaves. He doesn't say anything and he doesn't even slam the door. That just pisses me off more that he isn't upset. I'm furious! I want to go run. No. What I really want is to phase. I feel the grey fury beast wanting to burst out. But, I can't go for a run nor phase because Ray is running. That's what we do when we're mad; we run. I'm now blasting my stereo. Most likely making my neighbors hate me. I'm shuffling through iTunes trying to find songs that I listened to when I was going through it with Sam, dad, and phasing. I'm going to Duffy song. I'm scared which I often listened to because the truth is I am scared most of the time.

It is the theme song of my life. Since I left home I have been doing extremely well. Kyla convinced me to call my mom and brother. I think Jake had a little something to do with it. I will never admit it though. I can't let some random guy I met randomly one night in the park ruin all that I have built. Maybe this is good because he could've been a serial killer or something. And this is the only time fate wants to help me by getting rid of him for me. Okay, I have officially lost my mind. One, fate hates me so I would be dead before her old ass decides to lifts the spiritual orb or whatever she has to help me. Two, Ray is the best person I have met besides Kyla since I got here. Three, I don't have a three. I want Ray; plain and simple.

I'm lonely. Ray hasn't called me and being the stubborn person I am hell would freeze over before I call him. I finally speak to my family and they want to know where I've been. But I only tell them things I want them to know.

"Leah I'm glad you called. Why did you wait so long?" My mother asks.

"I'm sorry, Mom. It's not your fault but I have a lot of things to deal with and well I want to deal with it alone - with no distractions." I tell her.

"Are you alone? Are you doing better?" She asks me.

"NO! I have a friend her name is Kyla. She is very nice to me and I'm doing better than I ever expected." I tell her.

"Take all the time you need but don't be afraid to call home. Just get better."

She sounds happy for me. I want to know how she's doing so I ask, "How are you?" I can hear her smile over the phone.

"I'm fine. I moved in with Charlie."

"You what?" I exclaim.

"Leah, do not judge me. He is a nice man and he was really good to you and Seth when you did not deserve it." She snaps.

"You're right I'm sorry. Tell him I said 'hi'. Seth wouldn't happen to be there would he?"

"Yea, he's right here. He's so excited I thought he would phase sitting next to me." I can hear him in the background overly excited.

"Hey sis!"

"Hey Seth."

"Leah, I missed you so much!"

"Yea I missed you too. How have you been?"

"Really well, um mm …..Embry and I live in the house now."

"Are you doing well in school?"

"Yea, the best student, wolf's honor."

"We all know wolves lie." I sigh.

**Jacob's POV**

**Flash back**

_**After Leah left Nessie became very sick. I got bitched out by her family for letting her be in the rain.**_

_**This was not my fault I told her to stay at the cottage and she chose to follow Leah and I. Things were pretty bad I was suffering because Leah left and we did not hear from her. Embry, Seth and Quil went to look for her while I stayed by Nessie's side. I wanted to go look for her so badly but I couldn't leave Nessie's side for longer than a few minutes.**_

**_Watching Nessie have a temperature that wouldn't break scared me and the fact the Leah disappeared without a trace scared me more. Bella squeezed my hand along with Nessie's and sobbed. She looked so helpless. Edward had a similar look on his face when Bella was pregnant and wouldn't let anyone take Nessie out of her womb. The look was desperation and I knew he would do anything to stop his wife's tearless __sobs and his daughter's temperature from rising. All I could think was I cannot keep doing this. I was in pain, it felt like Nessie was leaving me and I was going to be alone - again. Leah left me so if Nessie and Leah are both gone then what will I do? That's what I thought for, what seemed, to be a week straight. While I should have been leading the search party for my beta I was stuck next to a bed with my imprint. Quil supported me saying he understood but he didn't understand everything_.**

_**Quil only see's Claire while I see Leah and I know that I'm suppose to only see Nessie.**_

_**Nessie had flu like symptoms her fever was high, she was barely coherent, and she complained of her body aching and headaches. She had the chills and she'd developed a horrible cough. She wasn't able to keep neither solids nor fluids down. She**__**was starting resemble Bella's vampire appearance. She had dark circles under her eyes and though her temperature was at an all time high her skin was cold. She also smelled different she - she smelt more like Edward. It was making me sick to my stomach.**_

_**Nessie was slowly dying and there was nothing we could do. Edward was bothered the most because she was dying and he didn't know if he could save her like he saved Bella. He wouldn't admit it but I could see it written on his face. Edward was in a bad place and I was hoping he would be able to come out of. **_

_**The rest of the Cullens were afraid for her too. Rosalie sat in the corner of Nessie's room and wouldn't move. Emmett had to physically remove her from the room so she would go and hunt. Alice nearly drove herself insane for the second time trying to see her future though she knew it was impossible. Jasper stood quietly trying to calm everyone's emotions he eventually grew tired and let us be. Esme hummed quietly around the house cooking for the pack after they would come back looking for Leah. Carlisle was being the best he could be. He worked miracles on everyone in the house but he didn't know if he could save Nessie himself. **_

_**Every time I felt like running I would get up but then I would have to sit back down. Realization hit me that I will always be tied to her. **_

_**After a week Nessie's eyes fluttered and then they were open like Snow White after her prince kissed her. **_

"_**Renesmee?" Bella smiled.**_

"_**Mother?" She looked to her right. **_

"_**Renesmee we're here" Edward said with a smile with hope returning to his face. **_

"_**How do you feel?" I asked her. **_

"_**I am aching all over what happened?" She asks. Rosalie chimed in.**_

"_**The Mutt let you play in the rain." I rolled my eyes and yelled. **_

"_**I did not allow her to."**_

"_**Rosalie, Jake stop." Nessie held up her hand.**_

"_**Was this when Leah and you were arguing?" she asks.**_

"_**Yes."**_

_**The rest of the Cullen's began talking and asking questions so I kissed her forehead and told her I would come see her later. Relief took over my body once she woke. I felt like I wasn't stuck here anymore.**_

_**I heard Nessie ask Edward what was wrong and he told her I needed some space which was true. Later that night I found myself in human form wondering the woods. Then I heard Sam's howl. I phased and was bombarded with questions.**_

_Why didn't you tell me that Leah took off?_

_I didn't think it was any of your concern._

_Jacob why wouldn't it be she still is a part of La Push and if someone goes missing it's your duty to inform the elders and me._

_How did you find out she was gone?_

_I ran into Sue at the market and she told me. She looks worried._

_Sam, is that all you wanted?_

_No, how is Nessie?_

_She woke up today…she seems fine._

_Why did Leah take off?_

_We had an argument…_

_If you hurt her Jacob. I …._

_You will do what? _I snarl stepping closer to him bearing my teeth.

_Jacob I don't want to fight you but I will if you inflict pain on Leah._

_She is already in pain …you beat me to the punch, SAM._

_Jacob I heard things about you and Leah and I'm not going to ignore them. You have an imprint so act like it._

_I do act like I've imprinted. It's _you _that thinks about Leah constantly. All you want is your 'Lee- Lee' back. Newsflash! You and Emily hurt her the most, SAM._

_**I phased back in to my human form which took a lot for me to do. I went to the Clearwater's home to check on Sue and Seth. I spoke with Sue and she was the one who told Sam and of course Seth told her. She told me she was desperate for someone to find Leah. That's when I realized that she may never come back. I understood wanting something and not being able to have it. I know how it feels to just run and not want to think about anything. I know how it feels when you stop running and the pain hits you head on and your heart feels like it won't beat anymore. I know how she feels but I was given a second chance and she was not. Fate gave me Nessie so that I had a chance at happiness. I have someone who loves me. I sometimes wonder if love was enough for me. Nessie and I will never have arguments and I will always agree with what she says because it hurts when I don't.**_

_**I left the Clearwater's to go say goodnight to Nessie. When I got the cottage she was waiting for me. **_

"_**Jacob?" She called. **_

"_**Yeah it's me. How do you feel?" I smiled weakly. I felt like I was living a lie when I stared into her eyes.**_

"_**I am better now that you are here." She smiled at me. **_

"_**Jacob did Leah come back? She asked**_

"_**Leah left two weeks ago." The pain stung. My beta left me because I was siding with an imprint. I wasn't being a man or a good enough alpha.**_

"_**When will she back?" She asked. **_

"_**She may never come back, Ness. She was really hurt."**_

_**I hated talking about this. When I said those words I felt it. I felt the pain. The pain I inflicted on Leah and the pain Nessie inflicted on me. **_

"_**I am really sorry Jacob ……she will come back." She whispers reassuringly.**_

"_**Nessie, how sure are you about that?" I question. Sometimes Nessie confused me. **_

"_**I don't know….I am sorry." She got up and hugged me and my heart felt warm. **_

"_**It's OK." I hugged her back and kissed her forehead. I felt the pain again.**_

"_**Jake will you sleep in wolf form on the floor?" she asked**_

"_**NO!" Edward yelled from the sitting room of the cottage. **_

"_**Why, not dad?" Ness demanded. **_

"_**Because he has a bed at his house and he will come see you tomorrow." Edward said. **_

"_**He is right, Ness. Sides my dad misses me, you know." I said. **_

"_**Okay." she said disappointed. **_

"_**I will be back tomorrow." I told her**_.

**End Flash back**

I'm lying in my bed at my father's thinking about what happened when Leah left.

All I can do now is shake my head. I can think about how difficult that time was for me when Leah left. I wasn't alone because Nessie has been there for me every step of the way. Therefore I am making my decision to go with them. Maybe I can take business courses at the university. I want my own garage so I need to learn how manage it.

**A/N: Thank you Kei Kat Jones for being my beta you take my horrible writing and make it perfect.**

**Thank you to everyone who review my story.**

**GHOST READERS I REALLY APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT YOUR READING MY STORY BUT WHEN YOU PUT MY ON ALERTS AND DON'T REVIEW IT MAKES ME UPSET! **

**WHEN I READ I REVIEW ITS NOT THAT HARD!**

**ON TO SOMETHING POSITIVE I WILL BE IN MEXICO FOR A WEEK. I LEAVE THIS WEEKEND! **


	4. Missing someone can't be healthy

**Chapter 4**

**Missing someone can't be healthy**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!! **

**Leah POV**

I'm starting to miss Ray. He hasn't called or text me and no email.

Kyla called me earlier and asked if I wanted to go run so I'm here at the park early so I can stretch. I haven't been here since Ray and I had our falling out. Kyla walks over with a red racer back top and some black tights she's looking very cute today.

"Ky, you look cute today."

"Thanks. Your green is complimenting my red." She says noticing my green sports bra with some long black sweat pants.

"Great. We look like some over grown Christmas elves. Who want to be Santa's little ho's rather than helpers."

"Leah, that's," Kyla begins but is cut off by an old white man passes by us with an over-sized belly and a small t-shirt.

"Afternoon, ladies." He greets while passing by.

"I told you." I whisper pointing at the man as he continues on. Kyla and I talk about our day and she agrees that what happened with Ray was justifiable but maybe I was overreacting a bit. But 'overreact' is my middle name. As we're running I pick up a familiar scent that runs past me.

"Leah was that Ray?" Kyla asks and we start slowing our pace down.

"Yeah." I answer looking back to only see him slowly walking towards me. I start jogging away with Kyla following after me.

"Why aren't you stopping?" She asks me looking back at Ray.

"Because," Leah Clearwater doesn't chase.

"Hey, Leah." Ray calls out to us while running up to us. I give a small smile and nod to Kyla to let her see what I mean.

"Hay is for fucking horses." I say.

"Leah, don't do this." Ray pleads. "I miss you." He says hugging me as I smile pulling him closer.

"Leah, I'm going to sit on the bench while you guys talk." Kyla says before walking off to sit and then stare at a guy running with his shirt off.

"So why are you running?" I ask him with a smile. "Did your bitchy girlfriend piss you off?"

"I actually don't have a girlfriend but my _girl_ that is a friend did piss me off." Ray says with a small smile.

"I'm sorry." I tell him genuinely meaning it. _This is a first_. I quickly realize.

"Did Leah Clearwater just apologize?" I did just apologize. I can't believe it. I never say I'm sorry unless I truly do something wrong.

"Yes, I did. And I want you to be my boyfriend." He's standing there with his mouth open. I've not only apologized but want to enter into a relationship. Leah Clearwater is changing and it feels good. Ray picks me up, gives me a hug and kisses me over and over again.

"Ray, just don't try to force me home."

"I want Leah – I only want the best for you, remember that."

"I see you two are back together." Kyla says while walking over to us.

****

Ray and I are going to work on _us_. I'm not ready to go home just yet but I am tired of being alone. Ray doesn't want to rush me to do anything I'm not ready for. Like Kyla he's encouraged me to work on being a better me instead of concentrating on the negative things. Things are looking good for us. I've start opening up to him and at least now he knows the things Kyla knows.

There is one thing that annoys me about Ray and that is when he gets an idea he sticks with and he won't let it go. We are lying in the bed I can tell he has something to say but he won't say it right away because he choosing his words carefully. He opens his mouth, closes and then he looks away.

"Ray, just say it already." I say quietly.

"How do you know I'm going to say something?" He asks surprised.

"You're doing that thing you do."

"I think you should enroll in school." I give him a weary look.

"I want to go it's just been a while since I was there." I admit.

"Leah, you're what, twenty-two at the most? That's not _that_ long." Just now I realize have I told him my birthday but he doesn't know my 'real' age. I haven't aged. I've been looking like a twenty-two year old for the past six-years.

"Yeah that's still old to be a freshman." I throw out.

"You will be fine. You won't be the only person either. I've already talked to Kyla and she wants to go back too."

"Were you discussing me behind my back?" I ask him starting to feel very defensive. I don't like it when people talk about when I'm not there to defend myself.

"No, she asked me about school and then she told me that she thought about going back. So I told her she should and then I thought you should and you could do it together." Ray answers.

"Ray, I am going to tell you this once and only once." I'm starting to get pissed. "I am not a child. I do not need my friends to hold my hand and walk me to class. I am capable of taking care of myself and others. I am not the one to be looked after or taken care of in any way. _If_ I wanted a mother I would move home and _if_ I wanted a father I would dig him up! From now on you keep your opinions that have to do with me and school to your-fucking-self!" I yell at him. "I don't like the idea of someone constantly taking care of me and watching over me. It makes me feel like Bella-fucking-Swan – Cullen. I am not a sobbing, wrong-sense-of-direction, demon-spawn-having, grave-diving-morbid-**necrophiliac** bitch!"

"Leah? You just blew up so fucking fast without thinking. Fuck! And who the _hell_ is Bella?" He asks looking highly confused.

"Don't worry about it and stop being such an overbearing boyfriend!" I snapped.

_I hope he doesn't watch me in my sleep like that frozen dick bastard Ed-fucking-weirdo._ I thought to myself while silently fuming.

"I suggested school to you because you are too smart to keep working at the fucking Shop-N-Save. It's beneath you and Kyla! I thought that you may want to go with her because she is your friend and when you go to school with friends. You do know what friends are, don't you? Well school is fun when you have someone to bitch to about the professor who wears those strange glasses and grades your paper in purple marker and when she returns it to you it smell like cough drops and cat pee! I am so fucking sorry I care about you to the fact that I want to take care of you because it's apparent that you don't have _anyone_ to take care of you!" He screams at me.

Ray also pisses me off because he calls me out on my bullshit. He doesn't just let me yell and get my way. He yells back at me to let me know that I'm not the only one who has something to say.

"Fuck you Ray. I told you it wouldn't be easy and I don't like being the victim." I scream back.

"I'm not asking you to be a victim. I'm asking you to just let the wall you have between us down so I can at least hug you and feel all of you." It was true. I always held back when we hugged or kiss. The wall I have up is tall and thick and I never meant to take it down because it helps me cope with things. I'm sexually frustrated and I want to have sex with him. I kiss him and so I could let some of the wall I have built up around me down.

"Ray?"

"Yes?"

"If I share something with you will you promise me you won't think I'm a freak or I'm weird for wanting a fairy tale ending in life?"

"Leah, even though women are aware that fairy tale endings aren't true. They still would like the closest thing to it. What kind of person would I be to deny you of that?"

I'm going to tell him some of the truth without adding the werewolf thing to it. So I think at least but before I can process my next thought my lips are glued to his. He smells so good and he tastes good too. I have been deprived for so long. Ray picks me up roughly and places me on his lap. Wrapping my legs around his waist I kiss him roughly and he places his hands on the back of my head before he stops.

"What- did I do something wrong?" I ask looking confused and hurt.

"No, of course not that was perfect. It's just that I – are you ready for this?" My body was ready more than ready but emotionally I'm not. I look up at him and give him a smile but a small shake saying 'no'.

"It's fine, Leah. We can stay like this and talk if you want."

"That would be nice. I wanted to share something with you anyway."

"Alright" I say taking a deep breath in and finally exhaling starting to tell Ray about my past.

"My name is Leah Sarah Clearwater. (Yes I was named after Jacobs's mother). I grew up in La Push in Quileute tribe. I was born on June 16, 1986. When I was nineteen some unfortunate things happened to me. One of them being my fiancé left me for my cousin who was my best friend. Two months after he proposed and I gave him all of me, my virginity, he left me a month later for her. She normally only visited during the summers but she had skipped the last two. I wanted her to meet the guy I was sure I was going to marry.

My father died around 8 months later – he had a heart attack. I still feel like it was my fault and I will feel like that for the rest of my life. I love my father but during his last day he and I weren't seeing eye-to-eye. Emily and my Ex, Sam, were having an engagement party and I refused to go. Being her cousin and her bridesmaid made it mandatory I make an appearance but I refuse to go. I wasn't feeling well that day

"Leah you need to let it go for one day that's all I'm asking." He told me.

I screamed back, "How would you feel if Charlie or Billy was fucking your wife?" He grabbed my hand and he let go of me and clutched his chest.

His last words were, "I'm sorry Lee." He had nothing to be sorry for because I was the one who caused it. Everyday after that I had only gotten worse not better. I became known on the Rez as a bitchy harpy who fell apart and would never be put back together again. I have really good hearing to the point that I hear everything people say when they think I'm not listening.

I haven't had my period in six years and sometimes I feel like that's my punishment for being cruel to my dad.

After Sam and my dad I did love again but it was by accident. I fell for a guy who was my best friend but he in turn is in love with another girl. When we were together he didn't treat me as 'broken Leah' he treated me like the Leah I was many years ago when I was happy.

I couldn't handle it so I left home. I wasn't running because I couldn't find a guy to stay with me. I was just tired. I got tired of being strong for my family and myself. All I ever wanted is to be just simple Leah again. Before all those bad things happened to me I had a really good life and I want it back.

My tribe believes in destiny that the men find the perfect woman and they live happily ever after. So my ex found that with my cousin and my best friend found it with a random person. The girls fit them like a warm mitten on a cold winter day in Forks. The only people on the reservation who haven't found anyone are my brother and his friend, Embry. I felt that there was no luck for me. I have been an angry bitch for a long time and the truth is, Ray, I don't want to be angry anymore I want to forgive and I want to forget."

Ray hugs me and kisses me and I start to cry. Crying in front of someone always been a sign of weakness in my eyes – if you cry then you were weak. Whenever I feel the need to cry I would normally insult someone or I would start to bitch. The truth is I've been a coward for a long time. I've been hiding for a long time and I'm ready to let go of so much. Crying felt so good I never realized how healthy it can be.

I know what I told him was the truth except for the werewolf part but I was ready to forgive and forget.

Yesterday I confessed everything. I want to move on so today I applied along with Kyla to Portland State University. I have to wait for my transcripts to be sent from high school. Kyla went to college and dropped out so she's waiting on her transcripts to be sent as well. Kyla wants to be a social worker and I decided that I want to just be a business major. Maybe if I went home I could own a little café. Who am I kidding? I have anger issues I can't work with the public**.** I have, actually, gotten better. I haven't phased in three months. Kyla is coming over for our girl's night and to help me clean up my room. I'm going to give Ray a drawer since he's started spending the night.

Ray never pressures me about sex I and I love that about him. I want to but that fact that the last man I slept with ran off with my cousin and the last man I kissed while naked is in love with a 5-year old. Precautions on who you bed are very necessary.

The door bell is ringing releasing me from my thoughts.

"What's up?" Kyla asks as I smile at her.

"My alcohol level will be in hour or two." She laughs at me as we walking into my bedroom and she literally screeches.

"Leah what the fuck is this?" She asks me.

"Calm down, this is my room!" I'm obviously offended.

"It's horrible." She tells me.

"It doesn't matter as long as the rest of the apartment is clean." I said with a frown.

"This is why I've only seen the living room, kitchen and the bathroom."

"Those are the most important rooms." I state matter-of-factly. I roll my eyes at her and we get started on the cleaning. It doesn't take long before I find a picture of Jake, Embry, Quil, Seth, and myself.

"Kyla you want to see some of my family." I ask looking down at the picture.

"Yeah." She says taking the picture and looking at it. She, of course, thinks that they all are hot. I would have too if Seth wasn't blood and if Quil and Embry weren't weirdoes.

"Which one is Jacob?" She asks looking up from the photo.

"He is the one in the middle with the red shirt on." I'm surprised he had a shirt on since he ran around naked half the time. I know it's hard to keep clothes with you but damn he never has clothes on.

"Wow… he is huge and cute. Their all pretty big."

"It's the steroids that they put in the chicken. You wouldn't believe how they juice those suckers up." I say laughing.

"Damn you guys must eat a lot of chicken. Who is the guy on the other side off Jacob?"

"That's Embry." She looks like she was seeing God.

"He is cute. Whenever you go home I want to come with you."

"Really? So you can see Embry." I state rather than question.

"Yes and no. I know it will be a big step and I want to be there with you."

After Kyla left I went to my room to lie in bed. I pulled the picture out to look at it. I was missing home again. I am probably going to fall asleep looking at it. For the first time I didn't feel angry. I was slowly forgiving it all while staring at picture.

The night I left I knew they would be looking for me. I snuck out my window and took a backpack, this picture and some clothes. On my way out my window I saw the necklace Jacob gave me for my twenty-fourth birthday sitting on my bed. When he first gave it to me I was pissed because it looks similar to Nessie's and Bella's bracelet. One day I offered to help Billy clean out a storage room in the garage when I saw a pic of Jacob's mother. She had been wearing the same necklace.

_**~Flash Back~**_

_I storm in to Bella's and Edwards Cottage. _"W_hy didn't you tell me that the necklace you gave me belonged to your mother?" I shout angrily._

"_Why does it matter? Instead of saying, 'thank you', you yelled at me and told me you're not and I quote 'the sobbing horny bitch that became a vampire to fuck and the hybrid demon spawn with freaky powers of mind manipulation'."_

"A_ll of those things are true but why didn't you tell me?" I demand._

"I_t wasn't important. It was your birthday and I wanted to get you something that meant something to me. Instead you ruined a good moment and now its over." He looks at me intently._

"W_hy? Why did you give it to me?" I ask slowly while looking into his eyes._

"_Leah."_

"_Jacob."_

"_Leah."_

"_Jacob, we can do this all night but you're going to have to tell me. Why? Why of all people would you give me something that belonged to your mom?"_

"_Because you remind me of her, okay?" He yells anger his fists clenched tightly._

"W_hat?"_

_From what I remember before Emily's muffins became talk of the town there Sarah Black's muffins you wanted to eat. I was no way like Sarah she was beautiful, smart and she could cook. I burn things._

"_Jacob that's one hell of a compliment. Let's go outside." I said quietly which meant let's get out of hearing range. Jacob rarely brought up his mom so I know he didn't want Edward or any one else hearing this conversation._

"_So do you want to talk about it?" He asks once we're out of Edward's range._

"_I'm sorry that I said all those things to you when you gave me the necklace." I apologize looking down at the ground between us._

"_No you're not." He says chuckling lightly._

"Y_ou're right. I meant what I said but I didn't mean to hurt you, Jacob."_

"_I know. Sometimes you think I only think about myself but I think about you too." He says smiling down at me._

"_I," Before I can continue he cuts me off._

"_Let me finish. I didn't mean you remind me of my mom in a creepy way but when she was sick she hid it like you do when you're hurting. I rather remember her fighting than just lying down and taking it. The fight in you reminds me of her and you're beautiful too, Leah." He stands there staring down at me and all I can do is stare right back at him._

_**~End of Flash Back~**_

One day I was going to be ready to go home. But I knew at this moment I wasn't really ready to forgive what happen to me I just wanted to move on. I don't love Ray the way I love Jacob and I am fine with that. I know our love will grow and then it will be better because when you want something sometimes you have to work at it.

**A/N: Thank You to everyone that reviewed.**

**Some of you that reviewed thought that Sue was being harsh to Leah and Seth. She wasn't in this story Leah doesn't give chances anymore because when she does they end up wrong. So I felt like Sue was being a mother and telling her back off when it's appropriate. **

**I was Nominated me for a 2009 Twilight Award for best one shot for Twenty Years. If you love me you will vote for me if you don't I understand! **

**KKJ *best beta* was also nominated for her story Missing You I don't remember what category. **

**Luci-Marlena was nominated as well.**

**Now go review and vote!!!**


	5. I want You

**Chapter 5**

**I want you**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Stephanie Meyers therefore I don't own any of the characters.**

**A/N: This was originally two separate chapters maybe because I'm tipsy I decided to make them one big one :).**

**Leah's POV**

The summer here passed quickly. I love it here so much that if I ever moved back home I would come back here for the summer's alone. The weather is great sometimes the temperature even reaches 80 degrees. There's live concerts in the park which is my favorite place to go.

With summer ended I'm now stuck in fall which isn't as pretty as the summer. It reminds me more for La Push, slightly windy but rainy. The leaves are pretty consisting of different shades of orange, brown, and red that fill the sidewalks.

Before we knew it school has started. Kyla and I are doing well but we barely see each other except at work. We have the same schedule but sometimes she works nights and I work day; it's vice verse.

When she isn't at work I am stuck with Monica. I stopped calling her bitch and ass in June and she stopped getting on my nerves so much.

"Leah you have been quite a pleasure to be around in these past couple of months."

I was shock by what she said. I guess I can say I have changed a lot considering how I was even nicer to the customers. I thought about it and came to the conclusion that if I was mean and they didn't come shop here then my job would be in jeopardy; so I became nicer.

"Thanks Monica." I said.

"I wasn't that nice when you got here over a year ago and I'm sorry." She managed to surprise me again.

"No, its fine, you're not the one. I should apologize to you because I was a bitch. I still am and I didn't give you a chance and I am sorry."

I can't believe I was being nice. I was shocking myself again this was the second time I had apologized this year. I am beginning to like myself but I still don't want to lose my edge. When people run over you they seem to take advantage. I would rather roll over and die before that happened.

"Thank you." I said to her.

It is odd but the bitter Leah hasn't been around for a while. Monica and I talk for a while longer. Kyla was in class so I had to talk to her. I found out why Monica thinks Shop N Save is the shit. She told me that she messed up in life and she was trying to correct herself and the manager here gave her a break like she did me and she did not want to be stuck there but she just got stuck. She told me she did not want the same thing to happen to me or Kyla. Monica reminded me of my mom and how I really needed to talk to her. Ray and I have a date tonight and I'm ready to take things to the next level. We met in March and we haven't actually become a couple until June. It's been six-months and I think I'm ready. While thinking about what I should do my mother called.

"Hello." I answered hoarsely.

"How are you Leah?" She asked.

"I'm fine I was going to call you today."

"What took you so long?" She asked.

"I was in deep thought. I have something to tell you." I said softly.

"Well spit it out." She was excited. I was ready but I was scared because of what I was about to say.

"I have a boyfriend and we're visiting for Christmas break." I said all at once.

"Leah…I-I'm so happy for you." She was shocked.

"Thank you so much mom, please don't tell anyone that I'm coming home." I begged her.

"I won't Leah. What is he like?" She inquired.

My mom and I stayed on the phone for an hour as I told her about my progress. She was proud of me. She told that they guys were doing fine and Jake moved to Alaska and he phases from time to time to keep in touch. When she told me Jake went to Alaska it confirmed the fact that Jacob was forever hers. He chose her and I'm content with his choice, I think.

**Jacob's POV**

We have been in Alaska since this summer; it's pretty nice out here. Nessie started high school since she had a growth spurt again and now she looks either fourteen to sixteen. She straightens her hair now before she goes to school. She told me her locks reminded her of a childhood that was too short. She is tall and lean she's about 5'7 and her skin is still pale thus she tries to tan a bit. Nahuel said that she would start aging like a normal child. He came to visit for about two weeks; he annoys me but Nessie adores him. They are total opposites of each other but they get along so well. I started school with Bella and Edward but I go in the day and work at a garage from two to seven and all day on the weekends. They only let me do simple things because I'm not certified. I'm going to do that after I graduate. I was thinking about Leah yesterday and how I haven't talk to her since the day I told her to take her time coming home; I hope she is doing well. It's now seven o'clock and it's time to get off we were pretty slow today.

"Jay, are you taking off?" Kelly smiled at me like always.

"Yeah I'm going its slow." I said while walking out the door.

"Well good night." She bit her bottom lip and scratched her head.

"Good night Kelly."

Kelly works with me at the garage she calls me Jay. I didn't like it at first but it kind of fits me well that what Bella said. Nessie said that Kelly has a crush on me but she is friendly with everyone. She is a cute girl but not my type. She's from California she moved her with her dad after her mother died. She is short and very tanned with blonde hair. She sticks out like a sore thumb here; she's really quirky.

We have hung out a couple of times but only as friends. The only thing I do like about her is that she is into motorcycles she like I'm in to cars.

I was walking up the steps when I heard noises coming from Nessie's room.

"Ness?" I called at her door. I heard tussling on the other side of the door and opened it when she didn't say anything.

"Ja-Jacob what ….why are you home so early?" She asked me while pulling her shirt down.

"Who are you? Get the fuck out of here!" I screamed at this guy.

She was in her room making out with some guy and she was asking me questions. The guy jumped off her bed and ran out the door.

"You better run, Fucker." My fists are clinched and I think I'm going to phase. "Nessie what the fuck are you doing?" I asked her.

"Jake if I want to kiss someone I can." She said then started to pout.

"That was more than a kiss. You cannot go around acting like that."

"Why the hell not? I can kiss whoever I want!" She yelled and cursed.

"Kissing is one thing but letting someone go up your fucking shirt like you're a whore on the corner is not!"

"I hate you Jacob! And I will kiss any one in anyway I want!" She screamed at me.

"You will not. You are going to stay in this room and do not move and I'm telling your parents!" I yell at her aggravated. I was so pissed that I just wanted to punch something.

"I'm not staying and you're already acting like my dad, Edward Jr." She yelled.

"Nessie sit down and do not move." I use somewhat of an Alpha command except she is not a wolf but she is my imprint and I won't watch while some guy takes advantage of her.

She didn't say anything but did look scared and sat down on her bed.

I went to my room and suddenly felt so horrible for yelling at her like that. So I walked out of my room to go apologize.

"Ness, I am sorry for the way I talk to you." She was crying and stuttering.

"It's fine- I just I wanted to know what it was like. Most girls have had their first kiss and I haven't. I feel behind in the social circle."

"Ness you're beautiful. Guys will be willing to be with you. It just needs to be the right guy."

"Who, Jake? Someone like my dad or you, honorable? I want to make my own mistakes. Is that so bad to ask for a life outside of my freaky world?" She said while looking down at the floor.

"Well not like your dad but more like me." I smiled.

"What if I want something different?"

"Look Ness, you deserve the best and nothing but the best. You should give your all to a guy that has given his all to you okay. Plus you're not ready for anything else just; so just stick with kissing for now."

"Fine I'll try." She said with a smile.

"Hey Nessie I get it. Wanting to be a normal teen but apart of being normal is making normal mistakes, getting caught and receiving punishment."

"I want some part of normal."

"I love you." She got up and gave me hug.

"I love you too."

**Nessie's POV**

It is hard being me but it has to be harder being Jacob. He apologized but he really did not have to because I knew I was wrong. Jacob has been different since Leah left and it was my fault I am sorry that she left because she left him broken. I do not know if Jake Loves Leah romantically but I know that she loves or loved Jake in that way. He didn't just loose his beta. Jake and Leah had become closer friends than Quil and Embry. I wasn't the only one who could make him smile when I entered the room; Leah did that for him as well. She holds a special place in his heart I would never discover.

I was jealous because I saw the way they looked at each other. I wanted Jacob to look at me like that and he does not. My mom has told me over these five years that Jacob was meant for me. I have a crush on him and he does not look at me like that he looks at me like he looks at my mom, a friend. Since Leah left I do not think he will ever look at anybody the same. Sometimes I want to tell Jacob that I love him and I just want him to look at me like that but since I've started school lots of boys looked at me like that. The look is lust.

Aunt Rosalie said that my mom is plain and since she became a vampire it helped her out a bit but she does not hold a candle to me. I disagree my mom was beautiful as a human I think that now she looks like fairytale, like my father and aunts and uncles. The wolves have a natural beauty and I think that's why I was truly jealous. I think Jake stopped loving my mom because she is a vampire. I do not think it has anything to do with the fact that he imprinted. Maybe that's why he does not look at me like that because I am half vampire and as much as he says he loves us I think he hates us deep inside; it's a natural hate he can't help it. I hope Leah is happy wherever she is. I Hope she is doing well for herself and I, most certainly, do not want her to come back. She left Jacob broken and now he is not going to want anyone. He works with a human girl, Kelly, who is pretty and she likes him and he won't go out with her. I use to think he did not date because he was going to be with me. That cannot be further from the truth. He does not date because his heart is taken already.

"Honey, if you feel like that you should tell him." I turned to see my father in the door way.

"Father?" I called. He had been over hearing my thoughts.

"I thought you were not coming home until tomorrow." I said.

"Alice called she saw you with a human and then you disappeared." He said grabbing the bridge of his nose.

"Your mother is talking to Jacob. It seems you have had an interesting night."

"I am in trouble, aren't I?"

"Do you want to be?" he asked.

"I do but at the same time I don't."

"Renesmee if you want to be treated like a normal teenager than you have to learn that behaving in that matter is not permit able." He raised his voice towards the end.

"I know it was wrong…but you already know what I was about to say because you heard it."

"I love you but I don't know what you women see in Jacob Black. I know he see's you the way you are suppose to be seen right now. You're still a child in our eyes though you have advanced. You're still our baby and we want to protect you forever. You know most parents get to see their children grow over eighteen years while we have had to do it in five years, so try to understand honey."

"I will try to father." He kissed me on my forehead and then he walked out my room and my mother appeared in the doorway. She had her arms folded and she was scolding me with her eyes.

"You are five years old and I know that you do not look it but I would appreciate it if you did not sneak around and have boys in your room!"

"Yes, mother but didn't father sneak in your room?"

"Yes but our situation was very different." She said softly.

"How?" I questioned.

"For one, because your father was not up my shirt. Now Renesmee don't argue with me I'm right and you're wrong."

"Whatever." I couldn't believe I was speaking to my mother this way but she honestly annoyed me sometimes.

"I do not like sneaking and being dishonest. There is no reason to do so; we are not prudes and we trust you but when you act like this I do not know what to think of you." She nearly screamed.

"The both of you are prudes but you can trust me it won't happen again." I said rolling my eyes. My emotions were overwhelming.

"Show me." She stated.

I put my palm on her cheek and showed her what I was feeling. It was bad enough for my dad to know but now I had to share with my mother. She did not say anything else she just held me close and sobbed. She always sobbed I don't think it's healthy that she does this so often. I miss having Jasper around he would change her emotions when she was around so it kept her sobbing at a minimum.

"I have one thing to say. I'm sorry that you were in pain I know you're young but you should not have spoken to Leah that way. Maybe I haven't been the best role model when it comes to getting what you want. But the truth is you are a child and children shouldn't speak to adults like that."

She surprised me with what she said. My mother is insightful but she never treats me like she is an adult she usually treats me like we're sisters. I understand fully what she was saying; I know children are supposed to be polite and treat adults as adults. It's just different when the adults look the same age as you. That brings me back to thinking all I want is to grow up normal at a normal rate with normal people – but I can't. My parents are stuck at 17 and 18 forever and a werewolf imprinted on me. It doesn't help that I'm more intelligent than everyone I know. I have feelings for technically someone who could go to prison if caught touching me they way I want him too. My life couldn't be further from the fairy tale my mother was desperately seeking out. They all treat me like I'm a precious item; that I'm the holy grail and I mustn't be broken; they must protect me. When I think about it I was mean to the one person who treated me like I wanted to be treated. Leah was the only one who refused to treat me differently. She treated me like I was a four year old and that's all I wanted and she was the one who gave it to me.

**Leah's POV**

"Leah?" Ray called me out of my thoughts.

"Yes." I answer back.

"Are you okay? You seem distracted?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine but I am distracted." I said quietly.

"Well what is it?" He asked.

"I just wanted tonight to be perfect, how is dinner?"

"Yeah, Leah it is going well and it is perfect."

He took my hand and gripped it. Tonight was perfect we ate dinner, we watched the Notebook, and then went into my bedroom. That's when I began to get nervous. My hands shook faintly and I stuttered my words.

"Leah, it's clean." He said excitedly. It is clean thanks to Kyla and her good cleaning skills.

"Yeah I know I have a surprise." I told him.

"Really?" I went to the dresser and opened it.

"This is yours if you want it that is." Ray looked excited.

"Of course." I was facing him now.

"You can have something else if you want it as well." I said to him.

Then I unbuttoned my dress and let it fall to my feet. I am nervous because I don't know what to expect. The only thing I know is we get naked and rub together. I don't know what to do it has been so long and I had only done it twice with Sam and he didn't know what he was doing. I had a red bra and panty set on and I can tell Ray is enjoying it.

"Are you nervous Leah?" I am so nervous but I want this really bad

"Yes."

He kissed me and said, "I will lead you if you allow me to."

He then grabs my waist and kisses me softly. He moves his hands up my back while he kisses my neck causing me to moan out loud. It feels so good to be in someone arms and feel secure. Ray starts to move us closer to my bed and he lays me down. His kisses are becoming more urgent and rougher. He kissed my cheek bone and slowly made his way down to my neck. Then moans in to my ear and I feel this shiver go down my spine. I want him so bad at this moment I grab his shirt and pulled it off. Flipped over and straddled him. I started kissing his chest. He slid my bra straps off and my smile was wide. He lifted me up and I fell back on my bed. He was now between my legs and I felt elated with joy. He was beginning to lead me to new heights and orgasms; he made me feel wonderful.

The next morning I woke up and he was so beautiful lying next to me. I did not want him to leave. I got up to cook a breakfast that would put Paula Deen to shame.

"Good morning baby." He kissed my cheek. I smiled brightly.

"Good morning." He looked at the pans on the stove.

"What's for breakfast?"

"Bacon, sausage, eggs and pancakes, would you like some?" He smiled.

"Of course it smells great."

We ate breakfast talked and laughed; I felt so complete.

"I decided to go home this Christmas break and take you with me."

"Really?" Ray was just as surprised as I was.

"Yeah." I told myself I could do this.

"So I get to meet Mrs. Clearwater and the gang."

"Yea I guess so."

Time passed slowly when Ray and I were together. Sometimes I thought it was too good to be true. I kept waiting for him to say he met someone or for him to say there was a girl somewhere waiting for him and he couldn't be without her anymore. He never did so I stopped worrying.

Ray took me to his Halloween party for work. I wore a nurse's uniform and he was dressed like a doctor; we were so cute. We complimented each other which is why I value I relationship. Ray was a social animal everyone wanted to be around especially this one realtor.

"Erin this is Leah, my girlfriend. He smiled.

"It's nice to finally meet the girl who takes all of Ray's time." She stuck her hand out which I shook but got a bad feeling about her.

"It's nice to meet you too." I said with a smile. I don't like her, the bitch is hot and I think she wants my Ray. I'm really starting to sound like Bella-dork and her spawn. She had a red devil costume on and I saw him take a peek at her boobs.

"Ray doesn't come to happy hour anymore down at Cranes."

"Why go to happy hour when he can have a happy day and night with me." I winked at her.

"Yea Leah keeps me very happy." He kissed me on my cheek.

"I'm glad I would hate for a good man to be left unpleased." Then she walked off. Ray had to restrain me because he knew I was going over there.

"Leave it alone Leah, she's no threat." He whispered in my ear.

"I know I just want to show her she's not." I said innocently.

"No stay here with me and dance." He grabbed my hips.

That bitch didn't know but I can change into a wolf at any instant and tear her ass in to pieces. Well I could whoop her ass in human form. Ray and I danced we drunk more and then I had to use the bathroom. When I walked up to the door I could hear Erin talking to another girl from the stalls. So I walked in quietly.

"So did you see Ray's new girlfriend?" she inquired

"Yea, she's actually cute."

"Psh…That bitch wishes she looked like me. I think he could do better."

"Oh, do you?"

"Been there, done that. I enjoyed our hook ups but…he wasn't looking for a relationship."

"So you're jealous of the new girl." She laughed darkly.

"No, if I want him I will get him." Her voice was annoyed.

"Yea OK."

"OK, I'll prove it."

I was sitting on the counter waiting for her to come out and she looked like she seen a ghost.

"Hi." I gave her my signature bitch looks.

"What do you want?" She should have not asked me that.

"If you go near Ray I will kick your ass." She looked like she was in disbelief.

"And I'm supposed to believe that you will hurt me, why?"

"It's not a threat it's a promise."

I calmly walked away. If she crossed me the bitchy she wolf will make an appearance. I was not loosing another guy because some other girl was taking claim. I refused to do it and I wasn't going to keep being that girl. Ray and I went to my apartment after the party he spent the night and gave me another reason to be proud to fight for him. The next morning I got up to take a shower and I found myself wondering what Jacob was doing. I had missed him he was a great friend and a better Alpha I hope he was happy with Nessie.

**Nessie's POV**

I'm going to tell Jacob today when he gets home. I am grounded and I cannot go anywhere but Jacob takes me on walks around the forest. I am going to tell him how I feel and will apologize for making Leah leave.

I feel horrible; the guy I was making out with, Brad, told me he was back with his girlfriend. Later I overheard some girls whispering that he was using me so his girlfriend would get jealous because I was totally hot. I believe that was the direct quote. It made me feel bad that I was being used. I felt like I was using Jacob because I want him and I know he would choose me over any other female. I do not want anyone feeling how I feel now.

I thought I was old enough to deal with the emotions I am feeling now but I don't feel that I am. I feel horrible and then Jacob walked through the door.

"Ness, I'm home." I walked down the stairs he was sitting in the den.

"Hey Jacob." He's smiling; at least he is in a good mood.

"How was school?" He asked. I was going to lie.

"It was fine; I need to talk to you." His smiled turned into a frown.

"It's not bad; well I do not think that it is bad." He had that look on his face and I was scared. "I wanted to tell you that I am sorry."

He interrupted me, "what are you sorry for?" He looked disappointed.

"Let me explain myself please, I am apologizing because I was the reason Leah left. I was jealous of her because you started looking at her the way couples look at each other. The both of you had desire in your eyes. I was jealous because when you looked at me you saw a child. I am not a child. I know I am only five but my maturity level does not compare. I look fifteen but I feel thirty-five. Something happened to me at school today. The guy I was making out with told me he was getting back together with his girlfriend. I heard some girls whispering they were saying he trying to make his girlfriend jealous because I was hot. I am hurting and feel like I deserve it because I choose to be horrible to Leah and I am sorry."

Jacob stared at me for a long time and then he spoke. He is shaking and I am terrified.

"Ness I'm not going to pretend that I'm not upset. I'm pissed and your actions have caused me a lot of pain but I don't want you to feel like you should suffer because you were jealous. I love you and yes I love Leah too. I'm sorry that I look at you like a sister and not my lover but I can't. I was supposed to love and protect you and if it came to the point where one day you wanted me romantically then I will be there for you then. But I don't feel that way about you Ness."

Tears are flowing down my cheeks. I knew it was true that he did not want me romantically. I wanted Jacob to be happy but it hurt so badly. He hugged me and I just wanted one kiss I looked up at him and put my lips against his.

**Jacob's POV**

Nessie is kissing me. She put her lips up to mine and her lips were warm. I never pictured myself kissing her. It was soft, sweet and I feel wrong. I pushed her gently away breaking the kiss. "Ness I can't do that." She looked at me with a pleased look.

"I know it was wrong but I wanted a kiss before my feelings left me." She turned and walked up the stairs. I went outside to phase and Seth was phased.

_Who was that girl you were kissing?_

_Hey to you to Seth and you know who it was._

_Hey Jake was that Nessie?_

_Yea..._

_So are you two together?_ I growled at him.

_No…we're not together she told me some bad news and then she kissed me._

_What did she tell you?_ I showed Seth what she told me and he was upset.

_It's her fault my sister went crazy and left?!_

_Not completely she didn't mean to and your sister's been crazy._

_I see that but it was the fact that she did._

Seth and I talked awhile and then I went back the house to speak to Nessie.

"Ness?" She put her school book down and looked at me.

"Yes Jacob." I looked at her and smiled.

"How are you?" She smiled.

"I'm fine Jacob don't sweat it."

I walked out the room. I wanted to call Leah and tell her everything that happened. I took a long hot shower it helped me think a little more. I was going to call. I was sure of it and then I chickened out. I laid in my bed and I listened to my iPod; it was on shuffle I went from hearing 'Baby Got Back' to hearing,

_**You're all I ever wanted  
You're all I ever needed (yeah)  
So tell me what to do now cause, I want you back**_

Nessie must have put this song in here because she for some reason loves N'Sync and they're way before her time. Leah was also a big fan I remember when this song came out I think I was eight or nine Leah was around twelve she made Rebecca and Rachel join her group dedicated to N'Sync. It was hilarious Leah got mad at Rachel about something and kicked her out and then Emily joined. I was listening to the song and it made me call her.

"Hello." I can't believe she answered the phone.

"Hey Lee, what's up?" She got very quiet and I knew she was going to yell at me at any second.

"Nothing I just got out the shower."

I couldn't stop the thoughts from my mind of Leah coming out of the shower.

"You there?" She asked me.

"Yeah I'm here I was just thinking about you and I wanted to see how you were doing." Leah let out a deep sigh and I thought something was wrong.

"Yea, I'm fine I'm in college now. How about you?" I smiled she always wanted to go back to school but she never did much about it.

"Yeah me too. I got a job working at a garage; I love it." I felt quite proud of myself.

"That's great Black, but uh I have to go I'll talk to you some other time."

Then I heard the door bell she either heard the person coming or smelled them.

"Alright." Then she hung up.

**A/N: Review Please!!!! Thanks KKJ best beta!!!! **


	6. Home

**Chapter 6**

**Home**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing otherwise, I would be rich!**

**Leah's POV**

I am nervous; Kyla and I are in the mall getting some new clothes for my trip home.

"So that Embry guy doesn't have a girlfriend?" Kyla inquires waking me up from my thoughts.

"Yeah, that's the story for right now." I say quietly.

"That's good! Do you think he will like this?" She says coming out of the dressing room.

She has on some black skinny jeans on and a tight fitted red and black plaid dress/shirt she looks hot.

"Ky, I don't think he's going to be the only one who likes it." I say excitedly.

We start to laugh and it feels good I actually forgetting why we are here; later that night reality came over. I am lying in my bed tossing and turning unable to go to sleep. My family is going to meet Ray. Good thing Jake isn't going to be there it because it would be strange. I want to be looked at differently by my family and friends. I don't want to be bitter Leah for once in their eyes. I want to show them my smile especially since it hasn't been seen in a long time. I want to look at Sam and Emily and not see red. I want to feel the same way I felt when he was my boyfriend and she was my best friend. I used to love them. I hate what they have done to me but I don't want it to ruin me.

Of course I wouldn't tell anyone that but it is true. I want people who are in relationships not to be afraid to show their love around me. I want my mother to see me happy again. Sam broke up with me I was depressed and when my dad died I was depressed. The last time she seen me smile, a real smile, was when Jacob threw me my 22nd birthday party and Rebecca came back to town. We preformed our old N'Sync routines. I let Rachel rejoin the group because Emily wasn't invited. Sooner or later it would happen I'm going home.

_Round my hometown  
Memories are fresh  
Round my hometown  
Ooh the people I've met  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of my world  
Are the wonders of this world  
Are the wonders of my world_

I sing along to the tune in my iPod listening to Adele Hometown Glory. I roll my window down letting the scent of the wolves hit my nose; I can name every last one of them. I missed this smell it was wet as usual. Ray stopped the car when I pointed to my mom's house and saw Charlie's cruiser parked by the mailbox. Seth is outside before we pull and up he has gotten so much bigger. He has that carefree look on his face with a bright smile and I start to tear up; I never realize how much I missed him. We get out the car and his body crashes into mine, he picks me up and spins me around.

I hated being touched after Sam left but now it feels so wonderful; I'm fine with it. He drops me. "I'm sorry, Lee. I've missed you." I laugh.

"I missed you too." I hug him back fighting the tears that are creeping down my cheeks.

Ray and Kyla walk up behind me with smiles on their faces.

"I'm being rude. Seth, this is my friend Kyla and this is my boyfriend, Ray."

Seth smiles. "It's nice to meet you." He shakes their hands.

We walk in the house and I hear my mom, "Leah!" I smile.

Our house looks the exact same as I left it. It has three bedrooms with a small kitchen and living room. My mom now lives with Charlie in Forks. Seth and Embry are now staying here she must have come and cleaned the place up. Seth comes inside carrying Kyla's bags. "Kyla you can have Leah's old room." She smiles and follows him up.

"So, Ray there's a game on. Wanna watch?" Charlie asks and Ray smiles.

"Yeah that would be great." Charlie and Ray go in the living room to watch the T.V.

"Leah, do you want to help me put dinner on?" My mom asks as I smile.

"Yeah." I say excitedly as Kyla comes in soon after smiling.

"Seth didn't freak you out did he?" She looks confused.

"No, he's quite nice." She says slowly. "Mrs. Clearwater your children are wonderful."

My mother smiles proudly. "Thank you Kyla. And Leah I've invited Embry and Quil." I sigh.

"Did you tell them I was here?"

"No I just invited them to dinner." I'm happy because I want them to be surprised. I don't want the entire rez finding out because then I would have a welcome home parade at my door.

"So what time will they be here?" Kyla asks.

"Oh, it will be much later around 7:00pm." My mom explains while I laugh.

"Kyla has a crush on Embry." My mom looks at me like it wasn't a good idea because of imprinting.

My mom smiles and says, "He is a very nice boy." My mom asks me questions about Ray and we all seem to be getting along. Seth and Ray are doing well.

"Leah, why don't you show Kyla and Ray around the rez? That way people will know you're back and won't bombard you when they found out from other people."

I sigh heavily, "That doesn't sound like a good idea." She looks at me and that was all it takes.

"Leah I'll go with you." Seth offers.

"Okay." I look at my mom to let her know I knew she was plotting something I just don't know what it is. We walk around the rez and I haven't seen anyone yet which is good.

"Seth, what is Mom planning?" I ask and he looks guilty.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I sigh with my hands on my hips.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" Ray grabs me and kisses my cheek. He was reminding me that I am the new Leah; she that does not yell any more. I sigh, "Seth, I'm sorry."

He smiles, "Leah its fine…do you want to know?" He asks.

He explained that if I don't freak out about Embry and Quil coming by then I would probably be okay for a little homecoming party especially since Rebecca is in town again. I wind up yelling away not out of anger. Everyone is going to be there but not all at once which is good. My family, know me too well. I am ready for a change but I am not ready to see Sam and Emily's asses right away.

_**~Later that night~**_

Ray and I are sitting in the living room while Seth tries to keep Kyla's boredom at a minimum. I know she is waiting on Embry to show up. Charlie is handing Ray a beer when Embry and Quil come barging through the door.

"Hey Charlie." They say in unison. Quil slowly turns his head as well as Embry. "Leah!" They run over and pick me up. I figured it was going to be like this every time someone entered the room.

"Quil, Embry this is Kyla my friend and Ray, my boyfriend." Embry looks at Kyla with adoration and I know that he has imprinted – I am pissed, Kyla smiles brightly and sticks her hand out along with Ray.

"Embry, can I speak with you?" He looks at me with annoyance.

"Yeah, sure." he walks over slowly.

"Did you Imprint on Kyla?" He smiles.

"No! I think she is hot." I am happy they both have free will.

"Good, she likes you too. Well she thinks you're hot too."

Embry smiles and walks away. Things are going well I am catching up on what is left of our pack and on what I've been doing. I am happy especially since everyone is accepting Ray. It is getting close to dinner when Billy, Paul, Rachel and Rebecca show up. I realize that the tiny house is getting full. They had not been expecting me either as their jaws drop. I am surprised by the reactions. Paul comes over and hugs me but it's the fact that he's so quiet is surprising. I don't say anything but still I hug him back realizing how much I've missed him too. "You are a bitch, but I love you for the bitch you are." Then he lets me go. Paul and I never will get along but he is my pack brother in a sense, we've grown up together. I remember once setting his G.I. Joe's on fire on Valentine's Day in '95 for kissing me on the cheek.

I tell myself I am not going to cry but then Rebecca belts out, "You're all I ever wanted." A bright smile is planted on my face.

"You're all I ever needed." Rachel sings loudly.

"So tell me what to do now." Seth joins in.

The room went silent and we start to laugh at him. "If you come out of the closet now we won't be mad later." I say with a smile and the whole room erupts in laughter.

Jared, Kim and Collin arrive shortly after. It turns out that Collin imprinted on their daughter, Kara, who is three now. We're all eating when there is knock at the door; we all figure it was Sam and Emily so everyone stares at me to see what is going to happen. With a sigh I get up and move to open the door but Seth gets up and says he will get it; he knows how to save the day.

"Hey, you guys we're all in here eating." Seth sounds extra excited.

Sam and a swollen Emily come through the door with Claire. Quil jumps up quickly greeting Claire. Emily is more than happy to see me her face is lit up like a Christmas tree. I have a fake smile plastered on my face. I maybe ready to forgive but I am not ready to forget.

"Leah!" she squeals waddling towards me.

"Yeah it's me." I tell her embracing her in a hug.

"So when are you due? Looks like your going to burst at any moment." She rubs her belly and Sam hugs her shoulders.

"Well next month will be the big month." She says while smiling.

"What are you having?" I ask as Sam looks at me strangely.

"He's going to be a Jr." Sam says though I was not talking to him.

"Oh." That is all I can manage to say. The pain is all too real as I look at them; she having _our_ baby and there living in _our_ house. My mom starts fixing their plates while everyone is looking on waiting for me to explode. I am handling things well enough. I forget to introduce Ray and Kayla because they seem a part of the family.

"Emily and Sam this is my friend Kayla and my boyfriend Ray." Sam's mouth falls open but he quickly recovers forming a weird smile.

"It's nice to meet both of you." He is shaking their hands as Emily says the same.

Dinner is over now, we're all sitting around talking casually when Sam walks up to me and asks me if he could speak with me. We walk in to the kitchen and I pour us some juice.

"So what do you want Sam?" He shakes his head and smiles at me.

"I see you still have the same attitude towards me. And here I thought you would be happier." I look puzzled.

"I am happy." I state firmly. "I just wanted to know what you wanted." He smiles.

"I just thought that when you imprinted that you would," He says but stops as find myself spitting the juice out my mouth..

"I, what?" He has a confused look on his face.

"You didn't imprint." He states more so than asks and I laugh darkly.

"Of, course not." I say still laughing. "Some of us fall in love the original way. You know by meeting someone and loving them because you want to not because you have to." That comment upsets Sam and he is scowling at me.

"You know Lee-Lee; I did fall in love that way once but fate had other plans for me." I am getting angry now. I am trying to be a new Leah, a non-angry Leah, but he called me Lee-Lee after I've asked him repeatedly not to call me that.

"How many times have I told you that you can't call me that Sam? You lost your privileges a long fucking time ago!" He smiles

"Some habits are hard to break." He pisses me off so much and I just know that I'll never be able to have a conversation with him. Just the simple thought of him irritates the hell out of me.

"Well it's been about, I don't know, hmm six years? So it's about damn time for them to be broken. Anyway, is this what you wanted?" He is wearing a blank facial expression.

"No, I was going to tell you that you seem happy and that I am happy for you. Does he know?" I can't help but smirk at his question because he knows I wouldn't tell anyone about the wolf hidden in me – it's on a need to know basis and right now; Ray doesn't need to know.

"No, he doesn't and I haven't phased by accident because he doesn't piss me off. So we're good." I fold my arms and give him a deadly stare.

"Do you plan on telling him?" I laugh.

"I'm trying not to run him off Sam." I yell.

"Leah you will need to tell him; true love is honest." That comment pisses me off and I don't try to hold my anger back. I let what I feel flow from my mouth.

"Sam you know nothing about honesty. How long were you and Emily fucking around behind my back? How long were you avoiding me and secretly seeing her? You turned into a fucking wolf and disappeared for weeks! I didn't hear anything from you. People were saying you were on meth. I had to listen to people whisper bad things about you and me. But, that wasn't enough for me because I stood by your side. You begged me to be with you, 'Lee-Lee, I love you, marry me. Lee-Lee, it's okay we don't have to wait. I will marry you.' You were a wolf and fucking my cousin so please; do _not _tell me what I need to do to save my relationship because you did not do a very good job at saving ours!" His anger is building as hands ball up into tight fists and he hits the counter.

"That is why I am telling you. But I'm almost certain that you don't love him." I slam my fist on the counter.

"Why do you care? I don't love you!" He is staring into my eyes

I can tell it hurts him to hear me saying it; admitting it out loud in front of him is causing him pain – it stings his heart like mine use to. He is giving me the same look that I, used, to give him years ago. His eyes are full of hate but there is a hint of hope because deep down inside, I know, he's hoping that what I've just said is a lie. He wants us to be able to talk like civilized people like we are old friends. We can't do that; it will never be the same because he hurt me so long ago. He didn't try to hurt me, I know that now, but he allowed it to happen and for that I will never forget and I will never forgive the fact that he allowed himself to hurt me and that she aided in it.

"You bitch about how I messed your life up and you're repeating my actions. I love you Leah. It's not like I used to but I love you enough to tell you that you're wrong. I don't want you with Jacob nor with Ray because you're going to either hurt one or be hurt again by the other." I start to poke his chest with my finger.

"What do you want me to do? Be alone? Have you lost your mind? I came here today because I am happy. I was ready to forgive you; I was ready to forgive _her_. I wanted a fresh start; I want to forgive but I can never forget. But instead I have to listen to you tell me who am I. I know that I care for Jacob but he and I will not be together because like you said fate had other plans. I love Ray, Sam; I do he is not you and he definitely is not Jacob. I met him the normal way and I fell for him the same way I did you. Sam, please can't I have that one thing to myself?" I ask him and a single tear falls from my eye.

Sam hugs me and kisses me on my forehead. He looks at me sternly and he cups my face. "Leah, I know I hurt you." He says leaning into my face.

"Sam don't." I say pushing him back.

Sam looks at me like he is going to make out with me at any second so I take a step back. "I won't hurt him." I say quietly.

I grab his hands. "I forgive you but I will never forget what we had or what we could have had and I will not forget what you did. You hurt me and one day I might get over it completely but right now all I can do is try." He smiles

Sam and I walk out the kitchen and were being stared at by all the wolves. I had completely forgotten that they could hear us.

Kayla and Embry seem to be falling in love in a few short hours. The day is starting to end and everyone was leaving. Eventually the house was empty. Ray and I are staying in my mother's room. Seth left it the same; I think it reminded him of dad mostly. Embry is gonna sleep on the couch. We all stay up late talking about old times and how things were and what I had missed. That night I went to sleep in Ray's arms and I wanted to tell him about the wolf thing but I'm afraid he might not accept me.

I can't sleep; I keep dreaming of Jacob. Sam has pissed me off for putting him in my mind. We were in the forest again and he was kissing me telling me he was sorry. I got out of bed I really wanted to run in wolf form. I haven't phased in a year and I don't plan on it anytime soon. I am going to get my period if it kills me. So instead I go to the kitchen in search of some chocolate chip cookies. After all they are the best medicine right now. When I walk in the living room there is Embry stroking Kayla's hair as she sleeps.

"Hey, Leah". He turns to me and smile.

"So, are you molesting my friend while she's sleeping?" He laughs lightly.

"She kind of fell asleep while we were talking. I'm going to take her up and I'll come back down." I smile at him.

"Alright." I say as he gently picks Kayla up and carries her upstairs.

Embry comes down on and sits beside me putting his arm over my shoulder and strokes it gently. Embry and I never got along until he joined Jacob's pack. I used to be a bitch to him as well as other people but by the time he joined I was a better person in a better place. We almost had sex one night but I was afraid of taking it there.

"So why are you awake?" He asks me with a smile on his face.

"I was thinking about some of the things Sam said to me which is pissing me off." I answer him while stuffing my mouth with cookies.

"Ray doesn't know does he?" I exhale loudly.

"No."

Embry does not say anything else and just caresses me arm as we sit in silence. This is good; there is no pressure to speak about anything. I can't tell Kayla the whole truth so I have to do it with my pack mate who isn't my brother.

"Em, did you hear what Sam and I was talking about?" He looks up at me and laughs.

"It wasn't by choice but everyone who was a wolf heard you." He answers matter-of-factly.

"So what do you think?" I ask already having an idea of what he's going to say.

"Leah it wasn't a secret that you love, or loved Jake. We all knew but unlike Nessie we kept it to ourselves." He says with a sincere facial expression.

"I don't know what I feel for him now." I admit with a shrug. "It's not gone, necessarily, but more as if it is in remission. I was fine without him until Sam's ass brought him up." I state with a frown.

"Lee, the night that me and you almost hooked up. I knew you wanted Jacob." He says with a small smile. I've tried to push that night to the back of my head. It was a summer night we had just finished patrolling and decided to go to the beach.

_**~Flashback~**_

"_Clearwater, why are you out here by yourself?" Embry asks walking on the side of me._

"_No reason-just thinking." I say quietly looking at the ground while I walk._

"_Do you want company?" Embry ask me grabbing my hand causing me to smile weakly._

"_Sure." I say._

"_You know you should smile more often your prettier that way." Embry says cupping my face with his hot hand._

_He pushes the hair out of my face and starts to kiss me softly. Before I realize what I'm doing I'm kissing him back. His hands make their way down the small of my back as I start to kiss him more urgently. He lifts me unto his waist and I start to straddle him, he lays me down on the sand and it is cool against my hot skin. I start to kiss the nape of his neck as he pulls my sweat pants down. He starts to kiss my chest and slowly moves to my navel, then he makes his way to my pelvic bone._

"_Stop." I yell out._

_He looks up at me and I don't say anything I look at him and then I run home. _

_**~End of flashback~**_

"You, you knew what?" I ask nervously.

"I saw you fantasizing about this guy without a face but I knew it was Jakes body." He says eyeing me carefully.

"I was." I say.

"I felt the love you had for him, then, it was stronger than our brotherly and sisterly love. It was more than him being your alpha it was strong." He continues on explaining.

"So why did you?" I ask looking down ashamed.

"I knew that you wanted to feel something even if it was false. I wanted you to just feel something other than alone. When we joined the pack I know that you had gotten better because you smiled sometimes and you didn't insult us as often. You were returning to the Leah that the town knew before your life was destroyed. But there was a tiny area of you that will never fill the void. You're afraid that you won't have anyone and for just an hour I wanted you to feel different." He whispers softly.

Looking at Embry, admitting why that night had almost occurred, I felt as if I could marry Embry at this point. He was willing to give me something I wanted – even if it was for just an hour.

"Embry I don't think it would have been an hour but thank you for trying." I say winking at him and nudging him with my shoulder.

"You are welcome, Leah. He feels the same about you too, you know?" Embry adds looking down at me his face suddenly looking serious.

"What the fuck? Embry, no I don't know and it's not true. That's why I ran away." I say shouting in a hushed whisper.

"Jake spent most of his time fighting and arguing with how he felt. He just took too long questioning his feelings towards you. Nessie is his universe but you are his stars, the moon, the sun, the planet – his everything." He says with a heavy sigh.

Embry and I stayed up and talk about Kayla and Ray. We fall asleep on the couch and the next morning I wake up to hushed whispers in the kitchen and a smell of cinnamon.

**Thank you KKJ you are an awesome beta!! **

**Thank you to all my reviewers!!! **


	7. The Clock Strikes Midnight

**Chapter 7**

**The Clock Strikes at Midnight**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything otherwise; I would be living in Hawaii on a beach. **

**Leah Pov.**

"Well at least we know where the height comes from." I hear the voice say.

"Yeah I guess it really is in the chicken." I hear the female voice say.

"Ky, do you know who Jacob is?" The voice asks that's when I realize its Kyla and Ray.

"Yeah he was her best friend. Why do you ask?" She asks him.

"She was saying his name in her sleep," He says.

Embry starts to stir and wakes up. Kyla has made oatmeal and cinnamon toast with pan sausage. I am surprised when I see all of food because she never cooks when we're at home. Embry and Kyla are making gooey eyes at each other. Seth comes down stairs groggy and picks up a plate and Quil walks through the door slamming it really hard.

"Hey guys," Quil says.

"Quil, why don't you move in?" I ask him.

"I don't want to pay bills. My mom let me live there for 150 a month." He says.

"Loafer." I yell at him.

The morning passes by since we all slept till about noon. My mom invited us over to Forks. So everyone, except Quil, decided to hang out in Port Angeles until around five-thirty. From there we headed back to Forks and were eating; dinner everything is going well. The guys are in the living room watching a game and, of course, we, the girls, are cleaning the kitchen.

"Leah, Ray asked about Jacob this morning." Kayla says to me while clearing the counter. My mom takes this as an opportunity to excuse herself and go do some laundry.

"I'm going to put on a load of clothes." She says while walking out the room.

"What did he say?" I ask knowing what has already been said.

"Who, Jacob is? I told him that he was your best friend." She says.

"Oh, okay." I say while exhaling loudly.

"Do you still love him?" She asks.

"I do, but we can't be together. Ray is the one I can be with." I answer her matter-of-factly.

"I love the both of you. You both have been nice to me. So…please, please don't hurt him." She pleads softly looking at with her warm and sympathetic eyes.

"I won't." I state flatly.

"Leah, I know you have a lot of secrets. But if there is anything that Ray needs to know then you have to tell him." Kyla says seriously. I look at her in amazement she is a very good friend. "I have a sixth and possibly a seventh sense sometimes I know things before they happen. I can feel it sometimes." She says with a sigh and I find myself looking at her in amazement; she's like some fortune teller and war veteran all wrapped up in the same body.

"What?" I question still a bit stunned by her sudden admission.

"I know nothing about it - really. I just know it happens and I know you have secrets because I've seen them." She admits eyeing me carefully as if gauging my reaction.

"You're right I do and when I'm ready I will expose myself." I tell Kayla as she smiles at me warmly. It isn't long before my mom returns and we all start talking again.

It's a little annoying and, a bit, disheartening knowing that everyone seems to think that I will hurt Ray. I don't want to – I understand what secrets will do to a person; I've learned that firsthand. But, I'm stubborn and will do it when I'm ready I just need a bit more time.

That next day Embry asks Kayla on a date and they head off to Port Angeles with Seth and his friend, Gracie. With everyone gone it left me and Ray alone together and I can't help but feel that this may have been part of some set up. Ray and I decide to go to Emily and Sam's for dinner. Sam has insisted on giving me the 'eye' at dinner telling me that I need to tell Ray. I really wish he'd just mind his own business. After dinner I offer to help Emily with the dishes and help her load them in the dishwasher. Out the corner of my eye I notice her looking at me and she's struggling with what to say. Guess this is the most amiable we've, or rather I've been to her since Sam imprinted on her.

"Leah I am happy that you are home again." She says smiling handing me a dish.

"I'm happy to be home as well." I admit with a small smile.

"I am really happy you chose to forgive us." Emily says excitedly.

"I know you are Em. I know you didn't intend to hurt me." I tell her and she hugs me as tight as she can despite her swollen tummy.

"Leah as much as I Love Sam If I had a chance to do it over again; I would never have met with him." She whispers in my ear. I give her a poignant look because right now Emily doesn't even realize she is a liar at this point.

"Emily, the two of you are meant for each other; whether or not I introduced you. You guys would have met regardless of me being in your way." I tell her with a hint of sadness in my voice. They are soul mates and they would be together no matter what anyone would like to believe.

"I wanted to let you know that I am sorry....I was being selfish too.... I wanted you both in my life at the same time." Emily says shyly hanging her head in shame. "So I forced myself on you and it wasn't fair to you." She says sadly as tears start to slowly pool in her dark brown eyes. I can hear Sam in the living room, possibly playing the 'big brother' role, and subtly threatening Ray to not 'break his Lee-Lee's heart'. I hug Emily tightly telling her, 'everything is alright', 'all is forgiven' and 'not to upset the baby'.

On our way back home I decide that I'm going to tell Ray the truth; about the wolves, me, Jacob – the whole thing. But as we ride back making small talk about dinner and the stay so far I find myself unable to do it. I can just tell Ray something like this alone; I need the pack's help but there's just one problem. I'm not ready to give up everything that I've worked so hard for. I don't want to phase just yet.

I am staring at myself in the mirror when Ray walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. "You are so beautiful." He whispers softly in my ear bringing a smile to my face. Turning around to face him I wrap my arms around his neck and sigh softly as he begins to kiss the nape of my neck lightly. I return the favor by doing the same causing him to moan my name. Ray unbuttons my jeans and pulls them down with an urgent tug. I pull his shirt off and begin to kiss him roughly. Once the remainders of our clothes are gone he picks me and I giggle kissing his lips lightly. He backs up to the bed, falling back and taking me down with him. I straddle him as he holds my hips slowly sliding into me and he starts to thrust slowly. I grab the top of the head board as he grips my hips harder.

Then, there is a loud pounding on the bed room door.

"Leah, it's Jared, Emily went in to labor and she is having complications. She is asking for you." He yells through the door.

"Fuck." I scream as Ray doesn't say anything but continues pumping into me. "Keep going Ray. Oohh." I whisper with a sigh.

"Leah, are you coming?" Jared calls.

"Yes." I scream and start to pant and breath heavily. Ray kisses the side of my temple releasing his hold on my hips. Jumping up from the bed I quickly get dressed and tell Jared I'm coming. On the way there I called my mom, Seth and Embry so that they can meet us there. When we arrive at the hospital we find Quil, Paul, Rachel, Kim and Becca already were standing in the waiting room. Before I even have a chance to ask anyone Emily's status Sam comes out of the labor room – he must have sensed me.

"Leah, Emily needs you." He says and without a word I follow him into the hospital room to find Emily, her face scrunched up tightly in pain. "Leah you came." She says in a whisper.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss this for anything." I tell her grabbing her hand. Sam says that Emily's mom is leaving Makah and she wouldn't be here for another two hours. I tell her that my mom and Charlie are on the way.

Sam tells me that the baby has breeched and that they are going to perform a c-section. Breech babies are very common but it being Emily she had to have extra complications; she also has preeclampsia.

"Sam can I speak with you outside, please?" I ask. With a short nod, he kisses Emily before following me out into the hallway.

"How long have you two known about these problems?" I ask with a hard frown.

"Since her last doctor's appointment." Sam states quickly looking down the hallway at nothing in particular.

"Sam as much I as I don't like the Cullens you should have called Carlisle. He could have helped a lot better," I

"NO leech is touching my Emily or my Child." He yells at me.

"I am trying to help Sam." I say with a heavy sigh. I knew mentioning the Cullens would be a touchy subject for him. "I just want what's best for Emily and the baby."

"I know you do." Sam says with a short nod of his head and his eyes apologetic. "But if I thought she was in any danger I would gladly put my pride aside, trust me." Sam says with a smile.

Later that night on December twenty third, Samuel Uley Jr. was born. Sam and Emily asked Kim and Jared to be the godparents. I'm getting better but it stings to see her holding Sam Jr. because it reminds me of the things that I want but I can only hope to have.

"Leah I want to ask you something." Sam says as I am walking to the vending machines.

"Sure, what is it?" I ask looking at the selections.

"Well, we asked Kim and Jared to be the godparents because they live here and you don't. But if something were to happen to Emily and I – we would like to know if you would take Sam Jr.?" Sam asks looking at me hopefully.

I'm puzzled and find myself at a loss of words – I just don't know what to say. I want to say no because I think they are offering me their first born to make up for hurting me. Or maybe it's because they feel pity in regards to me and my situation of not being able to have kids of my own. I look around the waiting room trying to find something to look at besides Sam. I see Ray smiling at me from across the room and I'm reminded that I'm not 'hurt Leah' anymore; that I am different now.

"Sam, of course I would." I say with a smile.

"Great thank you Lee-Leah. Well it's in our will anyway." Sam admits with a smug smirk and I playfully smack him on the arm.

Emily will have to spend Christmas in the hospital but luckily her mom has come to town to help. My mom and Emily originally had a plan to have dinner in Forks since her house is big enough to accommodate such a huge group of men comfortably. Charlie is upset because Bella and Nessie are not coming to visit this Christmas.

I on the other hand couldn't be happier because it means that Jacob won't be here. Kyla and I spend a couple of days with Emily at the hospital. That Sam Jr. is the spitting image of his father. Emily is finally released on the twenty-ninth.

Fortunately, Monica is being great by letting us both have Christmas to New Years off. It's hard to believe that after New Years I'll leave La Push again. I am glad that Emily pulled through because, honestly, I think I would have lost it if something would have happened to her.

Quil invites Ray, Seth and Embry over for some 'guy time'. Apparently Claire's mother wants to spend time with her own child for once – imagine that. Kyla and I are sitting in the living room eating popcorn and watching music videos when I ask her about her gift.

"Kayla, what exactly can you see or feel," I ask.

"Well, it's like I dream about something and it's very vivid. It usually doesn't occur until a few weeks or maybe months after. The 'feeling' sensation is different; I can't really explain that part. I just know how people feel at really intense moment whether it's love or pain, ya' know?" Kyla says looking at me trying her best to describe everything.

"When did it start to happen?"

"I'm not really sure about when it _actually _started." She says her brows furrowing in thought. "I was just born with it." She admits with a shrug and a small smile. "As a kid I just thought I was having these really cool dreams. It wasn't until I was a teenager, more mature, that I then started paying more attention to them and how it fit with what was going on around me."

"I am wolf." I say quietly. I look up at her just waiting for her to laugh, call me crazy or something; but she doesn't.

"I know." Kayla says softly smiling at me.

"How?"

"Leah I've seen things." Kayla starts off looking at the TV but not focusing on it. "Before I left home I kept having these dreams about this huge grey wolf. I know that it's a female and that she's leading me somewhere. But she's not just any normal wolf because I've seen her change back and forth from human to wolf; I've never seen her face but I know that she's very warm, temperature wise, and tall."

'Well that description fits me." I think.

"I know the others are too." She throws out quickly along with a wink.

"You're not afraid of us?" I ask.

"Hell no. I'm weird any-fucking-way. Did you know I have a friend that's a witch? And this was before I paid attention to my own powers." She says laughing and dismissing my fears.

We talk the rest of the night and I tell her my story and she tells me hers. She tells me of how she left home because of her dreams. Months before she left they became really intense and she was seeing her future; thus prompting her to leave home in search of the grey wolf.

"After the night I saw Embry in your picture. I dreamt about him I knew we were going to be together. I saw us together and even though it seems to be the future I still looked the same as I do now." She says her eyes getting that love sick far off gaze.

"That's great! So when are you telling Embry?" I ask.

"I'm not going to tell him just yet. He'll tell me when he is ready to." She says wisely and I nod my head in agreement. I'm the same with Ray.

We talk about the party I am throwing tomorrow. It is going to be New Years Eve and it needs to be special. Since Seth and Embry have taken the house over they decided to put in a nice sound system in; which works out for the party.

Seth and I are in the kitchen when he tells me he has a surprise. "Leah the Christmas gift I got you wasn't really your gift so don't be mad." He says looking at me nervously.

"Seth, I don't like surprises but I won't get mad." I tell him really hoping that deep down inside I don't regret my words.

"Well okay." He says cautiously as he reaches around pulling an envelope out of his back pocket. I look at Seth curiously as I shrug opening the envelope and finding a letter.

_Dear Leah,_

_I know you may get upset with me for doing this but I love you. You are the best big sister anyone could ask for. We have been through a lot but you watched out for me. You kept me safe and you took care of me when mom wasn't able to. I feel like I need to thank you for all that you have done. When you left everyone was upset. I wasn't disappointed in you it's just that I was more upset that you didn't ask me to come. I wanted to be by your side in case you needed me but I knew you would do fine without me._

_A few weeks before dad died we were outside, he was drinking a beer and he was talking about life and how he loved us. He told me that if anything were to happen to him that I was responsible for you and Mom. He told me to protect you with my life and love you as much as any person can. He told me that our mother sacrificed a lot of him and our family. He also said that you've been through a lot as well and you will need me. I think he knew something was going to happen. Leah, I was not able to protect you from heartbreak and I wasn't able to protect you from Dad's death. But I am able to love you. This is my gift to my sister who is my protector._

_P.S. Please don't yell, scream or hit me. I love you. _

Inside is the deed to my mom's house and it has my name on it. There is also a check for two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars. My breath hitches inside my chest and my immediate thought is that my little brother, Seth, is a drug dealer. That thought is short lived as I remember the Cullens.

"Thank you, Seth, but I can't take this money." I tell him shaking my head and handing the check back to him.

"Listen, when the Cullen's left they wanted to thank us for everything that we did. I knew you wouldn't accept it and so did they. Edward bought me a new car and they left the money with me hoping that one day you would accept it. When Dad got sick Mom had to take out a second mortgage on the house. So I paid it off and bought the house for you." He says pushing the check back at me. I couldn't think of anything else to say and hugged him tightly. What else could I do? I knew that if I opened my mouth whatever I was going to say would only hurt his feelings. I love my baby brother he so considerate – and the Cullens too.

Kayla and Embry come into the kitchen and then proceed to make out with each other. Needless to say, Seth and I are grossed out leave the two alone to finish sucking faces. From looking at them you would think they imprinted on each other. Some time later the guests starting arriving for the New Years party; it's the first time in a very long time that both packs have been together. Everyone is here; except for Jacob.

Embry and Kayla bought a karaoke machine when they went on a food run earlier. After knocking back a few drinks Emily, Rachel, Becca, and I decide that Kayla is worthy of joining 'girl group'. I'm not one for singing, especially not in front of the boys, but it would seem that since I've stopped phasing my metabolism has dropped considerable – basically I can get drunk. For some reason we decide to sing N'Sync's 'Bye, Bye, Bye' with me taking Justin's part. All those years of watching MTV and VH1 must've paid off because we were awesome…or at least _I _think we were awesome.

Sam and Emily don't stick around long and leave around ten o'clock because they want to ring in the New Year with little Sam. Ray and I are making out and it might be because I'm drunk but I feel like telling him the whole thing – that I, Leah Clearwater, can turn into a giant wolf. I ask Seth to come outside me because I'm going to tell Ray our secret. He agrees and along with Ray follows me outside into the backyard.

"Ray I have something I want to tell you." I start off nervously looking between him and Seth.

"Ok, what is it?" He asks smiling. I motion for him to follow me and Seth towards the woods where we take a small trail that leads to a small clearing.

"Leah, I know your adventurous but your brother's out here with us." Ray says jokingly as Seth blanches a bit.

"Ray, I love you and there are a lot of things you don't know about me." I start telling him as Seth starts unbutton his shirt.

"Leah?" Ray questions nervously looking between Seth and I.

"Ray I will tell you in just a minute. Could you step back, please?" I ask him. He takes a step back looking at me strangely, because Seth is taking his clothes off in this freezing weather. Seth takes about 10 feet back and phases. I think that Ray is going to pass out because his face pales and he slowly starts stumbling backward. His hand grabs at his chest and I panic I think he is going to have a heart attack. "Ray." I scream and run over to him.

"Leah, did you put something in my drinks?" He asks me and I can hear the hope in his voice mixed in with his fear and surprise.

No, I 'm a wolf also." I tell him slowly shaking my head. He rolls his eyes as if suddenly remembering something.

"Is this why you said you don't age?" He asks and I have to give it to Ray he is a lot smarter than what I'm used to.

"Yes." I whisper.

"Leah." Seth calls out.

"Seth I need to be alone with Ray for a second." I say.

"But, Lee-," He argues.

"Seth, give me thirty fucking minutes." Seth doesn't say a word but stalks away after putting his clothes back on.

"Leah, what the fuck? You turn in to a fucking wolf?" Ray screams at me on the brink of hysterics.

"Ray I would appreciate it if you didn't scare the woodland creatures." I scream back reaching out to touch him.

"You're the one who changes into a monster." Ray snaps back slapping my hand away. His words sting me and bring to life all of my worst fears about telling _anyone _my secret. I was right. They'd think I was nothing more than just some monster.

Ray paces back and forth for about ten minutes before stopping to finally ask for an explanation. I tell him my story again, the _real _story this time adding in the major details and facts that I had left out. I tell him about Sam, imprinting, my own transformation, my Dad's death because of it, the pack interaction, the Cullens, Bella, the war and even Jacob. I tell him everything trying to explain everything to him, my purpose and the pain I've suffered because of it. I'm surprised that Ray sticks around to hear the whole story; I was expecting him after his comment to run away from me saying that he never wanted to see me again. But he listens and, to my surprise, he pulls me into a tight embrace and apologizes to me. I hug him back tightly fighting back the hot tears that are fighting to come out. Telling Ray wasn't a mistake and I feel like a heavy weight has been listed off my shoulders. After a couple of minutes we head back to the house walking hand-in-hand.

It is once the house is in view that I suddenly remember that Seth had something to tell me. I check my watch to see there is still about twenty-five minutes before the New Year. Leaving me plenty of time to find Seth, talk to him and get my New Years kiss. It's when I reach the door that I'm hit a fairly new and familiar scent.

Thanks KKJ

Please review

Ray knows Yay!


	8. Disappointments

**Chapter 8**

**Disappointments**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing if I did I wouldn't be writing it over I would be quite satisfied with Leah marrying Jacob, Bella's Death in Eclipse, and BD wouldn't have happened. **

**Leah's Pov. **

"Seth what did you want?" I yell as I open the door. Once inside I realize I knew that scent all too well.

I notice Old Quil barely standing being held up by a cane and his grandson, Quil Jr. Everyone in the room has their heads down and they look sad while I'm so happy.

"What happened?" I ask loudly. Seth looks up at me.

"Leah, Jacob is missing." He says in a whisper.

My heart starts beating erratically and the room swirls around. I hear voices and everything went black. I wake up in my mother's old room and Kyla is humming lightly while stroking my hair.

"What happened?" I find myself asking again.

"You passed out." She says quietly.

"Is he really gone?" I ask.

"He is." She says.

"Have you seen any thing?" I ask her and she shakes her head 'no'. "I have to save him."

I start to scramble out of bed and Kyla grabs me trying to pull me back.

"Leah no!" she yells.

"Why? I have to go."

Seth and Embry come in the room. "Leah calm down." Seth screams.

I stop fighting against their force and calm down.

"Where is everyone?" I ask.

"They left after you passed out." Embry answers.

"Does Billy know?" I ask Embry.

"Yeah, Paul and Rachel went home and he was there with Sue and Charlie as well as Old Quil." He says.

"What are we to do?" I ask.

"What do you want to do? With Jacob missing you're Alpha." Seth pipes in.

"Call Sam, tell him to get his pack and get their asses here ASAP." I growl at Embry.

After handing out orders Quil comes running through the room.

"Rosalie and Emmett are at the boundary line. They're asking for permission to cross." He says.

"Why?" I ask angrily

"I couldn't tell you the whole story because you passed out." Seth says to me.

"Seth what is it? Why would some of the Cullens be here?" I ask him.

"Because Jacob and Nessie were abducted together." He says quietly. I begin to laugh loudly and Kyla, Seth and Quil stare at me warily.

"What the fuck? How do you know that they're not running off to get married?" I yell at him while trying to stifle my laughter.

"Because Jacob was coming to see you." He says yelling back at me.

"How do you know that and why was he coming here uninvited? Why was he bringing the spawn along when he knows I loathe her." I ask. In the same instance I smell the sickly sweet smell. I hiss immediately and while squatting down ready to phase at will.

"Because he convinced my brother and his clueless wife that it was a good idea." Rosalie says walking through the door.

"Who in the fuck gave you permission to cross the boundary?" I growl at her.

"I didn't need permission since my niece is missing with your stupid Leader, dog." She spits at me causing me to jump quickly towards her. She quickly side steps only allowing me to catch some of her hair.

"If I was phased I could do a lot worse, bitch." I snarl while holding on to her hair.

"Leah, stop please." Seth pleads while prying me off of the blonde.

"I hope you don't have fleas." Rosalie says while fixing her hair with disdain and annoyance in her voice. Embry slowly walks back in the room.

"Sam is on his way."

"Okay who the hell is this bitch? Because I do not like her." Kyla asks pointing to Rosalie.

"I don't like anyone who associates with dogs either." Rosalie spits back at Kyla.

"Why? Is it because you may accidentally eat them?" Embry asks snidely.

"You don't smell appetizing to me." She spits back.

"I wasn't talking about me." Embry throws back with smirk playing across his face.

The room erupts in laughter and Rosalie screams, "I'm going back to meet Emmett at the boundary line. Meet me there in twenty minutes." We watch as she swiftly leaves the house.

"Gawd, I hate her. She is such a bitch." I yell in frustration.

"You do realize you and her are alike." Seth says.

"Go fuck yourself." I scream.

I walk into the living room and Ray is sitting quietly. I sit next to him and hold his hand and he turns to look at me. "When are you leaving?" He asks.

"I don't know just yet. I need to speak with Sam before I make that decision first." I say honestly.

"I can't convince you to stay, can I?" He asks sadly.

"Not this time, Ray. I want to but I can't".

"Why?" He questions with a hard frown.

"It's my duty, he is my alpha and not to mention the heir to the Alpha gene. We _have_ to save him." I answer.

"So it's not because you love him?" He questions hopefully taking hold of my hand.

"Ray, it is because I love him. I don't love him like I love you but he is still a part of my pack and technically the chief of my tribe. This is something that I would choose to do even if I hated him because it is the right thing." I explain hoping he realizes the seriousness of the situation and that it isn't just about me and Jacob.

"I wish there was something I could do to help." He says angrily.

"The only thing you can do is go home and wait until I come back to you."

After I say these last words I kiss him goodbye because I don't know if I'll see him again. I had to lie to him because I couldn't be worrying about our relationship while trying to find my Alpha.

My pack and Sam's pack gather outside in the clearing by my house where I showed Ray who I truly was. We are meeting Rosalie and Emmett at the boundary line. When we got there their facial expressions are filled with hurt with sorrow – the loss affecting them too. We all gather in a circle my pack in between the leeches and Sam's pack.

"I need to know what happened exactly from the beginning." I demand loudly.

"Jacob was coming down for a surprise visit. He brought Ness along to see Charlie." Seth speaks up.

"How did you find out he was missing?" I ask Seth.

"When I phased to show Ray I saw Jacob charging at two vampires." He says.

"And you didn't think to tell anyone flee bag." Rosalie pipes in and I hiss at her.

"Rose calm down this isn't the time." Emmett says calming her.

"He did it was my fault I was ignoring him." I fess up feeling a sense of guilt wash over me.

"So it's your fault?" Rosalie snarls angrily baring her teeth and crouching. "We could have acted more quickly but you were too concerned with your human to pay attention to important matters." Rosalie says.

"Rosalie, do not talk to my sister like that. She was not trying to be that way so shut the fuck up." Seth yells and Emmett smirks.

"So let's get the facts straight. Jacob and Ness were on their way here when Seth phased you saw Jacob charging at two vamps. Why are you and Emmett here and why was Old Quil at the house?" I ask.

"We came down two days ago to get away from the family for awhile." Emmett answers calmly.

"Old Quil came by because he was at Billy's when Edward called looking for Jacob and Ness. He came by to see Quil and thought Jacob came by the house."

"Okay so where are Bella and Edward?" I ask Emmett.

"There searching for scents with the Denali clan." Rosalie answers

"Quil, Collin, Paul and Brady I need you guys to stay behind and protect the Rez."

"Why Do I have to stay with the three dumbasses?" Paul asks.

"Leah, don't you think we should discuss this as a pack first?" Sam questions with a hard frown.

"No, I don't think we should. If you don't want to follow me then don't but I and my pack are leaving."

"Leah don't be ridiculous we need to think about what we are going to do."

"I have thought about it. Now you can either get on board or get the fuck back." I growl.

Sam decides to not continue arguing with me about the matter.

"As I was saying, the four of you stay here and protect the Rez. The rest of us will follow Ray and Kyla back to Seattle after that we are going to split up."

I don't know what I'm going to do if something's happened to Jacob.

**Jake's POV**

I hadn't really spoken to anyone since I spoke to Leah. I really wanted to go home - to see my family, my pack and Sam's. Bella and Edward said that they weren't going home this Christmas. They were going with the rest of the Denali to see Carlisle and Esme at Isle Esme. So, I thought I'd take Nessie back with me to see Leah and my family. Bella and Edward argued that Nessie wasn't ready to travel without them.

"Bells you prepared me four years ago to take her somewhere safe. Now I can't take her to our birth place?" I question as Bella sighs.

"I know what I did Jake you don't have to remind me its just," she trails off.

"She is not going." Edward yells from downstairs.

We argued for three days straight. Eventually Nessie and I got our way and we were headed back to La Push. The car ride was silent for awhile and then Nessie asked the question I've been debating with in my head.

"Jacob, are you going to tell Leah how you feel?" Nessie asks and I sigh heavily,

"Do you think I should?" I ask.

"Yeah, the biggest thing was us and…well there is no us." Nessie says.

"Ness there is an 'us'. You're my sister and I'm your brother and I will love and protect you as long as needed." I tell her and she smiles.

"I know Jacob and I know you love her. You should tell her." Nessie says.

The ride is quiet as we make a stop at a gas station in Vancouver.

"Ness you want anything out of the gas station?" I ask her.

"I need to use the restroom." She says.

"Okay." I open the door for her.

We are in the gas station where I'm buying a few snacks and paying for gas. I notice that Nessie is talking to a woman; she's very tall kind of pale for her skin to be dark I thought she was a leech but her eyes are dark brown.

"Hey Ness I'm going to car you almost ready?" I ask

"Yeah, Jake I'll be there in a minute." She says.

"Okay."

I'm heading back to the car when I suddenly hear a loud scream coming from the gas station. I run back in and I see Nessie being held by the woman she was talking to. No one else is moving all the customers are frozen.

"What the fuck? Let her go." I hiss with my body shaking.

"Jacob, I wouldn't do that if I was you. I would hate to kill your lovely imprint." The woman says.

As she saying those words I couldn't control my inner wolf I phase and immediately and charge at her. She drops Nessie to the floor who I notice is unconscious I run over to Nessie she is still breathing. I turn my attention to the woman who eyes have changed colors their now red and she isn't alone she is with a male he is tall he is about 6'5 and he has blonde hair and his eyes are red as well. They both hiss at me and I charge at him, the male jumps on my back and feel a in my neck then everything begins to slow down and I fall to the floor.

**Please review!! **

**Thank you KKJ for being a good beta! **

**Thank you don'tcallmeleelee for some good ideas!  
**


	9. Lost of Confidence

**Chapter 9**

**Loss of Confidence**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

**A/N: I was hoping to post sooner but I got into a car accident which sucks and it's the end of the semester and I'm trying to hold on to my B average. I also have plays and I work full time. Thank you to all my readers and reviewers I really appreciate it! **

I wake up to a distinct sound of buzzing when my eyes finally open I see that I am in a small dark room with a light going off like a bug zapper. I roll over trying to get up when I feel there is a chain around my neck and it is not long, only allowing me to sit up instead of stand; my motor skills are off as well. I sniff around and the only thing I smell is mildew. I can hear a noise that sounds like lenses on a camera when it's zooming in.

When I look up to my left there is a small camera studying me. I sit back against the wall and try to remember how in the hell did I get here and where is Nessie? I realize that I'm royally fucked because the last thing I remember is Nessie talking to the strange woman in the gas station.

I have my head buried in my hands while trying to remember as much as I can. I hear footsteps coming towards the door. I can't sense if it's a leech or any other being – the scent is unclear. I hear bolts from the door being unlocked and the handle makes a loud noise. I try quickly to crouch but my body feels weak and it's hard for me to move.

"You should relax Jacob moving will only tire you out." The blonde pale man says standing in front of me.

"W-hat are y-ou?" I ask slowly realizing that my speech is slurred.

"Shh." He says putting his finger on his closed lips.

"I'm Pete, I'm a vampire and I know that you are shifter. What I don't understand why a shifter and a half vampire would be traveling together." He says.

"Wh-ere is sh-e?" I ask.

"I thought I asked you not to speak." He says while kicking me in the ribs. I let out a defeating sigh and lay on the cold wet floor. I manage to half-heartedly growl.

"There is no need for that. You won't be able to phase. You are sedated; you've been giving a dosage that could knock out three elephants and it's time for another." He states calmly turning back to glance at the door.

After he says that the women Nessie was talking to appears in the door way with a large needle for my next dosage. Her eyes look different; when I saw her she had brown now their red like the blonde leech.

"The girl is asking for him." She says.

"Well Nadia, she will have to keep asking because he is her's no more." He says before she sticks me and I pass out.

I wake up to someone hitting my face and screaming my name. I open my eyes and there she is the person I was hoping would come save us from this hell but she doesn't smell like herself.

"Le-ah." I say with a slur.

"No it's Nessie get up." She says pulling me up.

"Jacob listens to me." She says grabbing my chin.

"I wish to be free of your imprint. I don't want you to love or care for me anymore." She says to me.

"Wh?" I try to say.

"Shh, don't speak just listen. I hate this – I don't want to be your imprint anymore so stop loving and stop caring because there is no use of us being tied to each other. I lied; if I can't have you romantically then I don't want any part of you." She says.

I am tired of people telling me to stop talking but more importantly I can't believe she is saying the words that are coming out of her mouth. I thought she loved me as I love her.

"Wh-y?" I ask.

"Why? Why, Jacob just look at you. You're not even able to save yourself. You are chained to a fucking wall while I'm walking around free. You would have made a terrible mate. I don't know what I was thinking, I'm glad Leah can take you off of my hands. I'm starting to see why my mother chose my father and to think all these _years_ I thought she chose wrong. I guess mother does no best."

As she says these words she's is not crying. She looks happy and content with her decision. I lift my arm slowly and I attempt to touch her face so I know that I'm not imagining this but the weight of my arm hurts so I let it fall.

She wipes one tear that falls from my eye away and says, "It's for the best Jacob were both free." She kisses me on the forehead and vanishes out the room. My heart was in knots and it felt like someone was digging into my chest then the pain suddenly stopped as I begin to think about Leah.

**Leah's POV**

The car ride back to Seattle was quiet and quick. Emmett is driving us in his jeep; Embry and I remain human and we ride with our boyfriend and girlfriend for what could be the last time. Seth, Sam and Jared run beside the car in the woods to ease my nerves and comfort me.

We arrive at my apartment so that we can check it out. It looks as safe and normal as I left it.

"I'm going to call Monica and tell her that I ran into some family issues and I won't be back for awhile."

"Okay." Ray and Kyla said in unison.

I go out onto my balcony and on the side of my flower pot I see an old pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I light one up to ease my stomach and my nerves. The last time I was this afraid was after the death of my father. I feel like I'm not going to be able to save Jacob or find him in time. I mean what's supposed to happen next? I pull out my cell phone and prepare to lie to Monica about why I could be missing from work the next two weeks. I tell her something simple my mother is getting older and she is sick and I need to be home with my family for a while. She tells me she understands and take all the time I need but to tell Kyla's ass to get to work.

I walk back in to see that Kyla and Embry are making out. Blondie is pacing and Emmett is going through my fridge.

"You don't even eat. Why are you in my fridge?" I ask.

"It's boring." Emmett simply states with a sigh. "I'm ready to kick some ass instead of moping. Did you just smoke?" He asks finally pulling his out of my refrigerator.

"Get out my kitchen." I yell.

"But you didn't answer my question." He says. As I give him a death glare "Okay, okay don't spill my blood she wolf." He says as he backs out of the kitchen.

I walk to my bed room and Ray is laying down grabbing the bridge of his nose.

"Ray." I call.

"Come lay next to me." He says patting the empty space beside him on the bed.

I comply and I lay next to him and he kisses me. He rolls over on top of me and he deepens his kiss. I don't want it to end I want to stay like this forever. Forever is possible for me but not for him and which is why I'm willing to grow older with him laying right in here in this small piece of peace I've obtained. But _this_ place doesn't really exist in my real world. It will forever be chaotic because of my destiny – though destiny wishes to take everything from I wish to have. So I'm content with this kiss and with the seconds of peace I have obtained.

"Come back to me." He says.

"Will you be here waiting?" I ask.

"Yes." He says while smiling.

"I love you." We say in unison.

I walk into the living room and Embry and Kyla are still saying goodbye causing me to want to vomit in my mouth.

"It's time." I simply state breaking their 'moment' together.

I hug Kyla goodbye and tell her to be safe.

We are going to meet Bella and Edward they picked up a scent in Vancouver.

"Edward called while you were saying your good byes. They found a syringe with a trace of tranquilizer in it. It had Jacob's scent over it but no other." Rosalie says with a sad frown.

When we arrive at the gas station it looks like a ghost town. It is shut down and it has a 'closed' sign up. The gas station is on a deserted stretch of road not even a part of a main highway.

"Why would Jacob come way out here in the middle of nowhere?" I ask with a deep frown.

"So Renesmee could hunt if needed." Edward answers as we got out the jeep.

"I believe this is where they were taken." Edward states.

"Did you guys look for a security camera? Maybe there is a DVD recording." I say looking up at the camera that's next to the gas station door. A small smirk dances across Edward lips and he sighs heavily.

"I hadn't thought about that." He admits before disappearing into the gas station. I quickly follow behind but I'm stopped by Emmett as he grabs my arm.

"What?" I ask with a huff.

"Hold on she wolf you might not want to go in there." He says while grinning at me.

"And why not?" I ask.

"Let her go Emmett. Let her see what her mutt caused." Rosalie says moving as swiftly as Edward did through the gas station door.

"Fuck you." I snap growling back. "_You_ caused this and I wish you would have stayed gone." I say while mimicking their steps.

When I enter the gas station the scene is horrible as I count at least six lifeless bodies laid throughout the gas station. Edward is in the employees' lounge reviewing the DVD. The DVD shows Jacob and Nessie entering the gas station. Nessie begins talking to strange woman who that eventually turns and grabs Nessie from behind on her way out of the gas station. Jacob comes running in and he phases charging at the women who proceeds to do the sleeper hold on Nessie as she falls to the ground. The woman is accompanied by a blonde male then Jacob is tranquillized. They drag Nessie and Jacob out the gas station then return back in and had everyone as a snack.

"Did you notice everyone is standing still?" I ask.

Edward leaves but he doesn't say anything. I follow Edward outside to find him talking to Seth and Bella. Bella is leaning against the jeep quietly with her arms folded. I can hear Bella's phone vibrates in her pocket. She swiftly answers it as we all surround her at once. "What? Are you sure?" She asks having a conversation with someone on the other line. "Yes. Bye." She says then she hangs up.

We all heard it and I really wish I hadn't.

"Does this mean he is-?" I begin to ask but find myself unable to say the words.

"No sis." Seth says.

"Then what does it mean?" I demand.

"It just means that their course of life has changed. He could very well be alive." Bella answers weakly.

"Alice sees the course Nessie is on and right now she is with Nahuel. Which means Jacob is out of her life." I finish for Bella quietly.

"NO, IT MEANS THEY'RE NOT TIED TOGETHER ANYMORE! THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE IS…gone." Bella yells at me and calming down once she realizes it could be true – that he could very well be gone.

"At least we know Renesmee is alive." Rosalie states and I get mad at how she can be so cruel and selfish she can be.

"Rose." Edward weakly scolds as he slowly shakes his head.

"Don't 'Rose' me Edward. It's true. We know that she's alive and that's the most important thing isn't it?" She asks shaking her head.

The pack growls at her and Emmett quickly stands in front of her protectively.

"You are such selfish bitch. If it was up to me I wouldn't give you a baby either. News flash did it ever occur to you that maybe you never had one because you didn't deserve one." I yell out of anger.

She hisses at me as I start to tremble and before I know it I am grey wolf running around in the middle of nowhere pissed off howling.

_Leah, are you okay?_

_Yes Seth everything is fine. I'm about to destroy the treaty and the _true_ Alpha is missing. Everything is dandy._ I snap at Seth sarcastically.

_Leah, everything will be fine._

_Seth, give me just ten minutes by myself please._

He says ok then he phases out. After I cool down I phase back and I walk over to everyone. I have my arms wrapped around myself. I don't have a plan and I don't know what to tell my pack and I want to set fire to Blondie.

"We need a tracker." Seth says under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Or how about we start with the obvious question? Like why were those people frozen in the video?" Sam asks looking over at Edward.

"Because one of the vampires we saw on the video has a power to freeze its prey."

"Does the other one have a power to disguise their scent?" Sam continues questioning.

"That's possible." Edwards admits.

The phone rings again and its Alice. She says that there's a snow storm on its way and so we need to get as much evidence as soon as we can and head out.

Edward is putting the DVDs in their truck as I walk over towards him.

"We are going to find them." I say.

"Do you really believe that?" He asks.

"Sometimes." I admit quietly.

Just then the wind starts to pick up and it's the best thing that has happened all day. Once the sickly sweet smell mixed with the aroma of Jacob dances up my nostrils I nearly faint from the hope that fills my heart.

I don't say anything when the shock leaves my body as my pack is phased and ready. I phase quickly as the leeches leave their cars and we start to run in the direction of the scent.

_Leah it seems we've been running in circles._ Embry comments with a weak and frustrated growl.

"He's right." Edward yells out.

"We need to stop and think." Bella calls out.

_That'll be hard for her since it's the first times she's ever thought to do that._ I snidely remark earning a laugh from the pack.

"Leah, I can hear you." Edward yells.

_I know you can._

We all phase back human.

**Jacob's POV**

I wake up still chained but in another room. I can hear the two leeches arguing about something.

"You said that if I help you, you would help me." The woman leech says.

"Why don't you do it yourself?" The pale leech snaps.

"You know I'm not strong enough. Otherwise I would have from first sight." She says hissing.

"Well I suggest that you work on that." He says swiftly turning from her.

"I wonder what the Volturri would think of you kidnapping a vampire's child – the grandchild of an ex-member of all people." She yells.

"The same as they would think of you letting a human know all of our secrets." The male yells back.

"It's different and you know it." She yells at him

"Why is that? Because you love him?" He asks.

"Yes." She says quietly.

"Well, love isn't always enough. Just kill the shifter and meet me at the other place." He states harshly.

"Why should I do anything you tell me to do?" She asks.

"Because I will kill your precious human if you don't." He says lacing his words with venom.

"After you dispose of him were going to the Cullens. We will tell them we found her lost in the woods scared and alone."

"Then what? They would be so happy that you found her that they make you a new sibling and when she comes to age she will love you?"

"She will."

"She will remember you killed someone she loved and forced her into a life she doesn't want."

"She _will_ love me."

"What happened to you Pete? You're not the same person who changed me centuries ago."

"You didn't love me back." He say's loudly

"Sometimes love isn't enough." She says back to him as he swiftly leaves.

"Wolf, get up." She calls to me.

I slowly get up as she hands me a shirt and some sweat pants.

"The girl said you like sweat pants." She says quietly.

I have shackles on my feet and hands and she walks me out of my 'cell'. We walk up stairs and I realized I have been in a basement locked up. The sunlight that hits my eyes burns them slightly as I see the sun for the first time in two days I think.

She walks me over to the kitchen table and forces me to sit down in a chair.

"Do you like ham?" She asks.

"Yes." I answer.

"Max, my human does too. He thinks I cook well for someone who doesn't eat." She smiles lightly.

Nadia makes me a ham sandwich and chips. My last meal is a sandwich I think quietly in my head. After I finish my food she walks me outside and it then that realization hits me. I will die and I don't even know if anyone is looking for me. Though, Nessie told me not to worry about her; I do I hope she is safe. Outside it's snowing and windy as we seem to be walking in circles.

"Why haven't you killed me yet?" I yell feeling defeated.

"Why are you giving up?" She yells back. She is right, why am I giving up so easily? I have things to live for, Leah, and I still have a chance. Nessie set me free which is good so why am I giving up?

I yank the chain swiftly from her hands causing her to fall. She quickly gets up hissing at me. I try to pull apart the shackles around my hands and break free.

"Come on wolf give me a fight. Fight for your life." She says edging me on.

I let out a fierce growl and break through the chain. My foot is still chained but I don't care I want to fight for my life and so I phase.

I charge at her as she swiftly comes out of her defensive stance and place her hands up in surrender.

I phase back.

"What are you doing why aren't you fighting?" I ask her.

"I never intended to fight you or kill you. I didn't want any of this to happen." She says quietly.

"Then why did you?" I ask quite angry.

"Max and I are in love. He wants _this_ life. I'm happy with him being human but he wants to be with me forever and I can't turn him because I fear I will only wind up killing him. I asked an old friend, Pete, to do it for me but he refuses to because he is jealous."

'Huh, that sounds awfully familiar.' I comment to myself.

"Pete created you, right?" I ask

"Yes." She answers with a short nod.

"He wanted you to be his mate?" I continue questioning.

"Not at first. I was born into slavery; my mother originated from Africa and my father of course was our slave master. I grew up cleaning after my brothers and sisters. My father was a lawyer at the time and he couldn't acknowledge me as his child but everyone knew the truth. I inherited his long nose and his brown eyes. I went to him on my 18th birthday and begged him to send me to school. I got on my hands and knees and I begged him to send me away to Paris so that I could be free. He laughed at me he picked me up from the ground by my arms and he told me that my place was in Louisiana taking care of him and his family. After that night I tried to runaway but his field hands would always find me and I'd be on punishment which meant I would get whippings – 10 -12 lashing across my back. One night I ran away in the middle of a rainstorm and my father's most loyal field hand found me. He usually he would take me back but that night he just beat me he left me for dead in the woods in the rainstorm bleeding profusely. That's when Pete showed up. He asked me that if I had one wish what it would be. I told him I wanted to be free. I woke up a vampire. I loved him as a father-figure but never as a lover and he always resented me for that." She says finishing up her story.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly

"Don't be it was the best thing that has ever happened besides Matt." She says with a warm smile. "Jacob I have to make its looks as if I killed you otherwise he will kill Matt. So I will need to shed some of your blood."

By the time she finishes her sentence a piece of tree trunk is in her hand and she is hitting me with it. I fall down and own my way to the ground I hear a vicious growling and then a high pitched scream then I'm out cold.

"Jacob, wake up." I hear a familiar voice calling out to me. I open my eyes to meet Leah's.

"Leah." I say.

"Yes, it's me." She says.

**A/N: Thank you everyone please read and review thanks KKJ**

**If you are wondering I really like Nadia because she is a character that I invited for a short story I wrote for English class some years ago. Except she wasn't a vampire the idea came from watching Amistad and a book by Anne Rice called the Feast of All Saints which was miniseries on Showtime. Okay enough of my ramblings thanks!**

**I forgot: IF I GET AT LEAST 7 REVIEWS I WILL PUT CHAPTER 10 UP TONIGHT!!!**


	10. Second Wind

Chapter 10

Second Wind

**Leah's POV**

"Why don't you go ahead and hunt I'll wait around for awhile." I say to the pack and the Cullen's.

"You shouldn't be alone. I'll wait with you." Sam proposes.

"I'd rather stay with the mind rapist." I snarl at Sam my eyes narrowing.

"I should take that as a compliment coming from you Leah." Edward says.

"Honestly, I'd much rather be alone for a minute. Everything will be fine just go." I urged them again.

"What if it is a trap to split us up?" Seth says.

"Okay, Sam you can stay." I yell out of frustration.

"Stay wolf so we will be linked." Seth orders.

We have switched positions with Seth now as acting beta and I'm Alpha. He's grown in the few days we have been searching for his best friend our true leader. The pack's world will falter if we lose Jacob.

"Fine, I will." I say with a defeated tone.

We all phase back I watch the pack and the Cullens sprint towards the woods. I put my block up so no one can hear what I'm thinking.

_Why are you blocking us out Leah?_ Sam asks and I can hear the frown in his voice.

_Because I want to keep what I'm thinking to myself Sam!_

_Maybe it would help if we talked about it._

_Sam ya'know what would help? If the leeches who took Jacob returned him so I can go home and get away from this SHIT!_

_Leah it's who we are whether we like it or not._

_I know who I am; I know it's who we are but Sam if you were smart you would take little Sam and run as far as you can from this life._

_I don't want to run. I've accepted that this is why I'm alive and as much as I hate it I've accepted it and you haven't Leah. That's what it comes down to. Ever since we were children you've wanted to run away and be somewhere else but sometimes you have to accept the life you were given._

_I will not accept anything._

I phase out; this is why I wanted to be alone so that I could think by myself. Sam doesn't follow closely behind me but I know he is in the trees following me. I sit on the ground naked in the snow and it's so cold but my body is so hot. I pick up a snow ball and it starts to melt right away in my hand. This is my life and maybe one day I will learn to accept it but right now I don't want to.

I lay on the ground so I can think peacefully but Jacob's scent suddenly hits me and I get up and run. I don't stop to phase and I don't think I just run. I hear Sam in the woods matching my strides.

The closer we get I can hear him and a woman talking about something. Then I see a leech with a huge tree branch in her hand she swings it hitting him with it.

I push harder and I jump to attack her phasing in midair clawing her face. She screeches loudly and falls backwards as I see Sam running up the rear grabbing her upper body shaking it viciously. The rest of pack and the Cullens arrive shortly after. I walk over to Jacob and he's breathing but bleeding very badly, I lick his head wound and his chest. After his wounds are clean I phase back to wake him up.

"Jacob, wake up." I say and he opens his eyes.

"Leah." He says.

"Yes it's me." I say.

Then I smell the blonde bitch come behind me.

"You stupid mutts." She snaps angrily. "Why did you two kill the only link to we had to finding my niece?" She bellows over me.

I stand up and I'm looking at her eyes they're blazing with fire, "For once in your life care about someone besides your fucking self. You're worse than Bella and her selfishness. So for the rest of the fucking day – oh, wait I have something better. How about for the rest of your unnatural fucking life don't part your lips to say anything to me or I will kill you." I yell back at her.

The blonde hisses at me but she doesn't say anything.

"That's a little unfair. You shouldn't have reacted you should have waited on us." Bella shouts.

"I couldn't control what was happening to me." I say.

"I know you have a problem with self-control but if you would have tried you could have done it." Bella says.

"No, I couldn't." I say quietly before turning my attention back to Jacob.

"Bella, Leah is telling the truth. We are going to have to wait until Jacob wakes up before we know what actually happened." Edward says while standing over the dull fire that the leech continues to burn in.

"We need to head back so that when Jacob wakes up he can be treated properly." I say calmly.

"Are we going back to Forks or are we going back to your place?" Embry asks me and I notice the happy glint in his eyes at the prospect of seeing Kayla again.

"We should go to Forks. We need to call Carlisle." I answer feeling slightly bad as he frowns.

"What about Renesmee? Aren't you going to help us find her?" Bella asks me pulling on my tank top.

I look at her wanting to say no but the look in her eye is the fear of a mother that may never see her child again. I can't find it in my heart to tell her no like I want to do so badly.

"Yes we still help you, but I think the first thing we need to do is get Jacob better so that we can find out more about what happened." I say quietly while removing her hand from my shirt.

"Don't worry Bella we will find her." Edward says while resting his chin on the top of her head.

Sam and Embry help carry Jacob back to the gas station where we left the cars. We arrive in Forks with Esme and Alice greeting us at the door.

"I won't be able to see anything with you guys here." Alice says placing her hands on her temple.

Jacob is placed in the 'unofficial' operating room. Carlisle runs some tests to make sure that there is no permanent damage done. He found traces of the tranquilizers in his system but Jacob has no brain damage but he won't wake up again. Carlisle thinks that Jacob is just exhausted from the last couple of days. So I sit in the room with him quietly waiting for him to wake. He says things in his sleep but nothing that I can understand.

"He's dreaming of you." Edward says appearing in the door way. I'm sitting by Jacob's bedside just picking at my fingernails when Edward makes his little statement.

Using my left hand I push the hair out of my face and look at Edward with a confused frown. "Why would he do that?" I ask.

"Because it's you he loves; not my daughter." Edwards says moving closer by my side.

"Why would he do a foolish thing like that?" I asked him.

"Because we don't have a choice when it comes to love."

"I wish that we did." I say quietly.

**Jacob's POV**

I hear Leah's voice and my eyes start to flutter open. I move my hands to my eyes and rub them letting out a huge yawn. I roll over to my side and she is here, "So, it wasn't a nightmare." I say with a raspy voice.

"What?" She says quietly

"Where I was it really happened." I say to Leah

"Jacob, I'm glad your okay but we need to find out where my daughter is." Edward says forcefully.

I look down and I push the hair out of my face I look at Leah and then back at Edward, "She left me there." For the first time I realized that she left me there and I was happy that she let me go. But she left me there and she was under the impression that they would kill me. So she left me there to die. A sharp pain shoots through my heart that I can't bear. How she could do something like that when all her life I protected her?

"Jacob, I highly doubt she meant for you to die." Edward says.

"What would be the only other reason?" I ask him looking in to his eyes.

"It's simple Jacob, she can't help it. Selfishness runs through their family bloodline. While we were taught to share they were only taught to receive." Leah says with a smug smile on her face.

"Leah that's hardly true. There has to be a good reason she would do something like that and we're very generous to your family." Edward says.

"Yes, you are but only because you have to be. Jacob can you tell him what happened so I can get back to my life." Leah asks.

"I'll go down stairs and tell everyone at one time. Then I would like to go to the Rez for awhile to see my family." I say.

Leah smiles and we walk downstairs. I already know everyone has heard our conversation. When I get to the last step Bella crashes her cold hard body into mine and she is hugging me tightly dry sobbing telling me she is glad I'm alive. After a few attempts of pushing her off of me. She finally gets the hint, drops her head and hands and she walks slowly over to her husband embarrassed by her actions.

I go over the story.

"I told you, you shouldn't have killed her." Rosalie hisses before disappearing outside.

"I'm sorry Jacob she was attacking you with a tree branch when we saw you." Sam says.

"Understandable she wasn't totally innocent she was willing to wreck another life for her on selfish reasons." I say staring at Bella and Edward.

"Jake you can't think Renesmee meant the things she said, right? I'm sure she was only trying to keep you both alive."

"Bella that's bull shit, she came to me and told me that I was free from the imprint. That I wasn't the man she thought I was. First I thought maybe she wanted to let me be free and I was happy. But she left me there she didn't whisper 'Jake trust me'. She told me I would have made a terrible mate. Now if you're done justifying your daughter's actions I would really like to go eat, shower then lay down because I was the one chained naked in a fucking cell being watched and humiliated. Edward you saw my thoughts you know what he looks like and you know where I was so go there and start from there." I yell.

I went to open the door and Bella flashed in front of me.

"Jacob let me get that for you." She says.

"Bella I am capable of opening the door for myself." I yell at her.

"Jacob." She whines

"Bella." I whine back mockingly.

She opens the door and _his_ scent burns my nose as I quickly shut it back.

"Jake what's wrong with you?" Bella asks.

"He is here." Edward answers her question.

"Does he have Renesmee with him?" Bella asks.

"He wants to tell us he found her like Jacob said he would." Edward answers with a deep frown.

"What's the plan?" Leah asks standing behind me.

"Jacob, go to the kitchen I don't know if he can recognize your scent but I want to see what type of story he comes up with." Edward orders. I go into the kitchen and sit at the island. The doorbell rings and Alice opens the door.

"Nessie." Alice screeches.

"Who is with you Renesmee?" Edward asks coldly.

"Father, this is Pete he found me." She says and then I hear Leah growl.

I walk towards the door and peep out trying to get a look at what is going on. I see that Nessie grab her father's hand. She is telling him what happen.

"Hello, I'm Pete and I'm afraid I have come bearing bad news as well as good." He says politely as possible.

"Why don't you tell us the bad news first." Leah demands and Seth step on her foot.

"I'm afraid your friend Jacob has been killed." Pete says.

Leah starts to laugh obnoxiously as Nessie walks over to her and hugs her and says, "Leah I am sorry."

"Get off of me." Leah screeches. Nessie moves swiftly.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean too."

"It's okay, Nessie. Give them time their friend died." Pete says rubbing Nessie's shoulders.

"Pete, I want you to meet our friend." Bella says angrily.

I walk out the kitchen and when I see him he quickly tries to retreat out the front door flashing before my eyes but Edward catches him.

"Jacob." Nessie yells running towards me but she is quickly stopped by Seth and Bella.

I phase in the Cullens living room jumping across the sofa and attacking Pete as Edward tosses him towards me. He manages to grab my muzzle stopping my teeth from tearing at his head. He pushes my muzzle back causing me to skid across the room slamming into the entertainment system I feel the flat screen fall on top of my head. I quickly get up pushing the pain aside. I'm feeling animalistic everything turns primal and my thoughts are focused solely on killing. I want to kill the _thing_ that has caused me pain and I will get what I want after all I am the true alpha.

The front door is missing and I see Emmett, Edward, and Jasper flying out the door. I follow quickly behind and they have him surrounded in a small clearing outside the house so he can't get out. Carlisle follows suit after me along with Seth, Embry and Leah in tow. Jasper is hissing wildly like a mad cat while Emmett is tightening his fist. Edward is staring the _thing_ down most likely listening to a private thought. I jump in the circle and shred him to pieces. As I tear into his skin he is trying to knock my legs out from under me. I stand up on my hind legs and use my paws to rip his head off.

After he is burned properly I phase back. It was almost as I was afraid he would come back and I would be stuck fighting for my life again. Carlisle has me upstairs looking at my now healed broken leg. He re-breaks my bones and tapes my ribs. He instructs me to get some rest. He offers for me to stay there but I choose to go home. Right now I feel that I've spent too much time with the leeches. While I am getting dressed I hear a light tap at the door and can't help the smile when I see it's Leah.

"Hey I'm taking off after we get you back to the Rez." She says to me.

"What if I'm not ready for you to leave?" I ask.

"I would still go; I have responsibilities there now." She says. I don't say anything else mostly because I'm tired. I want to rest for a couple of days.

Leah helps me stand while she stares at me. We don't say anything we just look at each other and it reminds me of the time in the woods when I realized who I not only needed to be with but wanted to be with.

I cup her face lightly and she mimicks my moves. She has silent tears coming from her eyes, "I missed you so much and I was scared I wouldn't see you again." She says dropping her hands.

"I missed you too." I say back with my voice nearly breaking. Seeing her cry makes my heart break because I don't want her to be in pain. I work up enough courage and finally decide to kiss her. I lean down slightly and she moves her face to the side of my cheek and she's trying to fight it. "Leah, don't fight me please." I beg.

"Jake, I have a boyfriend." She blurts out.

"What?" I say.

Just then Nessie burst through the door yelling, "Jacob I'm sorry I didn't mean- oops sorry."

"We were done." Leah says walking towards the door.

"Jacob, you've got to believe me I didn't think he would kill you." Nessie says quickly as Leah walks out the door.

"You didn't think he would kill me? Then why did you leave me chained in a room?" I ask angrily.

"Because he said he would kill me and I didn't want to die." She says frightened.

I didn't say anything else – I couldn't say anything else. I move towards the door and she doesn't even try to follow me. I walked outside and find Leah standing next to the Rabbit, "Seth drove it over." She says opening the passenger door.

"I can drive." I say

I drive slowly back to the Rez and we don't say anything to one another – we're just silent.

"How long have you had a boyfriend?" I ask finally breaking the silence.

"A while." She says quietly.

"Do you love him?" I ask.

"No, Jake I absolutely loathe him." She says sarcastically with a playful smile on her lips.

I stop the car and pull over on the side of the road.

"Jake, what are you doing?" Leah asks confused as I turn to look at her. I don't say anything but just look at her for a long time.

"Do you love him more than you love me?"

"Jake-." She stutters out looking away from me.

"Do you love him more than you love me?" I demand grabbing her face forcing her to look at me. I need to know her answer – I _need _the truth. She looks down hesitating as she opens her mouth and closes it again. She continues avoiding eye contact with me as she bites her bottom lips and then suddenly she kisses me. Her mouth is hot, wet and inviting. How she's managed to still smell like cinnamon though she has been with leeches all day I will never know. But our kiss breaks all too soon.

"I will never love anyone the way that I loved you." Leah says looking me straight in my eyes. I feel my heart swell and before I know what happens next she bolts from the car phasing in the woods.

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing! I have a lot of new readers and reviewers I'm grateful for that I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well as the last! **

**Don't for get to review this one!!! I would love at least 7 or more reviews so I can finish writing chapter 11 I know you guys wanna know where Leah ran off too!  
**


	11. Escaping Hell to find Peace

Chapter 11

Escaping hell to Find Peace

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!!**

**A/N: Thank you for all the recviews I had a lot of new reviewers and I really enjoyed the fact that you reviewed so please keep it up because reviews+ me= earlier update **** !**

**This chapter may be a little slower because it's a filler chapters the rest of the story will be about Leah, Jacob and Rays relationship! **

**Another thing I've been on a Buffy the vampire slayer and Angel Netflix craze since they added all the seasons! I watched these shows since I was in freaking elementary school and now I'm realizing S/M totally mimicked their relationship and made it perfect. The point of buffy and angle relationship was its was not suppose to be perfect because no one is. Now I'm scared teenage girls will be under the impression that if their boyfriends is over protective they would think he is being like 'Edward' which is a huge issue in my book. Lol Sorry about my ramble of the week! **

**Leah's POV**

Being in La Push is not good for my health I need to get back to the life I created for myself in Seattle. I kiss Jacob then I phase; I don't know what's happening with me. I wander around as a wolf until I end up on the rez. I'm too afraid to phase back because I know I will have to talk to him before I leave. I realize that I'm in Sam and Emily's back yard.

"Leah." Emily says walking over. I growl at her just for the hell of it.

"Leah, do you need some clothes?" She asks.

I look at her and nod my head and she quickly turns around back towards their house. She comes back outside with a pair of shorts and sweat shirt. I take them with my teeth and trot in the woods to change. I walk out the woods pulling down the sweat shirt that smells like Sam.

"Thanks." I say to her.

"You're welcome. Are you hungry?" She asks.

"No I'm going to head back to the house. I'm calm now." I say declining her offer.

"Does being angry have to do with Jacob?" She asks smiling.

"Nosey much Em?" I say back to her. "Thanks again, I'll see ya around." I say before walking towards the street back to my old house.

"See ya Leah." She says waving bye.

I get to my house so that I can call Ray. I want him to come and pick me up now that I'm sure the immediate danger is over. I walk through the house Seth, Embry and Quil are eating food at the table.

"Hey Leah. Hungry?" Seth asks holding up a slice of pizza.

"No I'm cool. I'm gonna go take a shower and call Ray." I call down while running up the steps.

"Yeah it smells like you need a shower." Quil says. They all laugh as I only shake my head.

"Let's go play Call of Duty at my house after we eat." Quil suggests.

"Why?" Embry ask.

"Because my mom is cooking and we can eat again since we have to save Leah some." Quil says. Seth and Embry agree with Quil's plan and I'm happy because I will have the house to myself.

I go to the bathroom and I decide to call Ray before I get in the shower.

"Hello." Ray answers hoarsely.

"Hey baby." I say whispering.

"Hey Leah. Why are you whispering?" He asks confusion lacing his voice.

"Uh…I don't know. You sounded sleep I didn't want to be loud, I guess."

"Well I like it when you're loud." He says chuckling lightly.

"Really, how loud?" I ask

"As loud as you can possibly get." Then he starts to laugh.

"Ray, is this your poor attempt at phone sex?" I say while giggling.

"Yeah, it is. I'm pretty bad at it." He says.

"Well before we talk more about that I wanted to let you know that everything is fine and I was hoping you would come pick me up in a day or two?" I ask.

"You don't have to ask. I will be there in two days." He says.

"Good I'll see you then."

"I can't wait." He says.

"Now back to the phone sex. So how bad are you at it?" I ask while laughing.

"Really bad." He adds laughing along with me.

"Well I'll help you." I say while walking into my mother's old room. When I walk in _his_ scent engulfs my nose but I don't see him and then I hear him and feel him behind me. He pulls my bath towel from my body. His warm rough hands are lightly gliding over my nipples and his hot breath is over the side of my neck making me instantly wet.

"Ray, I have to call you back." I say quickly.

"Alright I love you." He says.

"I love you too." I say then I quickly hang up the phone.

"Jacob what the fuck are you doing?" I ask while stuttering.

"Do you want me?" He asks.

"Jacob, I did once but not anymore – now I have Ray." I say frantically.

"That's not what your body is saying." He says.

"Jake, please don't do this." I beg.

He grabs my hair and pushes it off my neck while he is carefully licking the side of my neck. I bite my bottom lip nearly biting it completely off.

"Ja-ke." I moan in satisfaction.

He is still holding onto my hair as he turns me around and I am facing him. He drops my hair and starts to kiss me – it's slow and deliberate. He picks me up by my ass and I wrap my legs around his waist brushing across his hard on. My arms are behind his head and he is trailing kisses down my neck and shoulder. He slowly walks his way over to the bed and he sits down on it. When we sit on the bed the kisses break and I look into his eyes.

"Jake I can't." I say looking away.

He moves my face back at his causing me to look directly at him. "Leah, you still love me like you always have." He says.

"No, I use too." I say quietly.

"Who are you trying to convince me or yourself?" He asks.

"I'm not leaving him." I yell breathlessly.

"I didn't ask you to." He says.

He starts to rub on my butt and kiss my breast then he stops.

"All I'm asking is that you be with me right now in this moment." He says.

I don't say anything as I let him kiss my neck and I let him touch me. I let him love me because I enjoy it but I'm cheating. I'm doing what Sam did to me. I can't be that person even if I tried to be that's not me.

"Jake I can't." I state quickly pushing Jacob back.

"Leah." He says with a whiney voice.

"Jake I am not going to be that person. I can't be like Bella or Sam. I'm telling you to stop." I say while getting off of him and I start to walk towards the door.

"Wait." He says following behind me. I turn to look at him and roll my eyes.

"Leah, please don't leave me alone. I can't handle silence right now." I look at my broken alpha and I know that he is not lying. Something happened to him when he was taken and I don't think my alpha will be back for awhile.

I walk back to my room, the shower completely forgotten, and head over to my dresser grabbing an old shirt and some pants. I throw them on and turn back to Jacob. "You can lay with me but no funny business or I will take all my anger out on you and kick you in the nuts." I say and he starts to smile. But it's not his smile it's a hopeful smile like 'maybe one day I will laugh again my laugh'. He is probably thinking.

We lay in the bed quietly and we fall asleep. When I wake up Jacob is gone but I smell food being cooked so he must be cooking breakfast. I walk down the stairs slowly letting the wonderful scents of chocolate chip pancakes fill my nose.

"Good morning Lee." Jacob says kissing my cheek.

"Morning." I greet back with a smile walking over towards the counter.

He places the food on the table and it looks like a picture from a gourmet cook book. There is bacon, eggs, chocolate chip pancakes, and hash browns.

"This looks really nice Jake."

"This is the only perk to having your mom die on you at an early age, you learn how to cook." He says smiling.

"I guess it is." I say biting into the delicious pancake.

"Do you like it?" He asks.

"Like it? I love it. I want to marry it." I say jokingly.

"What if I wanted you to marry me?" He asks with a serious face.

"After breakfast I want to go for a walk." I say to him.

The phone starts to ring and I get up to answer it but Jacob stops me.

"What the hell?" I yell.

"It's Nessie don't answer." He says his eyes pleading with me.

"You're going to have to talk to her eventually." I tell him returning back to my seat.

"And say what? Thank you for leaving me alone in hell and aiding in my almost death?" He says smiling sarcastically.

"I didn't say that Jake. You should listen to what she has to say." I can't believe I'm saying these things.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Leah?" He asks me with overly dramatic shocked eyes.

"This is me, well, this is the new me. Let's talk after we eat this wonderful breakfast you cooked."

He agrees and we continue with breakfast. After eating and getting dressed he meets me in the living room and we start to slowly walk around the rez.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" He inquires while walking at an abnormally slow speed.

"Hmm, let's see we could talk about: me, you, vamps, wolves and my boyfriend." I say with a smile.

"Okay." He says blowing out hot air.

"Jacob I'm different since I left and what happen last night doesn't need to happen again." I say turning towards him.

"I know you're different. I can see the change and I'm not going to say I'm sorry about last night because I'm not. But I will respect you and if you say no then I won't." He says and it makes me smile.

"Thank you." I say quietly.

"Why are you suddenly on Nessie's side? I thought you hated her." He questions with a small frown.

"It's not that I'm on her side. I-I well." I stutter.

"Lee spit it out." He demands.

"Though I didn't want you kissing me; I felt like you were only doing it because she left you." I say shyly.

"What? Why would you think that? Listen to me and listen really well. I realized I loved you from the moment I saw you in that storm that night. I wanted to give you time and space. But when you kissed me in the car I felt this need to be yours and for you to be mine. That's why I was in your room and when I heard you talking to 'Ray' I got jealous." He says growling.

"So it's not because you're alone?" I ask.

"Leah I'm not alone, am I? He asks.

"No you have me." I say while hugging me.

"I would kiss you everyday if you told me I could." He says into my hair as I'm hugging him.

"I still think you need to resolve the issues you have with the vamps." I tell him because it's true. His relationship with Bella is pointless but it means something to him and though Nessie made a bad choice he should speak with her.

"Let me cool off, Leah. They hurt me." He says

"I know Jacob but sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most." I say quietly.

We don't say much after that as we continue walking around enjoying each others company.

"When are you leaving?" He asks me.

"Ray will be here tomorrow." I say quietly.

"Oh, so you have to get back to your life in Seattle." He states rather than questions.

"Yeah I have a job, school and friends, Jake. Okay well one really good friend." I say excitedly.

"Leah, I am really proud of you." He says. Then we see Sam walking over with little Sam.

"Hey guys." He says.

"Hey." We answer in unison.

"Where are you guys headed?" He questions curiously looking between the two of us.

"Nowhere, in particular we were roaming around." Jacob answers with a shrug.

"Well since you here, Emily wanted to throw you a welcome home party and Leah a going away." Sam says smiling. I may have forgiven them but I still hate their fucking gatherings.

"What time?" I ask dryly.

"Umm I think its noon tomorrow? Ray said he would be here by then." Sam says.

"Who talked to Ray?" I ask narrowing my eyes at Sam.

"Well Embry told Emily because he spoke with Kyla who is riding down with Ray." Sam says smiling.

"Okay I just got a fucking headache but we will be there." I say.

"Oh I'll tell Em, well see ya tomorrow. I should get Sammy home he is getting hungry." Sam says walking away.

"You do know he brought the kid so you wouldn't attack him, right?" Jacob asks with a smirk.

"Yeah I am well aware of that."

"When did the two of you get on good terms?" Jacob asks.

"Oh you weren't here for Christmas. Phase and I'll show you what you missed."

~Next Day~

I woke up this morning to laughter; Jacob stayed over another night but he slept on the couch. I didn't want Ray getting the wrong idea about us.

I walk down the stairs and I am still half sleep when I sense Ray and Kyla.

"Hey guys." I greet while covering my mouth to yawn.

"Leah." Ray calls and he runs over to hug me. I can see Jacob eyeing us from the couch with coffee in his hand. He never drinks coffee why is he drinking coffee?

"Lee's." Kyla calls pulling herself away from her make out session with Embry.

"Hey Ky." She runs over to hug me.

"I am so glad that the evil vampires didn't eat you. Are you going to tell us what happened?" She asks rubbing my back. Then I hear a coffee cup shatter on the ground.

"Jacob, are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah sorry I'll clean it up." He says.

"I'll help you." I say quickly following him to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask folding my arms glaring at him.

"Yeah, I just realized everyone is going to want to know what happened to me and I don't want to talk about it." He says.

"Why don't you want to talk about fighting and surviving Jake?" I ask.

"Because if I would have stayed home and accepted my duties then it would have never happened and I wouldn't have ended up like I am now." He says

"And what are you now?" I ask.

"Afraid." He says softly.

Seth comes bouncing in the kitchen, "Hey guys." He says with a smile on his face.

"Why are you so happy?" I ask him.

"Because I had sex last night and it was awesome." He says happily.

"You did what? Eww, gross if we phase I don't want any mental pictures and I hope you used a condom because you don't need a kid or a STD."

"Leah we can't get STDs." Seth says.

"Say's who?" I ask as Jacob starts to laugh.

"Umm…well, when was the last time you had a cold?" He asks

"Seth if – whatever just remember there is a possibility you can. So if you stick your penis in a vagina, a mouth, or someone's ass you can catch it." I say with a smile on my face and walk out the kitchen.

Seth stumps out the kitchen bitching about how I can ruin a good moment.

"Leah did Emily tell you about the party?" Ray asks me.

"Yeah she told Jacob and me yesterday – well Sam told us."

I eventually got dressed to go to this god awful thing. Sam and Emily's house is small but she likes to hold 'gatherings' there. Why? I don't understand why she's just fucking annoying. I think as we walk up to their door with a smile.

As soon as we get into the door everyone is bombarding us with questions. Jacob hadn't seen everyone since he was back mostly because he didn't want to. He just hung around our house.

Jacob smiled and hugged everyone then went and sat in the seat further from everyone. The party was going well and then Billy decided that he was going to tell the story about the third wife again which was going to give me a bigger headache.

Ray and Kyla listened to the story intently and enjoyed every minute of it. I went outside for a smoke; Ky snuck me some cigarettes. While outside Jacob came with me.

"Smoking is bad for you Lee." He says smiling.

"It's better than drinking." I remark back laughing.

"I could use a drink right now." He says.

"_You_, shit so could I. I think your father needs to change the story of third wife and include me." I say.

"He does. Since you phased, if you listen you would know that." He says laughing

"What does he say?" I ask.

"Before it was only men who changed but it didn't stay like that for long. There is a strong independent woman. Who fights just as hard as the men; she is the only one of her kind for now but no matter how many come after her she will be the best of her kind. Well he says something like that not in those exact words." He says with a shrug smiling down at me.

We hear someone call our names and we retreat back to the house. When we walk back in Billy wants to speak with Jacob and the two retreat over to a private corner.

Ray grabs my hand and pulls it up to his mouth and says, "I love you." His affection only makes me smile and blush softly.

"I love you too." I say to him.

"Leah I have one wish. And I want you to promise me you will fulfill it." He says to me as I start to feel a bit nervous.

"What is it?" I ask quietly dropping my head down looking at the ground because I'm unsure of what he may ask.

He lifts my chin up and he looks at me, "Leah I know being with you could be potential danger so I'm asking if I ever get bit by a vampire. Don't try to save me by making me like the Cullen's just kill me before I turn." He says with a serious tone of voice and facial expression.

"Ray, I won't let that happen to you." I say desperately.

"Leah, just promise me. I don't want to be a potential danger to anyone including you or your family."

"Okay, I'll do it." I agree slowly nodding my head.

"Can I have every ones' attention please?" Jacob asks everyone.

"Thank you for the party. My father and Sam have offered me the chief position and I want to respectfully decline. I feel that I am not ready for those duties just yet and that I have a lot of growing up to do. I would also like to say that I am moving back home so if anyone needs anything don't be too shy to ask." He says and then he leaves.

The rest of the evening goes on with Jacob's refusal of Chief being the primary topic. Ray and I leave the party to go home and when we got there we find Jacob sleeping on the couch. Ray and I quietly slip upstairs to my room not wanting to disturb him and fall asleep.

I'm awakened the next morning by the sounds of people shouting. Jumping out of bed I quickly I run down stairs to see Nessie crying and screaming at Jacob while he is yelling and screaming at her demanding her to leave.

"Jacob calm down." Seth says trying to calm Jacob down.

"Do not to tell me what I can or cannot do." Jacob says to Seth in threatening tone.

"Jacob this is my house and I will not let you talk to a girl that way so either shut the hell up or get out." Seth yells back

"Seth." I call out trying to keep the argument from getting out of hand.

"Leah she came to apologize and he started to scream." He says to me in a pleading tone.

"Seth, go upstairs." I order and with a frown Seth heads towards the stairs

"You don't stay here either." He mumbles as he brushes past me.

"Nessie why are you here?" I ask her while watching Jacob pace back and forth.

"I came to apologize. We leave tomorrow and I couldn't leave with him mad at me."

"I'm not Ness. I'm fucking disappointed you left me to die. What don't you understand about that?" Jacob asks beginning to yell again.

"I am sorry; I didn't want to die! He said he would kill me I'm sorry for choosing my life over yours but I was scared." She yells back indignantly.

"I'm not mad that you chose your life. I'm mad that I have wasted my life. I have wasted my life protecting the very people that keep hurting me. Why don't you and your family just leave? They've caused nothing but heart break." He says looking at her with a deadly stare.

"Leah help." She begs.

"Nessie what do you want me to say? You ran me off." I state shrugging my shoulders. I wanted Jacob to talk to her for closure but I was wrong. I see it hurts him more by her standing here. I pick up a strong sweet and sickly scent that sends an angry tremor down my spine as Bella comes storming into the house.

"Why in the hell are you yelling at my daughter?" She demands with Edward tailing her.

"Bella." Edward reprimands.

"No Edward! Jacob grow up she is a child you can't be mad at a child its stupid." She screams.

"You know what Nessie I'm not mad at you I'm mad that you have stupid selfish ass parents." Jacob snaps redirecting his anger and frustration towards the two new arrivals. "I fought for you, saved you, turned against my own family for you and all you can think about is yourself in this situation. None of you every really cared about me. My pack sacrificed themselves as well but you didn't care as long as you got what you wanted. I'm done being your friend and completing your story – it ends to today." He says dismissing any room for argument.

"Jacob don't do this things were fine. It's just been rocky that's all. We just need to get back on track." Bella says with a weak smile slowly moving towards Jacob her hands extended in an attempt to hold him.

"Mom, stop it." Nessie snaps glaring daggers at Bella. "You're not married to Jacob your married to father so start acting like it." Nessie says and Edward and I start to smirk.

"But he is my best friend." She says pleading with her child.

"No, mom Alice is your best friend. Embry, Jacob and Quil are best friends. Jacob is right you ruined him; _we_ ruined him. Maybe its time we left Forks for good." She says quietly.

I walk over to Jacob holding his hand rubbing it softly. I find myself agreeing with Nessie; it is time to say good bye. Everyone needs to move on as we can't be tied to each other for life, right? I think silently to myself.

"Jacob would you like that; if we never came back?" Edward asks skeptically.

Jacob doesn't say anything and I can only assume that they are having a mental conversation.

"I want to start living my life Bella, Ness. I'm sorry but I think it would better if we didn't speak for awhile."

"Jacob how long is awhile?" Bella asks.

"Bella give Jacob time he will call when the time is right, wont you Jacob?"

"Yeah I will call." He answers not even bothering to look at any of the Cullens. Bella looks between Jacob and Edward and back at Jacob again before finally settling on following though with Jacob's wishes. The Cullens leave my house with both Bella and Nessie giving one last sad look back at Jacob before disappearing outside. I look over at Jacob as realization that hits me that for once since this whole wolf-vampire mess started; Jacob can be left at peace – he doesn't have to take care of anyone anymore. No more clumsy Bella Swan and no more Renesmee Carlie Cullen the needy imprint.

"Jacob, are you going to be okay?"

"Leah, for the first time in a long time I will be fine." Jacob says looking down at me with a warm, genuine and old smile – a smile I've not seen in years. It's the smile Jacob Black always had before Bella Swan entered into our lives back when I was still head over in heels in love with Sam Uley. I return Jacob's smile with one of my own just glad to hear him say it.

I excuse myself to take a shower and change because despite everything it's time for me to return to Seattle. As I am getting dressed Ray is outside loading the car and checking under the hood before we left. Embry and Ky are making plans to see each other. I hear a knock at my bedroom door.

"Come in." I call folding up some last remaining articles of clothes.

"Hey I was bringing some of my things up." Jacob says smiling.

"Couldn't you have waited until I left?" I ask.

"No." He says moving closer to the side of me.

"Why?" I ask

"Because…I have something I need to tell you. So don't be mad okay?" He asks nervously scratching the back of his neck.

"Okay." I agree skeptically turning to face Jacob.

"I love you." He blurts out quickly. "I know I have told you this and we are going to keep going back and forth about the subject. I know you are with him and I get that you love him but I will be waiting. I will be here whenever you're ready to come back." Jacob says closing the gap between us and taking my hands into his. "I will be here whenever you need me because I know that you are the woman for me. And I just hope that one day soon you'll see that." I find myself speechless, unable to say anything within this moment. And I'm not even sure if I _want _to say anything because right now Ray is safe.

Jacob hugs me tightly; he doesn't say anything he just hugs me and I start to cry. I'm crying because I love Jacob but I am afraid to be with him.

"This is the last time." I say between whimpers.

"Last time for what?" He asks quietly as I feel his body tense.

I don't say anything I kiss him softly. It is warm and sensual as he slowly moves his lips with mine and he is moving his arms to the small of my back while holding me tightly. This is our last time because like the Cullens I won't be coming back. I break the kiss – our last kiss I tell myself we will ever share.

"Bye Jacob." I say quietly hugging him tightly.

**Thanks KKJ Best Beta!!!**


	12. Three years she grew

**Chapter 12**

"**Three Years She Grew"**

**Disclaimer: Yes I jacked the title of a wonderful author's poem for my Blackwater. I own nothing William Wordsworth owns the title and all that **Three years has **comes with it. S/M owns everything that has to with twilight. I hope you enjoy! **

Three years has passed since I made my appearance in La Push. My mom comes up with Seth and Embry to visit often. This Saturday is my graduation and they're coming up here for it except this time they are bringing the entire La push pack with them. Ray is throwing me a graduation party at our brand new house he purchased which is huge. He asked that I move in with him; he knew I was not ready for marriage but I could take baby steps towards the idea. We have been living here for a year now; it is a one story dark red brick house with a wrap around porch. It has navy blue shutters and 5 huge bay windows 2 facing the front yard and 2 in the back there is 1 in the potential baby's room. We have 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms and a loft that has its own bathroom.

Ray, Kyla, Embry and I went on a trip to Miami last summer and while we were eating at a beautiful Moroccan restaurant I got my period in the middle of dinner. While most people would have been mortified I was practically dancing around the restaurant thanking the Taha Aki. Everyone thought I was crazy I'm sure.

Today I'm standing in front of my full length mirror making sure I look perfect today. I have on a basic plain white sundress that looks wonderful against my bonze skin tone. I think the tan I got when we were in Miami stuck with me now my skin glows and it's beautiful. I bend down to lace my matching wedge Prada heels. I take in a single strong breath and walk out the door to start a new life. Today is my graduation and I feel like I'm finally getting the life that I was supposed to have.

"Leah, we are running late." Kyla calls.

"I'm coming." I yell back.

I walk down the hall and Kyla has our cap and gowns in her hands, "Let's go." I say smiling brightly.

Kyla and I sit in our seats waiting on the dean to call our names. I'm sitting in the back with some of the basketball team and two models because I'm tall as shit. Kyla on the other hand is in the second row texting me bored out of her mind and anxious.

"Leah Sarah Clearwater." The dean says and I quickly stand up.

I walk across stage nervously when I walk across half of La Push stands up and clap and yell though they were told in the beginning of the graduation not to. I smell Jacob along with another distinct smell; I was told he wasn't coming and he isn't sitting with our family.

After the graduation we meet everyone on the grassy hill.

"Congratulations Leah, Kyla. We're going to take you out to eat." Carmen, Ray's mother, says giving each of us a quick hug.

"I thought we were having a party at our house." I say turning to Ray.

"Come on babe." Ray says grabbing my hands.

"Where are we eating?" Upset that he changed plans without me.

"Well, it is a surprise." He says kissing my cheek. I don't like surprises I think to myself.

We arrive at Ruth's Chris steak house and we all walk in to the restaurant and it has a banner that says congratulations Leah and Kyla but then I notice the restaurant is empty.

"Where is everyone?" I ask.

"Well I thought this was a night for family and friends so I called in a favor to the owner and he let me rent it out for the night." Ray says.

"Thank you baby." I say kissing him.

We eat dinner and everything is going well. Everyone I love is here except Jacob; I know he was there at the graduation which is really important to me. It shows me that even though I told him to stay away he still cares enough to be in my life – even if it's just discretely.

After dinner we all say our goodbyes. Little Sam is grabbing my knees saying he wants 'to stay with his Lee-Lee'.

"Daddy I wanna stay with Lee-Lee." He screams. He is four now and is like his father in every way; I guess possessiveness is a part of the Uley DNA. I pick little Sam up and give him to Emily who kisses me goodbye.

"Before you all leave I would like to thank you for coming out and supporting Leah today. We love you all and it means a lot that you came. Leah I want to ask you something." Ray says turning to me.

"Okay, what is it?" I ask.

"Will you marry me?" He asks catching me off guard. I can't say anything I just keep shaking my head back and forth profusely.

"Leah, tell the man 'yes'." My mother yells from the back of me.

"Yeah, Clearwater, otherwise this would have been a wasted night." Paul says.

"Shut the fuck up Paul. Yes I will marry you." I yell.

Ray places this beautiful 1 karat solitaire diamond platinum ring on my left ring finger and his excitement he picks me up and spins me around.

"It's perfect." I scream

"I know you don't like big and flashy things so this fits you perfect." He says into my ear.

"Welcome to our little family." Carmen says kissing the side of my cheek when Ray puts me back down.

"Welcome to our big one." My mom says hugging Carmen.

**~6 months later~ **

Its morning as I awaken to the sound of the alarm buzzing. I get up finding myself alone in bed; Ray having already left for work. I stretch with a small smile on my lips because today is my day off. I get up and dress throwing on some old shorts and button-up shirt deciding to some yard work today. Ky had bought me a flat of flowers and I decide that today is as good as any to plant them. Before I start though I stop in the kitchen to fix me some coffee when the phone rings.

"Hi, mom." I say excitedly.

"Leah, you have to come home quick." She screams frantically easily freaking me out.

"Why, what happened?" I scream back.

"Billy died." She whimpers.

I drop the coffee mug I'm holding as I'm suddenly hit the new. It feels like my father is dying all over again. I slide down to the floor as my breathing starts to become slow and ragged as I fight back a bout of tears. I can imagine how Jacob is feeling; he just opened a garage in Forks. He was living with Billy again and from what I heard everything was working out for him. Paul and Rachel moved into a house in Forks closer to the police station. Paul got a job with Charlie as a police officer.

I call Ray to tell him what's going on. He can't come so I will go by myself. After packing my clothes I get in my car and call Kyla on my way down to La Push. Kyla says she can't come down until the day before the funeral. When I get to La push I go to Seth and Embry's house and everything looks the way I left it. Quil comes out the house to greet me.

"So you're telling me that Jacob comes home and Billy has a smile on his face?" I ask Quil after he finishes telling me what happened to Billy.

"Yeah." Quil states while laughing softly.

"SO he didn't have a heart attack or anything?"

"No, he died of natural causes and with a smile on his face." Quil says shaking his head.

"How is Jacob?" I ask.

"He isn't doing so well. He's fine that his dad is at peace but-." Then he trails of looking out the window.

"But what Quil?" I inquire.

"I think he is lonely. He doesn't have anyone else, ya know?"

"He has his sisters and you guys. Isn't that what you all are here for? I ask frowning at him.

"Sometimes it's not enough." Quil says shaking his and shrugging looking at me pointedly.

It is now an awkward silence when we hear someone pull up to the house.

"Lee-Lee." I hear a voice yell. I look down and its little Sam, Jr.

"Hey." I say back.

"Hey Leah." Emily says.

"Everyone is at Billy's. Your mom is waiting for you." She says as I nod my head heading towards my car. I drive over to Billy's house.

I walk into the kitchen where the women are; there are a few women from the rez and the imprints along with my mother. They're all busy cooking and my mom looks disheveled like how she looked when my dad died. Charlie's on the couch just staring into space. He has lost both of his best friends. I begin looking around for Jacob thinking he must have gone to his room. I hug my mom and tell her it will be fine.

"You should go check on Jake." She says patting my hands.

I walk into the small room and find him lying on the bed with his eyes closed looking angelic. So I walk over to sit in his computer chair and I sit watching him sleep as he stirs a bit before settling down. Nessie walks in quietly and with a warm smile motions for me to follow her out of his room.

"How long have you been back?" She asks me.

"I just arrived about an hour ago." I state quietly.

"I'm glad you're here he needs us." She says looking down at her feet.

"How are things?" I ask her.

"Med school is fun. I tutor some of the other students." She says with a smile.

"What about you?" She asks.

"The restaurant is being constructed as we speak; Esme was kind enough to draw out some great floor plans." I say smiling.

Jacob started talking to the Cullens again two years ago. He told Bella and Nessie that he wanted to have a healthy relationship with them not a co-dependent one. So he saw them every now and then and it worked better for them. Esme called me after my graduation and asked me if I wanted to be partner with her she wanted to open a restaurant. I was sketchy at first because I didn't want contact with the Cullens but she agreed to meet me every other month to discuss the business and we would go on from there. I still think till this day Seth had something to do with it; why would she call me out of all the vamps she know to become a partner at a restaurant she could afford to do it herself? I told Seth I wanted a restaurant but I didn't have enough money and some of the bank requirements.

I hear stirring inside the door and a groggy Jacob walks out. He looks at me and he stares as if he didn't expect me to be there.

"I'll be with Grandma Sue if anyone needs me." Nessie says abruptly and she is gone in a flash.

"Hi." I say quietly. He hugs me and he inhales deeply and I rub his back gently.

He pulls me into his room. We're standing there and he is holding me so close and rocking slowly. I feel his body begin to convulse slightly as he silently begins to cry. I say nothing and instead opt to just hold him like he is holding me and then I start to cry with him. I don't know if it's because of Billy or it's because I just realized how much I miss my friend, my Alpha. He gathers himself after about ten minutes and lies back down on the bed taking me with him.

"I'm glad you came." He says softly.

"I'm glad to be here for you." I respond back softly looking into his eyes and he smiles back at me.

"How long are you here for?" He asks me.

"How long do you need me?" I ask.

"I will always need you Lee." He says looking at me intently.

"Ja-," I start to say when he cuts me off.

"I know, just stay as long as you need to." I smile

He continues to stare at me for awhile and then his gaze releases me.

"When I came home my dad had been looking at my mother's pictures; he had them sprawled across the bed. He had a picture of her in his hands and a smile on his face." Then he smiled.

"Quil tried to explain it to me." I say lightly.

"Yeah, he doesn't do a good job sometimes. My Dad died happy Lee. He missed my mom so much and now he is with her again." He says whispering the last part.

"I know Jake."

"Becca is coming down, she's bringing her husband." He explains.

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah."

I stay with Jacob until he falls back to sleep again and return back to Seth and Embry's. When I arrive I find Kyla there waiting for my return.

"I thought you couldn't come until the funeral?" I ask her.

"Embry was really upset, so I worked something's out." She says with a shrug.

She and I talked to her before I head to my mother's old room to sleep. The next morning I'm awakened by the sun's ray shining in through the blinds. I sit up in bed pulling my knees up to my chest; tomorrow is Billy's funeral and I found myself worrying because I couldn't be sure how everyone was going to take it when the realization finally hit. I get up and take a shower then throwing on some baggy grey sweat pants and a tight fitting black t-shirt. I unpack my dress, for the service, and hang it up in the closet before heading off to Jacob's in a light sprint.

"Leah Clearwater!" Becca yells at me.

"Rebecca Black." I yell back.

"Rachel Black." Paul, Jr. yells out in Becca's arm. We both look at him with confused expressions before we both start laughing. Paul, Jr. is only three and as much as I hate to admit it he is the cutest thing ever.

"It's good to see you Leah." Becca says.

"Same here. I wish it was under different circumstances." I say calmly.

"I do too but when Jacob said he found him with a smile on his face I was happy – he gets to be with Mom." She says with a small and bittersweet smile on her face.

"Where is Rachel?" I ask.

"She's at home I went over and got Paul Jr. She's not taking it so well." She says sadly.

"She'll be okay. So where is your husband? I finally get to meet him."

"He's at the store with Jake. Did you know that the guys around here eat so fucking much?" Becca asks me with a hard frown. "Do you think they have the munchies or something?" She asks and I can't say anything but just laugh.

I can smell Emily approaching and quickly sober up. Ever since Sam imprinted Rebecca's hated Sam; it was Rebecca I called to confide in when Sam dumped me for my cousin. Every since that day Rebecca has made it her own personal cause to hate Emily Young/Uley.

"Hey you guys." Emily says cheerfully walking up.

"Hey Em." I greet and Becca gives her a hand wave with no smile.

"Becca I see you're back. Did your husband come with you?" Emily asks trying to ignore Becca's cold demeanor.

"Why would you want to know? So you can steal him too?" Becca snaps angrily and my mouth falls open. I try not to laugh and fail horribly giving in to my amusement. Looking over I see Emily's eyes are wide with anger, shock and embarrassment.

"Becca" I hiss but I start to chuckle.

"I know the two of you made up but I don't live here so I don't have to be friendly." Becca states coldly turning up her nose at Emily.

"Well I guess bitch number two is back." Emily says snidely glaring at Becca.

"Yes I am. Why are you here anyway?" Becca ask.

"To tell you I'm sorry for your loss and I saw that Rachel isn't doing so well." Emily says her eyes softening and showing her sadness.

"Thank you." Becca says nicely.

"I'm hungry." I state loudly wanting to avoid this soft mushy and sappy making up session.

"I'll make you something. I gotta cook the guys some food anyway." Emily says.

Jacob and Brad, Becca's husband, soon arrive with the groceries. My mom is cooking and so is Emily so dinner is covered. Rachel finally emerges with Paul in tow we sit and talk for awhile.

I see Jacob go to the garage and I follow him outside.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask.

"Getting away." He says.

"Oh okay." I comment and slowly turn around. "I'll leave you alone then." I say quietly.

"No, don't go. I could always have you around." He say's with a gentle smile grabbing my clothes.

"I miss this sometimes." I say quietly in his grasp.

"Being in my arms?" He asks pulling me closer.

"No, I miss being around you in general. I have Ray and Kyla and even Embry sometimes but I still feel lonely." I admit quietly.

"Why don't you call me?" He asks me.

"Because I don't want to-," I begin but stop letting out a frustrating sigh.

"Admit your true feelings." He says completing my sentence.

"No, I don't." I say honestly.

"Why Leah, I am everything you need you're everything I need so why not take the chance?" He asks me.

"Because it hurts Jake, I don't want that pain. I took a chance with you and I took a chance with Sam and both times I get fucked by both of you." I say straining my voice and turning away from me.

Jacob comes behind me and he pushes my arms to my sides. He kisses the side of my jaw line and trails kisses down my neck. I have silent tears running down my face because I don't think I'm strong enough to stop this time. Jacob turns me around and I am facing him now as he kisses me roughly grabbing the back of my hair. I grab the sides of his cheeks and the sun hits my engagement ring Jacob stops kissing me.

"Are you going to marry him?" He asks me urgently.

"Yes." I say truthfully.

"Why?" He asks.

"Because I love him." I say.

"But you want me don't you?" He asks.

I don't say anything because I will be lying if I did. Jacob turns me around bending my body across the rabbit pulling my sweat pants down. I don't stop him because I want this badly but I feel awful about doing this to Ray. I can feel Jacob rubbing against me and it feels good. Ray can never touch me the way Jacob does. I can feel myself getting wet as Jacob grabs my shoulder with one hand and enters me slowly. He lets out a deep sigh and I moan softly as he pumps in me slowly moving in and out as I cry out in bliss. He then slides out of me and flips me over on my back. Looking up I can see his eyes looking back down at me; his piercing gaze making me hot for him all over. I slowly close my legs and he pulls them apart. He grabs my thighs pulling me back to his hard penis and glides back into me. He pumps in me roughly and my eyes start rolling in the back of my head. This feels euphoric and I am happy that I am experiencing it. his breathing begins to quicken along with his pace as I scream out his name in our mixed pleasure. He shouts out that he's about to cum and I tell him I'm not far behind him as well. Picking me up from off the hood of the car he starts to fuck me while standing up and I straddle him holding on for dear life. Gripping my hips tightly he impales me on his penis quickly building us up to our breaking point.

"Jake I'm cumming." I yell out with a blissful tear running down my face.

"Leah-" He nearly screeches and he sits me back on the rabbit.

**Thank KKJ best beta! **

**Please click on the green button it's to review when I get reviews I write faster!!! **


	13. The Right Choice

**Chapter 13**

**The right Choice**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

Yesterday plays over and over in my head. I don't know what to do; I'm in love with Jacob but I refuse to leave Ray. I'm turning into the people I persecuted and hated every day of my life. I'm becoming weak like Emily and Jacob is becoming the dominating Sam that leaves. Ray is the poor clueless me and all I can think is how could I have done this?

Today is Billy's funeral he wanted his ashes to blow in the wind from the cliff – the same cliff we cliff dive off. I get up out of bed yawning and stretching. I don't want to go through this again I feel like I'm saying good bye to my father once more. Billy was more like La Push's father. I walk slowly to the bathroom to prepare myself for Billy's service. I glance at myself in the mirror and I look away horrified at myself; I don't recognize me anymore because I'm a liar and a cheat.

I finish dressing putting on a black simple pant suit and some boots. It's quite cold for it to be in the middle November. I walk downstairs to get some coffee and toast when I see Jacob is sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal. He looks up at me and smile and I half heartedly smile back at him. I walk over to the counter to put some bread in the toaster when I feel Jacob's hot hands grab my shoulders.

"Good morning." He says inhaling in my scent.

"Good morning." I say back quietly wishing secretly he'll go away.

He turns me around towards him so I can look him in his face but I don't want to so I look at his feet.

"Leah, look at me." He says with a low and husky voice.

"What do you want?" I ask looking up at him while biting my bottom lip pouting.

"You look really sexy when you do that." He says smiling at me. I release my bottom lip and try to look disappointed though I am happy that he finds me sexy.

"Leah what's wrong?" He asks me with a serious tone and facial expression.

"I don't want what happened yesterday to happen again." I say quietly finding myself staring at the clock on the wall behind his head.

"Really? Is that why you can't look me in the eye and say it? Because you don't want to do it again? He asks with a playful smirk on his face.

"Ja-ke." I stutter before he kisses me. I push him off of me harshly causing him to stumble back. I'm not as strong as I use to be when I was phasing.

"Do not touch me again Jake or I will actually put you on your ass." I say with a menacing tone trying to convince him and myself that I am serious.

"Leah, did yesterday mean anything?" He asks me.

"Yes and that's why it can't happen. I can be here for you but I can't be with you." I say while storming out of the kitchen. He follows quickly behind me calling my name.

"Leah." He calls I stop and turn around.

"Jake, just try to find someone else like I did. I got away and I found love; you can do it to. You don't have to leave the Rez. Lauren Sanders has had a crush on you longer than your crush on Bella." I screech out of control.

"Is that what you want?" He asks skeptically looking up at me with sad and hurt filled eyes.

"Yes I want you to move on." I tell him feeling sick to my stomach with the lie.

"Fine, I will." He says narrowing his eyes before looking away from me.

"I will always be here for you I'm your friend but I can't offer anything else." I say starting to cry as I walk away.

It's time for Billy's funeral and all of La Push is standing on the edge of the cliffs. Jacob has his father's ashes in his hands. Jacob says a prayer in our native language before he opens the urn and tosses the ashes out into the sea and air. The ashes blow perfectly in the wind some settling to the sea and some drifting off beautifully. I hold Rebecca and Rachel's hands like I did at their mother's funeral. The only difference is that we're not young and naïve and Jacob isn't fighting to get out of my mother's arms to sit in his father's lap who is crying.

We are much older now and we've learned more after being forced to grow up at an early age. I look over to my left and I see Bella is clutching her father's hand. Nessie walks up to Jacob and hold his hand and my brother is holding onto my mothers. For a moment by the bushes I could have sworn I saw my father standing with Sarah, Jacob's mom, as if they were waiting on Billy's arrival. I wanted to tell Seth to look but by the time he makes eye contact with me they're gone. It reminds me how much I thought I needed him. Butt before he left he had taught Seth and I all we needed to know it was up to us what we were going to do with the knowledge.

After the service everyone goes to the beach for a bonfire. I decide lay out in the forest naked and since I've chosen no longer phase this is one of my view enjoyments. There's something peaceful about lying out in the forest naked with no distractions – it's a sense of freedom, sense of being one with the world around me. My temperature runs at 100 degrees now; lower than what it was after I phased but catching a cold still isn't possible. I lay down in the mud after hanging my clothes on bush. I dig my feet in the cold soil reminding me what it was like to run through the cold damp mud and grass hitting my paws. I fall asleep in the mud forgetting that I wasn't in wolf form and that someone may worry.

When I awaken I find a huge and warm body lying next to me. As my eyes adjust I immediately recognize the russet colored fur next to me; Jacob is lying next to me breathing softly. I quickly sit up covering myself as best I can. Jacob immediately jumps and carefully backs away from me before phasing.

"Sorry I came looking for you and you fell asleep; so I stayed." He says coming to sit next to me.

"What time is it?" I ask looking at him feeling my eyes scan over his body.

"It's around two in the morning." He says scanning over my body.

"How are you doing?" I ask bashfully.

"I'm heartbroken and lonely." He says with a bitter smirk on his face.

"Sometimes lonely can be a good thing." I say while getting up.

"Don't Leah." Jacob calls quickly grabbing hold of my arm. "Just stay with me one more night. Then whatever you wanna do just do it. But please stay with me one more night." He says pleading with his eyes.

I sit back down next to him and he puts his hot arm around my shoulder pulling me into his chest and slowly lies back on the ground.

"Do you wanna phase and run?" He asks me.

"Jacob I stop phasing three years ago." I say quietly I thought he knew that.

"I thought you started back when you saved me. Why did you stop?" He asks.

"Because, I want to be a mother more than I want to be a wolf. I have to see if it will work." I state inhaling in his scent that smells like pine.

"Understandable." He says slowly moving his hand to my hip bone.

I sniff towards his collarbone and plant a small kiss on it. I lay my head back down on his chest as he starts to slowly start to strum around my hip bone causing me to giggle. I look up at him and he looks back at me and smiles slightly and it feels like we made an instant connection. I feel my body betraying me as Jacob's face comes closer to mine I turn away slightly and he take his nose and pushes my face towards his.

He starts to kiss me slowly and eagerly as I moan softly in his mouth. I deepen the kiss moving my body forward towards his torso. Jacob puts his hand behind my head and I slowly climb on top of him with my arms behind his head. He sits up slightly dropping his hands to the ground grabbing the grass. I now can feel him getting hard and I am getting wet. I look at him as he looks at me as he pushes me on to the ground and I sigh from my contact with the ground. He sits up on his knees and opens my legs and drags me by my thighs up to him. I prop myself up on my forearms. He holds his penis and slowly moves his head against my clit making me moan in desperation.

"Do you want me?" He asks his voice sounding husky and deep with lust.

"No." I whisper trying to fight back a smirk while biting my lips.

"I'll change your mind." He says smugly before flipping me over.

I then feel two of his fingers entering my wet center and he starts moving them quickly. He's only just started and I can already feel my orgasm reaching its limit. His hands reach around and pinch my nipples causing me to scream in shock and pleasure. I move forcefully back against his fingers yelling, "I am going to c-." He quickly removes his finger out of my wet core.

"Say you want me." He demands whispering in my ear causing me to shiver.

"I want you." I say submitting to his will.

He turns me around flipping me once again on my back. He kisses my neck slowly trailing kissing down to my breasts taking his time on each breast. Then he enters me forcefully making me see stars and rainbows. I scream as Jacob's grunts and moans wildly; animalistic like. I close my eyes and bite on my bottom lip.

"Open your eyes. I want to you to look at me as you cum." He demands and I look him in the eye like he commands. I look at him and the same euphoric feeling I had in the garage returns and the only thing I can do is grab hold of the back of neck and moan in pleasure.

After were done Jacob returns to my house and falls asleep next to me in the bed.

"Leah no one answered the door but it was open I decided to come up I-" I hear who I think is Emily and before I have time to figure out who it is or even if I'm dreaming I hear a scream. Sitting up in bed I feel suddenly dizzy from the sudden head rush and shield my eyes from the rare sun's rays coming into my room..

"What the fuck get out." I scream at her covering my ears with my hands.

"Leah how could you?" She says before turning around swiftly. I get up grabbing one of shirts that is lying on the ground on my bedroom floor. I throw the shirt on so I can catch Emily before she walks out the door.

As I run down the stairs she turning the knob and I can hear her sobbing.

"Emily stop." I yell at her as she stops turning the door knob.

"How could you?" She asks turning towards me tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Fuck you I don't have to explain anything to you." I say pissed off at her dumb question.

"Oh yes you do." She snaps angrily. "After all the fucking years of being mad at me and you do the same thing. You hypocritical bitch!" Emily yells at me. I have never in my life heard her scream like that.

"For the last time. Fuck you and if you tell anyone I will scar the other side of your face." I all but scream at her.

"NO Leah. Fuck you." She says and turns around. I grab her by her shoulder turning her towards me pushing her against the door.

"You will not tell anyone – you owe me." I growl out glaring at her as my hold on her shoulder tightens.

She is scared of me and I think I scared myself – just a little. She quickly nods her head and allowing one more menacing growl to escape my throat I release my hold. Turning my back on her I walk and sit down on the couch. I try to fight it – I try to hold back the tears but I find myself crying. Emily quickly sits down on the couch beside me and begins rubbing my back.

"Every time I'm near him I just have this uncontrollable urge to touch him. I don't know if it's just some basic wolf instinct or something primal but its hell. All I know is I want it to stop. I don't want to keep doing this to Ray." I explain sobbing into my hands as Emily looks on with a sad frown.

"I don't understand you were so against me now it's like you are me." Emily says sadly.

"I'm not like you." I snap startling her. "You wanted this life; that's all you wanted was a family and a husband. I want other things. I wanted to get out and succeed and _then_ I wanted a family. Now I'm finally doing something with my life and La Push – Jacob keeps drawing me back." I state angrily my hands clenching into tight fists.

"Leah, sometimes we never get what we want – that's life." Emily says sensibly and my jaw clenches tightly. As if _I_ don't already know that.

Emily continues sitting with me on the couch in an awkward and comforting silence before she excuses herself. She has her own life to get back to as I sit here on the couch wondering what it is that I should do next. I know I need to go back to Ray before I lose everything that I've worked so hard to have. I can't come back here – I refuse to just be the she-wolf, the bitch of La Push.

When I get up to my room Jacob is laying on the bed awake staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm going back to Seattle." I say sternly.

"Okay." He says quietly never bothering to look at me.

I nod my head and quickly head towards the bathroom. As I open the bathroom door I realize that Kyla and Embry both are in the shower. I had completely forgotten that they were staying here and they both probably heard what happened. I hang my head letting out a sigh as I back out the bathroom and head downstairs to the kitchen hoping that some breakfast will ease me. Once I'm in the kitchen I'm greeted with Seth sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. I try my best to ignore the look of disappointment across his face – is he disappointed because I _slept_ with Jacob? Or because I'm staying to be with Jacob?

"Are you leaving?" Seth asks and I can hear the sadness in his voice.

"Yes, I have to." I tell him not even having the courage to look my brother in the eyes.

"Not if you make the right choice." He says sternly and the tone in his voice draws my eyes towards his. The disappointment is gone and is replaced with a quiet, calm and wise look. In this moment Seth looks like Daddy and that thought only seems to add onto my guilt.

"I've made my choice and I'm going through with it." I state looking away with a hard frown. I excuse myself telling Seth that I'm going up to my room to pack my things.

By the time I make it back up to my room Jacob is already gone and Kyla is now sitting on my bed wrapped up in a towel. I look at her confused before a smirk crosses my lips and I place my hands on my hips cocking my head to the side. "Are you here to seduce me?" I ask jokingly trying to ease the tension that is built up in the room.

"No, I'm here asking you what the fuck is wrong with you?" Kyla snaps and my hands fall off of my hips.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say playing dumb. Of course, I know what she's talking about – one of these 'playing dumb' has to work.

"Leah, you know damn well what I'm talking about. Embry heard everything Emily and you were talking about." She says folding her arms and glaring at me.

"I can't help it okay. I use to feel that way about him. When I'm in Seattle I'm fine. But when I'm here I want to fuck him nonstop." I breathe out shaking my head because it's the truth but none of it makes much sense – at least not to me.

"You should have broken it off with Ray." She says getting up from my bed and leaving me alone in my room.

The next morning I awaken to a headache and my entire body is stiff. I found myself completely stressing out about seeing Ray during the entire drive back to Seattle. I feel some kind of relief when I realize that he's not at home – he must've already left for work. My growling stomach forces me out of bed and I quickly head towards the kitchen – I'm starving. I've not eaten anything since leaving La Push yesterday morning after my conversation with Kyla. As I'm heading towards the kitchen I can smell food already prepared. Walking into the kitchen I see Ray who quickly turns around giving me a big smile while holding a stack of pancakes.

"Good morning babe." He greets me as he walks over to the table. I look at him and my heart is breaking thinking over what I've done to him.

"I cheated on you." I blurt out quickly shutting my eyes tight. My eyes quickly open as I hear the plate of pancakes crash to the floor and I see Ray's face. His expression is nothing but a mixture of shock, hurt and confusion. His eyes are searching mine as if looking for some kind of hint that what I just said isn't true – it's doubt and disbelief.

"Wh-what?" He croaks out shaking his head as if to clear his mind.

"I cheated on you with Jacob." I admit slowly and I feel my breaking with his pained expression.

"Why would you do that?" He demands suddenly pounding his fists on the counter.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I tell him starting to cry as my shoulders slump. Honestly, I really don't believe it.

"Why?" He yells with demands stomping over and quickly snatching my wrists.

"You will not put your hands on me." I tell yanking my wrists back out of his grasp.

"I don't understand." Ray says shaking his head his eyes looking around as if in search of some sense of reason. "All that you went through and you do this to _me. _Why?" He asks again hurt each time he thinks about it.

"I don't know." I admit shaking my head my tears still falling. "When I'm near him I want to have sex with him." I say bluntly and loudly.

"Do you love him?" He asks me with his voice breaking.

"Yes, but not the way I love you." I tell Ray desperately wanting and hoping that he'll believe me. "It almost feels forced; I'm not in control with our love. I know I chose you but when I'm with him it's like – like something primal and wild." I whisper out before finally just plopping down in a chair.

"So you think your wolf side is in love with him? Do you really expect me to believe that?" Ray asks as he laughs bitterly and before I can answer he turns walking out the kitchen. I call after him before getting up to follow him. I watch transfixed as Ray grabs his keys and before my mind and body has time to process what is happening he's already flying down the street – his Audi disappearing around the corner.

It's been four days since Ray walked out on me and the only message or form of communication I've been able to have with him was a simple text message saying "I'm not dead". But that was two days ago. He hasn't even bothered to come home for any clothes – anything. I hurt the person I love and I don't know how he will forgive me or if I can forgive myself.

Today is the fifth day that Ray has been gone. I wake up to check the house phone and my cell phone then my email and there is still no word since that last message. I walk to the kitchen to make me some chocolate milk. I got out side to sit on the porch in the backyard and I look out towards my garden wishing that he'll just come home. Everything is falling apart around me. Kyla and I haven't spoken since she came back from La Push. I've seen her at work but she refuses to speak to me – she seems to think that I'm keeping a secret from her. I tried to convince her that I wasn't hiding anything from her. She already knows what I did and I admitted it to her but she still doesn't believe me. I've lost not only the man I love but my best friend as well. I soon find myself praying to Taha Aki that he'll bring my warrior back home to me.

I finish up my glass and I head back inside dropping off my glass in the sink before heading to the bathroom. I have a meeting with Esme about a possible site for our restaurant and will get a shower first. Heading into our bedroom I'm surprised to hear the shower running. I quickly run towards the door and nearly knock it down in my desperation to make sure I'm not just dreaming. When I enter the bathroom I see Ray taking off his shirt. He looks over at me and I can't help but to smile at him.

"Are you going to stay?" I ask him.

"Yes." He says calmly. He walks over and hugs me. I inhale his scent and the smell is giving me a headache. My nose scrunches up as I detect the scent of cheap perfume and cigarettes. The first thing I think of is that bitch, Erin.

"Did you sleep with Erin?" I ask in disbelief backing away from him before I phase.

"It hurts doesn't it Leah?" Ray asks coldly breaking our hug. "It hurts to know that you're not special enough to keep me with just you." He says with a menacing look. I start to shake and I think I'm going to phase.

"Did you fuck her?" I yell with a tear rolling down my face.

"No, but I wanted to and I should have. But I fucking didn't because I still love you when I want to hate!" He yells his eyes narrowed, his nostrils flared and his hands clenched into tight fists. I stalk over to him and slap him in the face.

"Don't ever do that again." I scream at him trying to hold back my tears.

"Do what lie to you?" He asks rubbing his sore cheek.

"No. Don't disappear and come back smelling like a $2 hooker." I scream. "I love you, Ray. I don't want to choose between the two of you because I chose you a long time ago. I fucked up and I know I have to pay for it. I get it but please just forgive me." I ask biting my lip awaiting his response.

Ray walks over slowly and pulls me into a tight hug. I eagerly hold him closer to me feeling my anxiety and fears melt away now that I'm secure back in his arms – the arms of the man I love. We shower together – making love during the process. I know Ray is doing it because he wants to be certain that I am his.

**~2 months later~**

It has been two months since I cheated on Ray with Jacob. Things were very rocky in the beginning of rebuilding our trust and relationship. We have been taking things one day at a time. Our relationship has been better and we know each other better. Kyla and I started back talking when she found out that I came home and told Ray that I had been with Jacob. I was mad at her because I felt like she wasn't being a true friend but a true friend calls you out on your shit whether you want to hear it or not.

Tonight we are all going to Cranes to celebrate the opening of the restaurant which is next week and it happens to be New Year's Eve.

We make it to Cranes and the place is wild they have done some renovations for the party. They have added a balcony and a patio which is currently where there is an oil wrestling match that caught Embry and Ray's eyes. And so those two have disappeared for a couple of minutes.

"Are you going to drink tonight?" Kyla ask as we stroll over to the bar.

"No not tonight. I have to meet Esme and I don't want to wake up with a hangover." I shout over to her.

"Ok well I'm getting wasted." She says then she starts wooing for no reason at all.

The boys finally make their way back inside and joins us at the bar. Embry still phases so it takes a good amount of drinks for him to feel a buzz. However, he didn't feel like spending $300 on a three minute buzz. Ray and Kyla on the other hand are trashed. The only reason they aren't falling down is because we are here to hold them up. We are having a lot of fun but the clock struck twelve and that was two hours ago; it's time to leave.

Embry and I decide to go to this twenty four hour diner so that Kyla and Ray can sober up. We order them pancakes because it's easy to swallow and chew while Embry and I get hamburgers. Embry and Kyla are going to crash at our house to night and we are all tired and in desperate need of some rest. As we get outside a faint familiar smell creeps up my nose.

"Leah do you smell that?" Embry whispers the question.

"Yeah is it what I think it is?" I whisper back and he nods. I'm going to have to phase but I don't think it's a good Idea.

"Leah, it's about time that we met." Says a vampire stepping out of the shadows. His eyes are the deep glowing red of a murdering leech. I let out a deep growl baring my teeth to this man who looks to be about 24-years old. He's tall as Embry and if he wasn't a leech I'd probably find him some what attractive. I shift to stand in front of Ray and my muscle tense and I suddenly find myself unable to move – I'm paralyzed.

"You can't move." A new voice breaks in causing my stomach to churn. The voice belongs to another leech – a female with the same piercing red eyes, pale skin. My eyes narrow at the new arrival – another flamed-haired leech. I try to will my body to move but I can't and I hear Embry phase beside me letting out an angry and menacing growl.

**Thanks KKJ Best Beta**

**A/N: WTF who is that leech? Btw Leah has a secret! Review and you will find out! **

**Thank you to everyone that reads, have me on alerts and who also reviews! **

**I want more reviews so if you haven't been reviewing do me this one solid review! **

**Thanks again everyone! **


	14. Possibilities

**Chapter 14**

**Possibilities **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**A/N: Things are about to change for Leah Clear water! The next 7 chapter will be based off the seven stages of grief.**

**Any words you see being said are made completely up out of my mind with a little help from Buffy the vampire slayer! Please do not try this at home because I'm not responsible for anything that may or may not happen **

There are two now and I still can't move; she most have a paralyzing power.

"Control the beast." The dark pale Leech demands as he points towards Embry for the girl to stop him.

"I can't! I can only control one at a time." The girl leech cries. As soon as she said that Embry went at the Dark leech's throat. The leech did a side sweep causing Embry to slam into a wall.

"Get Him." He yelled out and two more leeches came in both the same size as Emmett and there twins. I hope Embry could get in touch with someone while phased. I slowly could start to move my head. The girl leech is looking at me trying to keep her control but I can tell through her eyes that she is slowly losing control.

I hear stirring behind me and I realize I forgot all about Ray and Kyla. Ray is out cold and Kyla has her phone. I pray she is smart enough to send some text messages to the entire La Push pack.

Embry is giving the two big leeches a run for their money but they soon will catch up with him since he isn't that big or powerful. "Help will be on the way Leah." Kyla says to me as she slowly starts sobbing.

The dark leech comes up behind me quickly grabbing hold of my neck. Tightening his grip he jams his thumb underneath my jaw forcing my head back. I feel my stomach churn as he lowers me down enough for him to lick my neck. "Why is it that the pretty girls are always the ones doing something bad?" He asks with a chuckle and I begin to feel the paralyzing sensation leaving my hands.

"Robin here hasn't perfected her gift; well she's only been 'alive' a week. But she's really good don't you think?" He asks condescendingly.

I'm overcome with a sickening feeling of dread that this might be our last night alive as I hear Embry bones break. The sound is reminiscent of the newborn battle when Jacob jumped in between me and one of the vamps.

Kyla runs over towards Embry but as soon as she gets close Emmett #1 and #2 take a swipe at her from different sides. Kyla moves quickly out of the way leaving Emmett one and two are colliding into each other.

"I call on thee to protect me when needed. Punish the evil and protect the innocent. I beg you give me the strength that is needed." Kyla chants to herself before I see a shimmer of light that starts from the top of her head and glows throughout her body.

"You will need more than God to protect you from me little girl." Emmett one says charging at her hissing. She side swipes him at the speed of a vampire and my eyes bulge out of my head. Emmett two has her in a corner and Kyla simply jumps up with no effort causing him to run into the wall crushing the concrete in his wake.

"I wasn't praying to God though I can use his help as well." She says with a small smile dancing across her lips.

Emmett one comes up behind her, "Dissaperea." She screams and then vanishes. She reappears kicking him in his back causing him to fly into the building like his twin. Emmett two appears again they taunt each other by chasing each other.

He catches up with her and he grabs her by her pony tail slinging her to the ground punching her with his fists from left to right in the face. "Can't speak now can you Witch." Emmett two says.

"Can-te fierce." She slowly croaks out.

"What did you say witch." He yells and then suddenly smoke begins to billow from his body and before he suddenly catches on fire. The girl leech who has held me under her control drops her guard as she runs over to aid the burning vampire. Emmett one also runs over to aid his brother but it's too late as he runs around screaming. I narrow my eyes knowing that the vampire will not be destroyed unless it's already torn into pieces.

A faint sigh comes out of my mouth and I realize I can speak, "Kyla he has to be in pieces." I say hoarsely.

"Scatter." Kyla calls out as she sticks her hand out into the air. Emmett two falls to the ground in to pieces.

"Your entire existence will be destroyed tonight Leah." The dark leech says while pushing me into the wall of the diner. I crash into the wall, which hasn't happened in years – it hurts very badly. I get up walking slowly dragging my left leg that has a piece of concrete sticking out of the wound. Ray finally comes to and seeing what is going on around him gets up and he goes for the dark leech. The dark leech grabs Ray.

"Phase Leah." Ray orders right before the dark leech bites him. My body starts to shake as I jump in the air as a human and land as a wolf. It's been so long since I last phased that it feels like I'm doing it for the first time all over again. I growl and charge at the leech as Jacob and Sam both reassure me that they are only minutes away.

I hear Kayla's scream of agony.

"Max, we bit her as you said." Emmett one screams.

_Max… _Jacob mutters in his head.

_DO you know him? _I ask as I'm charging at the leech known as Max who quickly jumps over me when he see that I am coming.

_Yes, the leech you saved me from was his girlfriend but he was human then._ Then it all made sense and I feel bad for him because he is on a vengeance killing kick.

_He is going to kill us all._ Is my last thought before I black out.

Jacob's POV

He is going to kill us all was the last thing we heard from Leah before she blacked out.

We are minutes away from where Embry showed us their location. The pack and I watched from the trees as the black haired leech had Leah in a sleeper hold. Ray and Kyla have both been bitten as they are screaming in pain squirming on the ground. Embry is unconscious like Leah but we can tell that he is in pain. We listen quietly as the three leeches are talking about taking Leah.

_Jacob we should act now it. won't be long before Ray and Kyla turns._ Sam says.

_Quil call Carlisle we will need him. _I direct to Quil

_Sam, Paul, and Seth come on. _I command.

We all but fly out the bushes. Max has Leah cradled in his arms and the other two have Ray and Kyla. I run up to him growling deeply as he drops Leah's limp body on the ground. The other two Leeches drop Kyla and Ray as well and get into low crouching positions as we charge at them. Quil phased back and told us that Carlisle is on his way.

Max charges at me causing me to flip backwards on my back he jumps on me trying to bite my neck. I used my hind legs to kick him off into a tree. Sam and Seth were working on the big leech and Paul and Quil were working on the Red Head leech.

Max and I circle each other. I try to concentrate on the fact that he hurt _my Leah_ but the human side of me sympathizes with the fact that he has turned into a monster because of love.

"You must be Jacob? The other wolf responsible for my lost." He questions.

I nod and he charges He runs towards me as a blur I side swipe as soon as he passes by I bite down on his neck shaking him viciously from side to side. I eventually tear his head from his body and I began to separate all of him. Sam and Seth took the big leech down and now both he and Max one are burning.

_How long does it take to put down a girl? _I ask Paul and Quil.

_She keeps freezing us then freeing us. _Paul thinks back.

_I guess all red heads are hard to catch. _I think before running over to help them. I sneak around behind her pouncing on the unsuspected woman. She cries out and desperately tries to break free of my hold.

"Please let me live. I didn't ask for this." She pleads. I know how she feels about not having the option to make your own decisions. I phase back to human form and the pack is standing around her.

"How did Max find out about us?" I asked fiercely.

"Word of mouth someone told him about the Cullens alliance with wolves. He begged to be changed after the death of his girlfriend and he has been searching for people to take you down. He came here three months ago that's when he found. He just so happened to stumble across Leah and he had started stalking her. He decided that last night would be the night."

"For what?" I asked.

"To end her life." She says remorsefully. "Will you let me go? I promise you won't see me again." She asks.

I get up calmly and phase back biting her head off in the process. That is for her own good she wouldn't want to be like them.

I phase back and throw my sweat pants on that are tied to my leg. I walk over to Leah and she is naked and incoherent. There are gashes and bruises all over her body. My Leah is human now and she can get hurt much easier than she used too. Sam and Quil walk over to a naked and phased Embry who is also unconscious and bleeding. Ray and Kyla are screaming and thrashing around in pain. There's nothing we can do for them at the moment; it's too late.

I smell Carlisle and Esme coming near.

"Jacob what happened?" He asks in shock.

"I'll explain on the way home. Embry and Leah are unconscious the other two are going to be like you pretty soon." I say while lifting Leah up to take her to Carlisle and Esme's car.

Esme has a blanket wrapped around Leah in the back seat of her Range Rover along with Embry. Kyla and Ray are in Carlisle's Mercedes. We are headed back to their house in Forks. They were supposed to meet up with Leah in the morning so they were only an hour out when they got the call from Quil. The pack followed us back to Forks in wolf form. Carlisle said that Leah and Embry should be fine after he resets some bones.

**~Next day~**

I have been awake since last night and Leah has not woken up yet. Embry is fine his bones have been reset but he refuses to leave Kyla's side. I know how he feels. She hasn't said anything since we brought her here like she is awaiting her transformation. Ray on the other hand keeps screaming Leah's name. Seth has sat with him mostly while waiting on his sister to wake up.

I grab her hand and kiss her on the cheek, "I'm going to take a nap but I'll be back." I whisper in her ear. She sighs deeply and flicker her eyes. I can feel the smile dance across my lips.

"Ray?" She calls out.

"No." I say lightly.

"Jacob." She says again.

"Yes." I say and she smiles.

"What happened?" She asks.

"You were attacked by a leech." I tell her slowly. She pushes her hair out of her face and yawns.

"Shit." She hisses.

I pour her some water because her voice is raspy and help her sit up holding he cup for her as she drinks.

"Thank you. Can I see Ray? Where is he?" She asks more clearly and nervously."I'll get Carlisle first." I say quickly running out the room.

Carlisle is there in a flash and explaining her injuries to her. Though she isn't a wolf she still heals faster than human.

"So, I'm fine."

"Yes."

"I want to see Ray now." She says again. Carlisle gives me an unsure look and I give him the same look back.

"What are you not telling me?" She demands.

"Nothing its-" I say before being cut off by Leah.

"Don't you lie to me, Jacob Black." She screams.

"Ray was hurt." I say quietly looking at the ground.

"I want to see him." She screams again. "Take me to him." She demands.

She hops off of the bed and she runs out the door. She is still fast as I follow behind her. She's sniffing around the house trying to see if she can find Ray.

"He smells different. What's wrong with him?" She screams. I open the door where Embry, Kyla, and Ray are. Embry is sitting next to Kyla reclined in a lazy boy clutching her hand. Ray is over in the corner faintly asking for Leah.

Leah runs over to his bed dropping to her knees and immediately begins to cry. "I'm sorry." She apologizes over and over as tears are streaming down her face and kisses both his hands and cheeks.

"Leah." Ray calls hoarsely.

"Yes baby." She answers.

"Kill me." Ray asks.

"I know I promised but I can't." She says shaking her head.

"Kill me." He demands holding her hand.

"I can't." She cries. She gets up from her knees and walks over to Kyla who has tears running down her face along with an erratic heartbeat be but she is quiet.

"How long do they have?" She asks looking at me.

"A day or two." I answer her back truthfully. Leah clenches her chest as her breathing becomes strained and forced.

"I can't do this; I want do this." Then she takes off running like she always does.

I've watched Leah run away from so many things that it isn't a surprise when she does it anymore. I walk slowly down the stairs where the rest of the Cullens and the pack are.

"She doesn't want him to die." I say loudly. Making it clear in case anyone missed what is going on.

"But it's what he wants." Seth states Seth says sympathetically "Do you think your sister will let us get away with it?" I ask him in a condescending way. He doesn't answer he just looks off into the air.

Rosalie drifts out of the room and out of the door calling us stupid mutts under her breath.

**Leah's POV.**

Yesterday I was celebrating milestone in life with the man I love and with my new best friend. Today I wake up and I realize that both of them are about to become a part of something neither of them had a choice to be. I sit on a nearby log and cry letting it all out. Then I hear something behind me startling me to crouch down in a defensive stance letting out a fierce growl.

"Ugh -relax its me you bitchy little mutt." Rosalie says standing with her hands on her hips and her noses turned up in the air.

"I thought I told you not to talk to me anymore." I growl out.

"Relax; I thought you needed someone to talk to." She said politely for the first time since I've known her.

"Why are you here now?" I ask her wanting an honest answer then it dawns on me what she wants.

"YOU CANNOT HAVE IT." I yell holding my stomach looking up at her with a menacing look. I worked too hard to create this family for _something_ to take it away.

"Even I wouldn't stoop so low to want a half puppy for a child." She screams.

"Are you sure about that?" I ask her looking her in the eye she looks away because she is lying to herself.

"Why do you say such things to me? It's not like I don't know what I am missing." She asks me disappointed.

"Because-." Is all I can say before everything goes black.

It seems like days have passed and I've awakened from a horrible nightmare. I can't help but wonder how bad things are if I am at the Cullens. I smell their stench everywhere. The light form the bright sun wakes me up. I turn over on my stomach and see that someone has left me some clothes; it's a simple black sundress. Getting out of bed I head towards the bathroom.

After cleaning myself up I walk down the hallway into the living room and everyone is here including Sam's pack.

"Hey, how long have I been out? And where's Ray and Kyla?" I ask.

Esme is by my side in an instant and lightly touches my hand. I notice everyone in the room turn to look at me as though I have said something awful. Then I realize it's not all been just some horrible nightmare; everything I experienced and felt is real and it's happening now.

Esme guides me upstairs holding my hand. She's leading towards the room where Bella gave birth to Nessie. My heartbeat quickens and fear begins to overcome my entire body as my breathing becomes shallower.

"I can't." I say in a whisper.

"Yes, you can dear." Esme says as she opens the door.

Embry is sitting by Kyla's bed in the same position he was in when I saw him last.

"Are you okay Embry?" I ask. He looks up at me and his eyes look tormented.

"Yeah I will be fine." He says and he is lying I use to have that same look after Sam left me and I was never fine.

Ray is he lying down quiet his eyes are closed but he is twitching. He is in horrendous pain and all I can seem to think about is the fact that he is going to leave. Wat kind of person does that make me? I walk over and grab his hand.

"Ray." I whisper in his ear. His eyes open and turns his head to look at me.

"Leah, please." He says his eyes are pleading for me to give in but I can't let go. He is asking for me to give them the okay, thumbs up, to take him away. I've fought too hard to keep what we have. I don't want to raise the baby alone.

"I can't do it. I won't let you go." I say quietly gripping his hand. I get up and walk slowly out of the room chanting don't run and don't phase I have to stay and fight this.

Edward is standing at the end of the hallway. I look at him because he can read my thoughts and I want to be left alone in my own head. He has a pained expression on his face like he isn't sure if he should intervene.

"Leave me alone." I scream. He is by my side in an instant. Edward's cold arm wraps around my back as he pulls me gently against his body.

"If you faze you will kill the baby Carlisle say that the baby can't handle too much more of that and the stress?" He whispers softly before letting me go.

_Who told you? _I ask in my head so I went and asked him."I picked it up out of Carlisle and Rosalie's head." He says.

"Do you think he will have as much will power as you?" I ask wondering if Ray could suppress the urge to kill his child if it doesn't have the shape shifter gene.

"It all depends on him." Edward says while walking passes me.

I feel my stomach and it is getting hard. I start thinking about my future and the future of our child. I walk back to the room where the future vamps are being held. I know he wouldn't attack me I don't smell appetizing but what about our baby. I couldn't live with myself if he could potentially hurt our child because of who he is.

"Ray." I whisper in to his ear while kneeling by his bedside. He opens his eyes.

"I love you," I say quietly. "So I will let you go."

I call out for Carlisle and he is by my side in an instant.

"Leah." He says.

"I want you to do it." I say not meeting his eyes.

"Leah, are you sure?" He asks me nearly pleading.

"No." I say hesitantly.

"It's too late for me to administer any drugs the venom will fight against it." He explains.

"I know." I say with a defeated tone.

"Do you want to stay?" He asks.

"I can't." I say leaving him to kill the man I love.

I kiss Ray on his forehead and listen to his heartbeat one last time. Edward and Emmett are moving Kyla to another room. She still haven't said a word just that single tear. She has not whimpered but has continued to remain still and quiet. When I walk down stairs my mother is quietly waiting for me on the couch holding Seth's hand. I don't say anything – there's nothing to say. I sit next to her and Seth (is she actually sitting in between them?) she holds my hands and I remain quiet. Minutes later my chest starts to sting and I begin to breathe heavily, my heart is beating erratically. I cry out in a strangled scream.

"Ray." I say desperately.

Jacob enters the room and he doesn't look at me directly but just sits on the couch. Carlisle comes into the living room and he is calm and quiet but looks pained. When I see his face I cry hard – harder than I ever have or will.

**Thanks KKJ Best Beta**

**Thank you to everyone who read and review. **


	15. Shock and Denial

**Chapter 15**

**Shock and Denial **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! **

**A/N: Hope you enjoy a lot of Jacob and Leah in the chapters to come! **

**Jacob's POV.**

It has been over two weeks since the 'incident'. Leah was disconnected from the funeral; her body was there but her soul died with Ray. The paper read that there was a car wreck on New Year's Day; a drunk driver crashed into Leah's car the only survivors were Leah and Embry. The drunk driver was smashed beyond recognition only his dental record proved who he was. He really was a John Doe that died a day after New Year's whom Carlisle had pulled out of the morgue. Though his I.D. read Joseph Parker, he had no family and no friends. Alice and Jasper worked on the crime scene along with Nessie. Ray's dad was silent during the whole funeral but his mother was crying horribly. Kyla's family had taken her ashes back home with them. They wanted their daughter to be at peace at home. They don't know it but their daughter will never be truly at peace because she's undead. She'll have to watch from a distance as her whole family dies; watching them fade as she will watch new generations created without her.

Kyla and Embry went to the Denali's for a while. Embry has been there for her every step of the way. When she woke up she kissed him passionately and long. She went to see Leah but Leah refused to see her' I think it hurt Kyla's feelings.

Leah won't leave the Cullens house nor will she leave the room where Ray died. Sue and Seth tried on numerous attempts to remove her but she reacts with fits of rage. Esme and Rosalie are enjoying the fact that she is as feeble as a child. They have someone to baby since Nessie has grown up. I honestly feel like they're hiding something from me.

Leah won't look at me as she seemingly looks past me and that break my heart. She doesn't want me for a friend or as a leader. At this moment where she's in this time of need I don't seem to exist to her at all.

"Jacob." Lauren my girlfriend calls me out of my thoughts. I took Leah's advice after she left and went back to Ray. Lauren stopped by the garage one day and I notice that she was cute. Her smile is genuine and her dimples drive me wild and so I asked her out. We have kind of been inseparable; she understands the unknown without knowing. She doesn't ask why my friends and I are so hot or why we never have clothes on or why we eat so much. She knows like the whole rez knows we are the 'protectors' so there aren't any questions because we have a silent understanding.

"Yes." I answer. She pokes out her lips then moves them from left to right before she says what she needs say along with moving her eyebrows. She wants to ask what I was thinking about but she won't ask.

"Do you want to visit with Leah today?" She asks nicely hiding her distress. She doesn't understand the situation with Leah. I want fully tell her what the problem is I just tell her that she's having a hard time coping.

"We could stop by." I say quietly and I notice her roll her eyes at me.

"Well I can make you something before we leave or will you have what Esme is cooking?" Lauren asks.

"You know Esme feelings are hurt when we don't eat there." I say rubbing her arm trying to reassure her.

"But you always eat." She says smiling at me.

We leave heading towards the Cullens. Lauren hates going there because unlike Bella Swan most humans sense danger in them. Lauren is very prideful she always has her head up and she meets you with her eyes. But when we get around the Cullens she reminds me somewhat of a coward. She doesn't look them in their eyes and she walks with her head down. She also develops a nervous twitch looking down at her hands and fumbling with them. I grab her hand I squeeze it reassuringly as she smiles back up at me; Lauren is safe with me and she knows it. Once inside I go through my routine of speaking and eating before I go upstairs to see Leah leaving Lauren with Seth and Quil.

I still can't believe that Leah lets Rosalie touch her I flinch for Leah whenever Rosalie comes into contact with her while in my presents. How that relationship came to be will go on my list of things I will never understand. Well if it wasn't for her Rosalie, Leah wouldn't bother eating. She just sits and gazes out of the window in the empty room.

"Leah you need to get up. Jacob is here to see you." Rosalie whispers.

"What if he comes to me again and I'm not here?" I hear Leah say she sounds tired.

"Leah you were sleeping when you saw him." Rosalie says sternly.

"I know, I know Rose. I don't want to see Jacob; I can't look at him." Leah says lowly.

"You will have to tell him eventually." Rosalie says.

I know she knows I'm outside of the door and it upsets me that I try to be here for her but she doesn't want me around. I knock lightly peeping in as Rosalie blurs past me and ends up behind lightly pushing me through the door.

"Hi Leah." I say quietly. She doesn't say anything she continues to look out the window. She looks tired and hurt but there is a little piece of hope in her eyes. She doesn't look defeated just tired from trying. She has dark circles under her eyes and she is pale.

"Leah I just came by to say hi." I say defeated.

She turns around and actually looks at me and says, "And now you can leave." she says quietly.

"Bye Leah." I say sadly and walk out the door. I'm not hurt and I'm not shocked I'm use to this now this has become I our routine she looked at me today at least so maybe she is getting better.

**Leah's POV**

I watch as Jacob walks out of the room and out of my life but not forever he will come back like he always does. I feel disconnected from him; I don't want him around or anyone else for that matter. All I want is Ray, _my _Ray back. It aches to say his name; I miss him so much. I never thought it would feel like this if we were ever away from each other. I feel like I'm dying with each heartbeat from the baby. Rose doesn't believe me but Ray does come and see me. He lays next to me and strokes my hair comforting me. I miss the way things were when Kyla and Embry would come over for breakfast on Saturdays. Now she can't even eat. I lost my friend and my love all in the same day, how can I go on?

I sense Edward approaching; I don't know why he keeps attempting to be my friend. Doesn't he understands that I don't want anything but to lie here with Ray and the baby and think about what we had? What we _could've_ had?

"Leah you can't dwell in the past." Edward says appearing in the door way.

"I asked you to stop invading my head." I say quietly while hugging my pillow tighter.

"It's not healthy." He says walking to sit beside me on the bed.

"You've done a lot of things that's unhealthy like preying on innocence, sleep stalking. Oh yeah I can't forget trying to get Italian psycho vamps to kill you, Bella and the rest of us." I say with a bitchy tone.

"I'm not here to talk about me." He says a bit frustrated.

"That's fine but we're not going to talk about me because you haven't lost anything; you've gained so much a wife, a child, eternal bliss and what do I have? A ghost to that's keeps me company, the haunting beats of my baby's heart that slowly reminds me of my only friend and the father that my child will never have." I scream before bursting into tears.

"Edward, go away you're so annoying when you're trying to help." Rose says from the door.

"You're aiding in her delusions." He says before running out in a blur.

Rose looks at me and takes my hand in hers. I wish her cold touch could numb my pain.

"He is right Leah. You need to leave, go home. You need your family." Rose says. I can't help but look at her like she has lost her mind. I can't leave the only place I see Ray – I refuse to. So I change the subject.

"If I told you, you could have my baby what would you say?" I ask her and immediately her eyes light up in happiness and then just as quickly the glow disappears.

"I would tell you to go fuck yourself." She says before walking out talking to herself.

"Where are you going?" I call out to her.

She screams," I'm calling your mother. You shouldn't be around us. We can't help you and hanging out with the undead will only make you crazy. It's not good for you." I think she would be crying now if she could.

Rose goes through with her promise as soon both my mother and Seth arrive seemingly twenty minutes later. They must have been on their way here when she called.

My mother walks in the room and taking one look at me her expression changes to horror; this is the first time in two weeks I have allowed her around me.

"Leah." She says quietly as I look at her.

"Yes." I answer tightly.

"It's time you come home." She says to me walking over to the bed crouching down low.

"I don't want to." I say defiantly.

"When you are an adult you do things that you don't want to do." She says sternly.

"Go to hell." I curse at my mother with my lips tighten and a deadly glare.

"You first." She dares me and glares back. I see where I get it from.

"Leave me alone. I'm going to lay here and _you_ are going back home with Charlie where you belong." I scream. For the first time I feel jealous of my mother and what she has.

"Leah Sarah Clearwater, get the hell out of this bed or I will drag your ass out the door by your fucking hair if I have to. But you are leaving this goddamn house." She yells.

"You are going to have to make me." I threaten and my mother does just that before I know it she is pulling me out of the bed onto the floor. I've been weak I should have started eating last week and I would have been able to properly release my mother's grip on me. "Let go of me!" I scream swatting at her hands.

"No, get up." She demands as she dragging me out of the room.

My mother is quick and strong we have reached the end of the hall when I see Seth by the stairs.

"Seth, tell her to let me go." I scream.

"Sorry Sis this is for you own good." He says looking slightly older.

"Okay, I'll fucking walk just let me up." I scream I didn't want her to hurt the baby by accident. My mother releases her hold on me as I get up checking myself out to see the damage and before she knows it I bolt down the stairs past Seth. As I'm heading for the door Jacob stands blocking my escape. "Get out of my way, oh mighty alpha." I scream.

"Or _what_ Leah?" He says with a serious face.

"Try me and see." I spit back at him. "I want to stay here; I'm safe here."

"No, Leah you belong home." Seth says.

"No, I belong in Seattle with Ray and with Kyla sitting in the backyard looking at my garden. I am supposed to be happy and I can't be happy where he isn't." I scream mixed with tears falling to the ground. Jacob quickly catches me and I cry. I feel comfortable in his arms; I feel safe.

"Leah, do you think I sat up in the house after your father died?" Mom asks me.

"NO! You shacked up with his best friend." I retort back and she replies with slapping me in the face which hurt like hell. I immediately grab my face feeling the swell coming on.

"Don't you ever say that again. I didn't shack up in the beginning." She fumes at me. "I got out of bed and tried to cope with the fact that my husband of twenty years was gone and that my children were wolves. I did it with a smile on my face. Yes, I cried and I still do but I didn't die with your father and I'm not going to let you die with Ray. They would want us happy because when you truly love someone their happiness matters to you. That's what Ray wanted. He didn't want you to constantly worry that he might kill someone every time the two of you went out. He knows you deserved more out of life, Leah. It's okay to live." My mother says while hugging me.

I don't tell her that she is right. All I can do at the moment is mumble out a soft 'thank you' and walk out the door climbing into Mom's Ford Explorer. I feel the warm tears stream down my face because I know I want see him again. My mother takes me home; back to the house that I learned to walk and talk in. As we pull up to the house I can't help but feel nostalgic looking up at my bedroom window where Sam used to sneak through. Walking around the back of the house and looking at the same the backyard where I caught Emily and Sam fucking. In the kitchen there is the height chart where my father measured us every six-month until the month before he died. Even my own bedroom holds the memory of where Jacob and I slept. I've spent the last few years of my life running away from this place and I know deep down inside that everyone is right; this is the place I need to be for awhile.

**A/N: Thanks KKJ Best Beata**

**Also KKJ and I were talking about a campaign for 2010 Keep Hope Alive for Blackwater! Were simply wishing at the mall when we pass by fountains and those airplanes in the night sky (If you've heard B.o.B and Hailey Williams new song you know what I'm talking about) So make a wish when you think of Blackwater.**

**I have a new story Leah Clearwater Vs. The world Check it out if you haven't!**

**Thanks Please review!  
**


	16. Pain and Guilt

**Chapter 16**

**Pain and Guilt**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it she does S/M!**

It has been a month since Ray's passing and the grief has not getting any better. I've heard that for some people it only lasts a month but with me it seems almost never ending. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant? I don't know but my pain has not eased up. Since I coming back home I haven't seen Ray just like I expected; he is gone but the pain and the guilt still lives on in me. Every night I have the same dream of me biting Ray instead of Max. My eyes are glowing red and I have blood flowing down my chin. I often wake up screaming and afterwards have a hard time falling back asleep. The truth is I am afraid of going to sleep because I know it'll always be the same dream over and over again; me killing my fiancé and friend.

I think Rosalie is right; I acted too quickly out in the snowy clearing that day I was saving Jacob. Though my wolf side took over I should have tried harder to control myself and none of these things would have happened. Ray would be alive and I wouldn't hate Kyla. I don't truly understand why I hate her but I can't find it in my soul to call and check up on her. I can't find it in my heart to forgive her for staying behind and accepting this life unlike Ray who I feel betrayed me by running away from the challenge he was given.

Carlisle says that I am three months along and the baby is healthy I just need to take care of myself properly. My mother went back to Charlie's last week after telling her I was fine with being alone. She always stops by after work to check up on me.

With a heavy sigh I get up out of bed and immediately head towards the bathroom. Turning on the water in the shower I head back to my bedroom to grab some sweats and a tank. Walking back into the bathroom I'm greeted with the hot and heavy air that has the entire room looking like sauna. I've not looked at myself since the attack and have instead opted letting the hot water from my showers to fog up the window to prevent myself from catching a glimpse of my image – I still can't even stand to look at myself. Undressing and stepping into the shower I let the scalding hot water run over me. It isn't long before I'm crouched in the tub crying – it's become a part of my morning routine at this point. I can't stop the memories that flood my mind; the harsh realization that my life will never be the same. Am I forever doomed to deal with nothing but heartbreak in my life?

After finishing my hot shower and cry session I get dressed and walk into the kitchen. Opening the fridge I'm greeted with an empty fridge and I groan loudly because now it means I have to go to the grocery store. Grabbing keys from the key rack I head outside to Dad's old truck – Seth is known to use it from time-to-time. Climbing into the massive vehicle I say a quick prayer hoping that I don't run into anyone while I am the store but it's inevitable because the Rez is the size of my belly button.

The parking lot is empty at the food mart which is good sign that I might not see anyone. I stroll through the door with my basket and head for the frozen food aisle. I should have gone to Forks they have more of a variety nothing like Seattle but it will do. I get some ground beef since there isn't any turkey, some sausage for breakfast and some ham slice for Seth's lunch. I walk over to get milk, bread, cheese and some junk food. I think I'm going to blame it on the baby.

As I'm walking down the chip aisle I pick a familiar scent that I'd recognize anywhere. Without a second thought I quickly head back the way I came in hopes of avoiding him and, most of all, avoiding those old feelings again. As soon as I turn around me and my basket both collide with Jacob Black's massive form. He even makes my sense of direction wonky.

"Ouch, hey I didn't know you were here." Jacob says wincing as he rubs his shin.

"Yeah, umm, had to get some food." I explain meekly quickly stepping back to put some distance between us. "And I know that didn't really hurt." I state looking down at the items in my basket refusing to make eye contact with him.

"You smell a little different." He says whispering moving closer to get a better whiff of my scent. My hearts starts to beat faster as me moves closer to me and that old feeling comes back; the feelings I've tired to forget because I don't want to feel them – I want it to go away. I move back as he continues to come closer.

"It must be the shampoo my mom bought for me." I say pushing my basket between us.

"No, it's different." Jacob says shaking his head. "But how are you? It's good you're out and about." He says excitedly and I can hear his heart beating faster because mine and the baby's are beating along with it.

"I'm okay, I just got hungry-" I say before being cut off by someone calling Jacob

"Jake there you are I have been calling your name. Oh, hey Leah." Lauren Sanders says giving me a fake smile.

I growl at her unintentionally. "Err, hi." I say wanting her desperately to just go away. I don't know why but I fight the urge to growl at her again.

"Leah you know Lauren Sanders, she is my girlfriend." Jacob introduces us.

"Yeah thanks for coming to visit me at the Cullens but I didn't know you two were dating." I say holding back the vomit that's creeping up my throat.

"Yeah for some months now." She says smiling brightly proud at the fact that she has snatched my alpha away from me.

"Well I better go." I say walking off rudely because I don't want to be around the two them anymore.

I'm not very far before I hear her ask, "Is she always that weird, Jake? She growled at me."

"No, she's not _that_ weird. But you know she's going through a rough time. Besides you like it when I growl at you." He says before I hear kissing.

I want to go back and snatch her away from him. I always liked it when he growled at me. I gotta stop doing this I'm hurting myself and I'm not honoring Ray by thinking about Jacob.

I go home and push all thoughts of Jacob out of mind; this is easily achieved because I'm both hungry and sleepy. Not long after eating a huge breakfast I fall asleep on the couch in the living room. I'm not sure how long I've been out but I'm awakened by the smell and sound of sizzling ham. Immediately I know it's Emily; every since I've come back to La Push she has used my pain as a way to make up for her and Sam's wrong doing. So every other day she comes over and cooks for me, cleans my room or sits and tries to have a conversation with me.

I walk into the kitchen and take a seat next to little Sam.

"Hi Lee-Lee." He says smiling at me while he is coloring. I don't know how many times I have asked him not to call me that.

"Hi Sam." I say smiling back at him. Little Sam and Claire are the only people I don't have to fake a smile for.

"Leah, I made lunch for you. Well I hope you don't mind but I told Sam to stop by as well for his lunch break." She says smiling weakly hoping I say it's okay.

"How can I mind when you already said 'yes'?" I asked and watch her squirm from discomfort.

"Daddy wants to see you Lee-Lee." Little Sam says. It isn't long before Sam arrives.

"Hi Lee le-." He says before cutting himself off.

"Sam." I greet quietly while stirring my mash potatoes mixing it with corn. He walks over and kisses Emily on her scar like he always does. He takes a seat on the opposite side of me facing little Sam with Emily. It's like scene of the HBO series Big Love. I wish that Edward was here to tell me what Sam was thinking. Sam is smiling too brightly for it to be because he is hungry. It must be because he is happy to see us being kind to each other.

"Leah, how are you?" He asks me_. _

I think to myself _I could be better. _"Okay." I say quietly.

"How is the new shopping center in Forks coming along?" Emily asked excitedly. Sam has a job with a local contractor who builds small houses and small businesses.

"Everything is going well." He says.

Little Sam is having trouble with keeping his food in his mouth and so I decide to help him along.

"So Leah I saw Jacob on my way over. He said he saw you at the store today." Sam says while stuffing his face with ham – _that I _bought _for Seth._

"Yeah I saw him with Lauren." I say quietly helping little Sam with his food.

"Well he mentioned you smelled differently." He says while looking me in his eyes.

"Sam, are you asking me a question or are you making small talk?" I ask dropping the spoon that I was feeding little Sam with while a scowl creeped across my face.

"Leah." Sam says annoyed.

"Sam." I say back mockingly.

"Leah, he only said you smell differently. I'm just trying to figure out why." He said honestly.

"Sam did it ever occur to you that maybe I smell different because I don't _phase_ anymore? Maybe because I'm becoming more _human_ everyday?" I say growling with my hands laying face down over the dinner table.

"Leah, calm down. Jacob brought it to my attention and so I was just wondering." He says getting angry himself. "He thought maybe you would talk to me." He finally says telling the truth.

"Okay, really? Well I am talking to you and since you've gotten here I've wanted you to leave. So how about this? I want all of you to leave. I had fun, lunch was great but I want you to get the hell out. I want you to fucking go now!" I demand while slamming my hands down on the table.

"Leah, please don't speak that away around Little Sam." Emily pleads.

"Emily, go fuck yourself. I am so sick of you coming here trying to make everything better when its not. I don't want it _nor_ do I need it! Just stop trying!" I yell at her as I feel my stomach cramp with pain.

"I'm tired of you too. Why can't you ever be happy? You're always so miserable." She says yelling back at me rising from the other end of the table.

"It all started when you fucked my boyfriend, you know?" I say to her piss off and it works she looks angry.

"Leah, did you ever think that maybe you drove him to me?" Emily says menacingly biting her bottom lip.

"What the fuck did you say?" I ask running towards her as Sam jumps over the table now standing between us.

"Emily you should leave." He says to her while I am shaking trying hard to ignore the pain coming from my stomach.

"No, first she comes home and tells us she forgive us. And then, once again, something goes wrong and she takes it out on us. I AM TIRED OF IT, LEAH. I AM SICK OF YOU TREATING ME THIS WAY. I CANT KEEP APLOGIZING AND I WONT ANY MORE I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT." Emily shouts making little Sam cry.

I reach over to pick him up and he sits in my arms sobbing. Now I've made a kid afraid of his mother; what kind of person does that make me?

"Emily, its okay. Why don't you go home for a bit." Sam states rather than asks.

"Sam what are you saying?" Emily asks looking confused.

"I am telling you to calm down and go home Emily." He says.

"Are you choosing Leah, Sam?" Emily asks with a disappointed look on her face.

"Emily please." He pleads to her nearly begging.

"He made his choice a while ago." I say confidently just to push her over the edge; I hate losing an argument.

"Fine! You stay here with her and don't even bother coming home." Emily says while rushing out of the door. Sam watches Emily walk out and the look on his face as is sheer pain like he's being stabbed in the heart.

"Go Sam." I say walking out the kitchen with little Sam in my arms.

"Leah, I don't want it to be like this." He says while walking over taking little Sam out of my arms.

"Like what, Sam? I only said what I said to hurt her but I know you chose her a long time ago." I say angrily feeling my stomach cramp a little; the baby doesn't like it when I'm upset.

"Leah, I've told you I'm sorry but its fate. I'm not Jacob." He says apologetically turning away from me with little Sam in his arms.

"I know that. You could never be Jacob, Sam." I yell uncontrollably feeling another cramping pain.

"I never asked to be anyone else." He says turning around to look at me. "Leah you're bleeding!" Sam exclaims as a look of horror crosses his face.

"What?" I look down and I see blood - then nothing.

**Thank you KKJ **

**Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews!**


	17. Anger

**Chapter 17**

**Anger**

It's true I haven't always been this person. I haven't always done these things and I haven't always been so unhappy with myself and my life. It has taken years to develop into this horrible person I've allowed myself to become.

I wake up slowly I can hear slight echo of a heartbeat. I can't tell if its mines or the baby's. I open my eyes and I am the only one in the room. I'm still at the Cullen's and I've been waking up off and on wishing they would let me go back home because I'm starting to see Ray again and I know it's not healthy. A month and half ago after a heated argument with Emily I started bleeding and passed out. Carlisle said it was normal but it could be caused from being stressed out. Though Emily yelled she said she wouldn't apologize to me again. She ended up doing so and has refused to leave my side though I told her to countless times. I realize that I hate that I love her. She is my cousin whose hurt me more than anyone on this earth but I decided I'm done fighting with her because it doesn't work. So I will just simply ignore her when she gets to be too much.

I hear the door open and speak of the devil its Emily.

"Go away, unless you plan on breaking me out." I say hoarsely trying not to look over at Emily.

"I realized something about you Leah." She says to me sounding confident in what she is about to say.

"What could that be?" I ask really wanting to know what she realized.

"I think your anger and bitchiness is how you show people you love them." She says quite sure of herself.

"That's exactly what it is." I say laughing quietly. "Could you hand me some water?" I ask wincing in pain to some vain attempt to get comfortable – my back and ass have become stiff lying in the bed.

"Sure." She says while passing me my cup. "Guess what?" She asks excitedly while I frown because I hate these pointless games with her.

"What?" I ask somewhat annoyed but wanting to know what's new.

"Embry and Kyla called today." She says with a big smile on her face. I can see the hope spread through her eyes she's hoping I will be happy for her but I'm not. I'm Numb.

"Really." I say dryly not really sure what she expects me to say.

"Yeah they wanted to talk to you but you were sleeping. She's doing well Leah." Emily manages to say.

"That's good for them."

"You should call her, she misses you." Emily says closing her eyes already regretting my next statement. I don't say anything immediately; I think about the words so they won't come out mean.

Then I decide not to say anything at all except, "Em, I'm sleepy again can you close the blinds?" I ask. She is surprised I have nothing mean to say so she gets up and close them.

"Do you want to watch TV?" She asks me.

"No, not today. I'll see you later, okay." I say nicely while trying hard not to be rude.

"Okay Leah." And then she vanishes out the door.

"She's gone you can come out now." I call out to Ray who has been waiting patiently in his corner.

As usual he doesn't say anything but rather he appears lying by my side and he strokes my hair the way that he always has.

"You know one day I'll have the balls to face her." He nods at my comment and he smiles while stroking my hair while I fall asleep.

I'm awakened by loud snore coming from the sofa in my room and I quickly smell that it is Jacob. I roll over off my side to my back and I throw the TV remote at him. The remote breaks falling in to pieces onto the floor.

"What the fuck?" He says rubbing the top of his head.

"You were snoring loudly." I say while smiling at the fact that he is in pain.

"Really?" He says condescendingly.

"I thought you weren't talking to me anymore. I believe that's what you said the last time you saw me. Don't be embarrassed. Emily said the same thing and look at her she practically lines up for my insult of the day." I state.

"Why do you make it difficult to love you?" He asks me very simply which catches me off guard. My initial response is to answer his question with another insult but then I get this little light that goes off in my head. Why do I make it hard to love me?

"Black, that's beside the point. Why are you here?" I ask looking at him trying to fight the urge to tell him to come closer so I can smell his after shave.

_**Jacob's POV**_

_***flashback a month ago***_

I'm at the garage fixing one of the three police cruisers Forks police station has. Paul was in pursuit of a 'supposed' purse snatcher and followed the guy out to Port Angeles causing a big scene ending with him crashing the car in a fountain in the center of Port Angeles.

I got the call from Charlie I can't understand what is going on he is yelling and pissed off. He say's hiring Paul was a favor to my dad he knew he had a problem with his temper but he didn't know he is a moron. I tell Charlie I will fix the cruiser free of charge and Paul will pay for the fountain.

It is 1:13pm when I receive a frantic phone call from Sam. He screaming over and over that Lee-Lee is bleeding and can Carlisle come on the Rez. It takes all but two minutes from me to phase and run to see what is happening.

When I walk into the door Sam has a towel wrapped across Leah's pelvic bone and Emily was pacing back and forth covering little Sam eyes up saying she didn't mean for this to happen.

"Sam what the hell happened?" I demand angrily.

"We all argued, Emily left, Leah started bleeding and then she passed out." Sam says between whimpers.

"Why is she bleeding from there?" I ask while kneeling down to point towards her pelvis.

Leah is sprawled across the floor and she doesn't seem to be bleeding a lot but there's quite a bit on her clothing. She doesn't look like she is in pain but she looks sick; she is pale and sweating with dark circles under her eyes. I scoop her up, place her in my arms and rock her gently.

I smell Carlisle approaching.

"What happened?" He says blurring over putting his medical bag down at his feet, taking Leah out my hands and placing her back on the floor.

He checks her vitals as Sam tells him what happens.

Carlisle looks away from Leah turning his attention towards Sam and I. He says the words that I never imagined. "She pregnant. We have to get her back to the house so that I can perform a cervical cerclage. The baby is dilating which means it's moving into her birth canal and if I don't fix her now she will miscarry and possibly bleed out. The procedure will stop it from happening but I must hurry." He says while picking her up and carrying her out the house.

He didn't give us time to even respond. Sam, Emily and I look at each other in awe.

Sam and I quickly phase and follow behind him. Emily says she would call and tell Sue and the others.

The entire time Sam and I ran we can't help but wonder why she never told me she is pregnant. That's when it suddenly hit us – her pregnancy explains why she smells different.

We arrive at the Cullens' home it is quiet for the first time in a while and empty.

Rosalie and Emmett are the only couples there besides Carlisle and Esme.

Once again Leah is placed in the operating room to get the cervical cerclage placed in her womb to keep the baby from dilating and Leah from having a miscarriage.

I am sitting outside in the hallway trying to figure out what I is going to do and most importantly who is the father of this baby that Carlisle is desperately trying to save.

I thought maybe Rosalie will know because she was attached to Leah. I should have realized this sooner the only reason why the Ice Queen only would stick around is because there must be a baby in the area.

She was downstairs pacing around when I stopped her. I grabbed her by the back of her hair and push her up against the wall.

"You will get your hands off of me mutt." She spits at me while I'm pressing her arm against her back trying to resist the urge to pop her shoulder out of place. I press against her cold body and I whisper into her ear; which make my and her skin crawl.

"How long did you know?" I ask her lowly and viciously.

"I just found out." She says.

"Liar. How long?" I say making her shoulder pop out of socket.

"You know that I can kill you. So get the fuck off of me." She says while she turns around quickly grabbing my throat pushing me making me slide across the floor crushing my head into the wall.

Then I hear screams of someone crying 'stop it'.

"I am so sick of the vampires, werewolves and all of the shit in between. When she gets out of that damn room she is going home and every single one of you will leave us alone." Sue says screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Sue I'm-." I was saying before being cut off.

"Jacob, I don't want to hear it. Stop acting like a child; be a leader for once and take responsibility for what's yours." She says turning quickly on her heels.

"You still owe me an answer." I say looking at Mrs. Ice queen.

"After the attack she smelled different." She says quickly leaving out of the room.

I wait patiently outside of Leah's room waiting for the okay to go inside but Sue kept giving me the death glare that I've often seen on Leah's face.

Carlisle walks out of the operating room and said that Leah is doing fine for now and the cervical cerclage seems to be working for right now.

He tells Sue that it is fine for her to go in to see Leah. Apparently Leah is awake and asking for her mother but I stop her before she goes in.

I grab her hand as she goes to pull the handle on the door and say, "Sue please let me talk to her for one moment." I say to her pleading for her to say yes.

"Two minutes." She says without looking at me. I breathe out slowly.

"Thank you." I say to her. She shuts her eyes once and goes back to sitting back in the same chair she's held since Leah's last operation.

I walk in the room very nervously. I can hear her heartbeat and faintly hear the baby's; now that I can recognize it. I walk over to her bed noticing that she looks better now that her hair is out of her face and her skin color is the russet color it always is and now I see that she has a subtle glow it looked sun kissed.

I lightly stroke her check to wake her. She moans slightly then she wakes up with her eyes planting directly on mine.

"Hmmm. Where is my mom?" She asks in groggily.

"She's waiting on you, Leah. I have only a few minutes." I say to her softly stroking her hair.

"What is it?" She asks me while looking at me softly.

"Is the baby mine or Ray's?" I ask softly.

"Jacob, I think that is enough for today." Sue says walking in the room.

"Mom?" Leah asks.

"Sue she can answer the question it's only a yes or no." I plead to her.

"Jacob that is enough." She says with a warning tone. I growl at her lightly.

"Jacob just stop. I don't want to do this right now." Leah begs pleading with her eyes trying to convince herself she right while trying to hold on to her secret. A secret that will hurt us both.

"Maybe it's better if I go. Don't expect to see me again." I say as if I don't care but I do.

_***End of flashback**_

"Why are you here?" She asks me again demanding my answer.

"I couldn't sleep where I was." I say quietly not wanting to admit the truth.

"Are you and Lauren having problems?" She asks me with a smile on her face looking quite happy if we are.

"No, that's not the problem." I say sighing with a heavy breath.

"Then what's the problem?" She asks.

"Every time I close my eyes I see me and Lauren starting a family. And I want to know if I'm making the right choice Leah?" I say with honesty and guilt.

"Why do you need my opinion?" She asks with the smile dropping from her face.

"Leah is the baby mine?" I ask.

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed last chapter. Last chapter was the most reviews I have ever had and it made me feel Loved. Thank you so much! **

**Thank you KKJ awesome beta! **

I also have a poll up it is what sex should the baby be? Please vote!


	18. Barganing

Chapter 18

Bargaining

Disclaimer: I don't own anything unfortunately S/M does!

"No."

That is what I say to Jacob as I watch him walk out the Cullens' door. But before he walks out that door and completely out my life he turns around. There is hurt and regret in his eyes and a piece of stray hair dancing across his beautiful tanned skin. His checks are burning red from him being mad at me. He stares at me long and hard as his chest heaves.

"Leah, one day you are going to regret every wrong decision you have ever made when it comes to us." He says before slamming the door. And just like that Jacob Black is out of my life.

That was over a month ago and I find myself begging for him to comeback in my sleep and when I am alone. Carlisle finally let me go home with a promise from the entire La Push pack that they would help me. I am now five months pregnant which means I can now find out what sex the baby is today. Seth will be taking me to my appointment with Carlisle.

I lay down for a nap and fall asleep not realizing how much time has passed until I hear my name being yelled in panic.

"What?" I scream when I realize that I am being yelled at.

"Oh sis, you're alive. You didn't answer your phone I was worried." Seth says out of breath and a worried looked upon his face.

"Seth, did you ever think to come and see if I was okay before you started worrying?" I ask calmly.

"No, I didn't. I should have considered that." He says while smiling.

Seth helps me out of bed and takes me on my one of two outings; one being sitting outside on the back porch. Sam made me a porch swing so now I can drink hot tea and stare at the garden like I used to do in Seattle when things were simple. I was with ray and the porch swing was peaceful it made me forget about all the wrong things going on instead I thought of the good things that were happening. I'm already late for the appoint so I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I was a few more minutes late. Waddling out to the car I climb in with Seth's help and sit back quietly watching the town pass by as Seth's drives me to the Cullens' secluded mansion.

When we arrive at the Cullens Seth pulls slowly in the drive way and he comes over to open my door for me.

Carlisle greets us at the door, ushering me into my room and waits patiently as I change into my gown. He places the cold gel onto my belly and he moves it around in circular movements around my swollen belly. Looking at the ultrasound screen I wait until he finds the baby's steady and quick heartbeat. The heartbeat is a rhythmic sound that plays a melody through my body and it rings my soul reminding me of the short lived years of my happiness.

"Leah, do you want to know the sex of the baby?" Carlisle asks snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Uh." I call out briefly stunned by the question he asks me. "Yes, I would like to know."

"It's a boy." He says smiling brightly and my heart breaks. I smile but I am crying because these are tears of sorrow. If this baby is Ray's he will grow up not knowing anything about his life he will always wonder who he was.

"Leah, are those tears of happiness?" Carlisle asks and I nod my head 'yes'. I am very happy but I am also afraid.

"Carlisle, I need you to do something for me." I ask quietly as my voice trembles. I'm afraid of the answer to my question because, honestly, I don't want to know the truth but I know that my son deserves the truth.

"Sure, Leah what would you like me to do?" Carlisle asks.

"I want you to do a paternity test on the baby." I say looking away from him.

"Yes, I can do that. Would you like to know now or after the baby is born?" He asks me.

"I would like to know before he's born." I tell him nervously.

He nods his head at me and he wipes the gel off my stomach.

"Leah I will have to perform an Amniocentesis. I will take a needle and penetrate your amniotic sac that has the babies DNA in it. It may feel a bit uncomfortable since you are now in your 16th week. Are you comfortable with this? Carlisle asks he has a calm look on his face but I can tell he is also excited about doing the procedure. His eyes stay compassionate but he a small smile creepying across his lips. I nod my head slowly and ask, "How soon can you do this?"

"Will your next visit work for you?"

"Sure that will be fine." I hop off the table, get dressed and walk in the living room.

"Sis, ready to go?" Seth asks eagerly. I nod and he immediately he takes my hand walking me to his car.

While in the car ride Seth chats about what is going on in his life. I care about my brother but as long as his life is healthy; I couldn't give a damn about what went on in it.

"Seth can you drop me off at the beach?" I ask with sad eyes so he will say 'yes'. Carlisle told everyone and made them promise that they wouldn't let me stand for too long because it's dangerous. No one wants me to lose the baby I don't think I will live if I did.

"Leah, you know I'm not supposed to too." He says trying to sound like he has no choice in the matter when he really does.

"Seth, you could go get us some food and pick me up when you're done. I won't do anything dangerous; I'm just going to sit there." I say pleading with my voice and eyes.

"Okay, but if something happens I don't want any of the blame." He says driving towards the beach.

"Thank you Sethy. You're my best brother." I say smiling brightly thinking it's quite sad that I have to beg to go to the beach.

"Leah, I'm your only brother." He says frowning then quickly turning his lips up in a smile.

The salty water hits my nose before I open the door all the way. Seth offered to walk me to the beach but I declined I want to be by myself and do things for myself. I don't like not being in control of my life.

It's a rare sunny day in May and I walk down the beach basking in the solitude heading towards my favorite spot; it's a small cave where the water hits. Sitting on the rocks I dip my feet into the water letting the cool water roll over my toes. I look above where the sun is shining just enough not to blind me. This spot is safe like my porch I feel protected here. Listening to the sound of the ocean's waves crashing against the surf I'm overwhelmed with a rush of memories beginning with my childhood. I remember Seth's first time at the beach, my very first kiss with Sam was here on the beach and the first time Jacob and I came here out of my thoughts I can't help but realize that no matter what, La Push is my home. I've spent years trying to run away from place only to come back in the end.

My plans are to sell the house in Seattle and use the money to build a new one here. I've got a chance at a brand new start here at home and I'm going to start building new memoires with my son. Who knows I might just find love, again, and when it does I'll be ready. While thinking over my future plans I hear someone calling out my name and can only assume that whoever it is will eventually run off to tell Sue where I am.

"Leah, what are you doing here?" I recognize the voice, it's Sam.

"I was just relaxing and thinking over some things." I say looking down at me feet.

"What kind of things?" He asks while sitting down next to me.

"My new life and the things that I am going have to face and do." I tell him truthfully. I can see Sam roll his eyes and he looks like he wants to say something but he doesn't. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I needed a break from Emily so I came down here to 'our' spot, like I normally do." He says looking directly into my eyes. His eyes are warm they are not dominating there soft for the first time in along time

"Our spot? Sam this was 'my' spot. _I_ let you hang out here but since there is no 'we', you don't have that privilege any more. "I tell to him assertively with my eyes narrowed and my lip pouting.

"Leah," Sam sighs shaking his head. "This is not just 'your' spot." He continues pointing at the names on the cave that have been carved by different couples over the years. Looking up I quickly find 'our' names; Sam's name is scratched out. I remember coming here, taking a rock and scraping over his name furiously while fighting back tears after finding out about him and Emily.

"You never brought Emily here? I don't see her name." I question as I look around finally taking notice of all the other names that are written on the cave's walls. The imprinted couples names are visible as are my parents'.

"Leah, this was 'our' place. I may have replaced you with Emily but believe me she could never erase our memories and what we had. I don't know how I can get you to understand that." He says with a huff as his eyebrows scrunch as if what he just said has hurt him.

"Because you left me!" I slightly scream to him looking him directly into his hurt eyes.

"Would you rather I spent my life with you pining after your cousin? Would you want to live life like that? Would you want me to love you halfway? Because I'd rather love you all the way." He yells at me.

"I want – I just want to be loved." I admit quietly with a tear rolling down my cheek. All I want is just one special person to love me. A complete love and I think I had it with Ray but I lost it. I know I could have had it with Jacob but I messed that up. Sam's huge arm pulls me in and he tucks me into his chest and I feel I am in a familiar place. He smells like Emily's blueberry muffins and Crayola crayons.

"Leah, your baby will need a father figure." He says bluntly.

"I know." I say quietly thinking, 'why did Sam always have to point out the obvious?'

"You can ask for help if you need it. I wasn't there for you but I can be there for the baby." He says stroking my shoulder. Sam is truly a great guy that was never given a chance of potential because of fate. Fate had given him a horrible father a loving mother and imprint.

"Why are you constantly trying to make up for what you lost?" I ask him hurting him accidently.

Thanks KKJ you're so awesome.

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers I love you all I hope you enjoy!

**I just joined **

**http:/jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com/**** come join me.**


	19. Depression and Sorrow

**Chapter 19:**

**Depression and Sorrow**

"I don't know." He says looking out of the cave and gazing at the water. He drops his head into his hands, rocks back and forth and then looks at me saying, "I miss you so much sometimes. I miss everything about you when you left the pack. I missed you yelling at me and the other guys. I feel like I messed you up; that I am the reason you are like this and I find myself trying to make up for what I did to you but I can't. So I come here to get away from Emily and because things were simple when I was with you; this place reminds me of you."

"Sam, believe it or not but I got over us a long time ago. When you and Emily try to make up for what you did, it hurts and it makes me lash out at you. Do me a favor? And get over us; otherwise 'this thing" we keep doing will only become a revolving habit." I look at him speaking honestly. I grab his hand and hold it as we look out into the ocean. We didn't say much because I now truly understand 'us' and so does he. We both miss the people we were but now I should look forward to the woman I am and will continue to be.

After my conversation with Sam, I wait for Seth to pick me back up and take me home. We sit in the living room eating cheeseburgers and fries while watching a Buffy the Vampire Slayer rerun. Watching the show reminds me of when we were kids and Seth was afraid to watch it alone. Now he laughs instead of crying. I love spending time with my brother; he makes me feel like myself and not the outer shell of myself.

After dinner and cleaning up the kitchen, I head upstairs to my room ready to try and go to sleep. Lately I've had trouble getting to sleep thinking about the baby and I. I haven't told anyone but after the baby is born I want go back to Seattle. Though Esme has taken over the restaurant I would like to go back and work. I want to live in the house that Ray created for us and one day I want to rebuild my relationship with Kyla.

Before I move on with my life the first thing I need to do is find out who the father of my child is. I turn on the side of my stomach and my clock says that it's 4:30am. Dr. Cullen is not asleep; he can't sleep, so I know that I'm not disturbing him. My phone is lying next to my clock I pick it up and dial Dr. Cullen's cell phone. He picks it up on the second ring. I'm hoping he will do the procedure earlier than we intended.

"Leah, what can I do for you?" He asks sounding calm and compassionate like he always does.

"I can't wait for the next visit to have the DNA test preformed. Can I come tomorrow?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes, Leah, come by tomorrow evening around 7:00pm." he says excitedly." I have a morning shift tomorrow."

"Ok, thank you." I say to him appreciatively though I am nervous relief rushes through my body.

Its 8:45pm and Dr. Cullen is running late.

He is a damn vampire; he runs faster than time itself so how in the hell is he running late. My legs are shaking and I am biting my nails. Emily is here with me because I didn't want Seth asking me questions about why I suddenly needed another test done.

"Leah, calm down." Emily says snatching my hand away from my mouth and placing it at my side.

I smack her hand away once she releases mine and say, "I hate it when you touch me." I say nearly growling at her. Emily face turns from a smile to a scowl and she scoots over away from me. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous, you know?" I apologize as she smiles back at me.

"What will you do once you find out your answer?" Emily asks me. I look at her and can't help the scowl that appears because I don't have an answer.

"I don't know." I admit swallowing my spit while trying to digest reality. Emily doesn't say anything but focuses her attention at the floor.

Eventually Dr. Cullen has finally arrives. "I'm sorry, Leah. There was an emergency and I stayed to help out." He says explaining his tardiness to me.

"It's fine. But only because you were saving a life." I say as I smile lightly at him and He smiles back at me.

"You can follow me to your room." He says. Emily and I get up and I follow him out.

"Leah, I am going to give you a sedative to help you relax." Carlisle says in his calming tone. He explains to me that he will use the ultrasound to guide the needles that will penetrate the amniotic fluid where he will retrieve the babies DNA. The sedative not only calms me but also makes me feel drowsy and wind up falling asleep.

I awaken to find myself alone in the room. Getting dressed I walk out the room to find Emily and Esme sitting on the couch looking at baby books. "Hey did Carlisle get the results?" I ask while walking in to the living area.

"Leah, you can come into my office." Carlisle offers as he points down the hallway leading to his office. I look over to Emily who gives me a reassuring smile and then a nod. I then extend my name hand out like a 4-year old waiting for her mom to help her cross the street. She puts the book down that she is reading and walks over and picks up my hand and gives it a light squeeze. I don't want to admit it but right now in this very moment I need Emily more than I have ever needed someone I don't want hear the results alone and I don't want to be alone "I thought you hated it when I touch you." She says with a giggle.

"I need you right now." I tell her with a sad look on my face. I'm sad because I don't know if either result will be the right one. If Ray is the father I'll have remembrances of him that will never fade away like his 'ghost' and if he is Jacob's then I will have a reason to accept his love instead of pushing it away.

Hand in hand we walk together to Dr. Cullen's office and both sit in the chairs in front of the desk. Looking at the desk I notice a manila folder lying on the desk. Carlisle sits down and wordlessly picks up the folder, opening it and pulling out a sheet of paper. The calm and unreadable expression that Dr. Cullen has only increases my anxiety as he reads over the paper before looking up at me.

"Leah, are you ready?" Dr. Cullen asks with an indifferent facial expression.

"Y-yes." I stutter out with a weak nod.

"Alright, well the results are 99.9% certain that the father of your son is Jacob."

I scream, I wake up and I'm alone the delusion of Ray won't ease my pain. He is only a distant memory that painfully shocks me from time to time. Tonight I am having a nightmare, waking up sweating and crying with a half-naked wolf standing over me with a questioning look on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asks me walking towards the bed from the doorway.

"Yes, what the hell are you doing here?" I ask urgently covering up my swollen breasts that is hanging out of my tank top.

"I was patrolling when I heard the screaming. So I came over." He said taking a seat on my bed looking at me wearily.

"Why are you patrolling so close to my house?" I ask returning the weary look he is giving me.

"Jacob told me to. So now it's my turn to ask the questions. Leah why were you screaming like someone was killing you?" Paul asks looking worried.

"It's something that I do. So run along like you didn't hear anything." I tell him sternly.

"Well I'll be outside, try not to wake up the dead with all that damn screaming." He says easing off the bed with a smirk dancing across his face.

"Why are you patrolling so close to my house?" I ask again demanding an answer.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." He says looking away.

"Paul, don't fuck around with me. Why are you here?" I yell at him getting out of my bed and into his face.

"There was a vampire roaming on our lands a couple of nights ago. So Jacob pulled everyone out of retirement and made us patrol." Paul tells me, regretfully, dropping his smirk.

I hold the bottom of my stomach, my heart rate quickens and my mind is wondering what was it after?

"Seth said he was with his girlfriend all this time he has been patrolling." I say trying to make sense of everything. I can't believe I have been lied too.

"Jacob put the strongest wolves at your house. Leaving Collin and Brady taking care of the rest of the Rez.

You're the only ones who live deeper into the woods." Paul tells me.

Then I realize Paul isn't alone, Jacob sent him in to see if I was okay. I quickly get up grabbing my stomach, running to the back door before Paul has a chance to stop me. I walk out into the darkness, feeling alone and walking further from the house.

"Jacob." I scream. There is nothing but silence.

"Jacob, I know you are out there and if you thought for a second that I was in fucking danger you should have told me. I have a right to know." I scream holding on to my swollen belly, my cheeks are fire engine red and tears are streaming down my face. All I can think about is that he fucking owes it to me to tell me and, yet, I don't know why.

Paul comes out, placing a hand on my shoulder while looking at me with concern and pity.

"Lee, come on lets go back in the house." Paul says ushering me back towards the house stealing glances at me.

"No, Jacob I know you can hear me and if there is something threatening me or my child I have a right to know." I scream out into the darkness before Paul grabs me and pulls me into the house.

"Leah, I don't know what you did to Jacob but whatever it was it pissed him off and left him hurt." Paul says sincerely as he helps me into bed.

"What I did to him? I didn't do anything to him. He is the one prancing around with Lauren the whore." I say arguing my point slightly annoyed by Paul accusing me of making Jacob mad.

"That's not how I saw that argument. If I remember you told him to go after her. Remember, he can't always help the things that slip into his mind." Paul argued.

"Get the hell out. I'm not in immediate danger so you can leave now." I scream at him.

"Bye Clearwater." He says running swiftly out of my bedroom.

I cannot go back to sleep so I pop in some Nip/Tuck DVDs deciding to watch people who seem to have problems bigger than mine.

Morning finally came and I was still upset. I get out of bed, leaving it unmade, grab my blue sundress and some panties and walk to the bathroom. I didn't get any sleep after Paul left.

I turn the shower on and let the small bathroom feel with steam so it makes facing myself impossible. I step into the shower and sit on the tub floor and let the water hit me. Today is the first day I don't cry, though I want too.

I get out of the shower and head over to Emily's even though I am breaking the rules. I'm not supposed to stand too long being bed-ridden but I'm sure the baby won't fall out as long as I don't do anything strenuous. I don't plan on yelling at Emily too much. I just want to know why didn't she tell me there was vampire running around? When I get to Emily and Sam's I notice there is a Honda Accord, older model. That might be why she hasn't called me this morning she has company over.

I knock on the door and it took a while for someone to answer until little Sam opens the door

"Lee-Lee." Little Sam squeals in enjoy.

"Hi Sam, is your mother home?" I ask little Sam smiling at him.

"Yes come in Lee-Lee." He says while opening the door wide. I notice that he is starting to a develop a lisp.

I walk in to see Jacob and Lauren sitting on the couch with Sam and Emily having those goddamn muffins.

"Lee-Lee is here." Little Sam announces. He didn't have to do so because I know Jacob and Sam sensed me before I knocked.

"Leah you should have called." Emily says while getting up to hug me looking nervously.

"Hello to you too, cuz." I say back glaring at every one in the room which has fallen silent do to my arrival.

"Hey Leah." Sam says.

"Hi Leah." Lauren throws in smiling widely at me.

Jacob mumbles but I don't acknowledge him.

"So what's going on?" I ask plopping down on the couch next to Lauren showing off my swollen bump smiling at her sarcastically.

"Nothing much. Jacob and I are passing along some good news." She says excitedly smiling widely where I can see all of her teeth.

"Really. Like what?" I ask her in a sarcastic excited tone mimicking hers.

"We're getting married." She announces and she is screeching loudly with her answer.

My blood begins to boil, heart pumps fast and my eyes narrow in on Jacob. My lips are trembling, uncontrollably, and I want to cry but pride doesn't allow me to which I am so thankful for.

"Don't you think it's a little soon?" I choke out with my voice squeaking.

"Love doesn't wait." Jacob manages to say while grabbing Lauren's hand and looking down at the floor.

I get up swiftly and I walk into the kitchen for a drink of water. Emily follows me into the kitchen. I pick the glass up and throw it into her sink making it shatter into hundreds of pieces.

"Leah." She says grabbing my shoulders.

"Don't!" I nearly scream but it comes out in choke. "I came here to ask why you didn't tell me there was vampire running around. I didn't expect this Emily."

"Leah, he won't marry her." She whispers to me.

"How do you know that?" I question her.

"Because he doesn't look at her like he looks at you." She says assuring me of who Jacob really loves by holding me.

"I am completely lost and whenever I feel I can be found I get lost again." I tell her slowly and softly because the pain is too familiar and the scars never healed.

"Leah, when the baby come those scars will be healed because you will experience a happiness you've never felt." Emily tells me while hugging my shoulders.

"I have to go." I tell Emily as I brush her hug off and walk out the kitchen.

Walking into the living room I notice that Lauren is gone but Jacob and Sam are talking. I walk up to Sam and Jacob.

"I hope you have a long and happy life with her." I tell him then swiftly walking out the door. I start to cry as I walk out the door because I lied to him and felt so horrible for doing so. I want him and, most of all, my baby will need him.

"Leah." I hear a male voice call out to me in anger and then grab my arm.

**A/N: Thank you readers and reviewers and KKJ.**


	20. Testing and Recreation

**Chapter 20:**

**Testing and Reconstruction**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

I turn around swiftly and I see Sam standing behind me looking at me wondering what my problem is.

"What." I yelled loudly at him staring him down like he was my opponent in an UFC match.

"Leah what's wrong with you? I thought you were doing better?" He asks me.

I don't acknowledge what he says instead I ask my own question. "Why didn't you tell me a vampire is running around loose?" He looks confused and then I can see he is thinking about what he is going to say but he doesn't speak.

"Are you under command?" I question. Sam looks up at me ashamed that he, an 'alpha', has been muffled. My eyes bulge out of my head and then my heart decides for my brain that I can't possibly take Jacob's bull shit anymore. I stomp off into the Uley's home.

I walk through the house seeing red. Emily is picking up the plate of muffins when I walk over to Jacob who is standing next to Lauren holding her hand and smiling at her.

Jacob and Lauren both lookup at me simultaneously surprised to see me but it has already happenbefore I know what I'm about to do, my body reacts. My right hand is already pulled back, raised above my head and I watch in slow motion as it comes out and slaps across Jacob's face. The sound seems to reverberate all around me as I slowly come back to myself. My right hand is extended in front of me and it meeting his face. There is a loud smack in this moment it seems everything that is happening is a movie and I'm simply watching from a theater seat.

Emily drops the plate of muffins and Sam quickly rushes through the door. Lauren pushes me back from Jacob who growls and pushes her back on to the couch. He charges at me and Emily quickly pulls me towards her. Leaving Jacob to slam into Sam; both Sam and Jacob are staring each other down.

"Why did you hit me?" Jacob yells in my direction but not taking his eyes off of Sam.

"Why didn't you tell me a blood sucker was after me?" I ask screaming at Jacob.

"They're not after you." He screams back.

"You're lying." I say back to him.

"I have no reason too. It was a hungry vamp running around looking for an easy meal and it got some hungry wolves instead." He says while glaring at Sam.

"Whatever Black you're full of shit." I say while walking out of Sam and Emily's house.

Emily rushes after me calling my name which causes me to walk faster.

"Leah, slow down." Emily screams at me so I will slow down.

"I swear you are the only pregnant women who can walk that damn fast."

"Emily, what do you want?" I ask her while rolling my eyes because I know that she's going to ask 'what's wrong with you'.

"Leah, what's wrong with you? Why did you hit Jacob?" She asks me like I knew she would.

"The baby made me do it." I tell her.

"Leah, be serious." She says staring at me.

"I am the baby thought that his dad needed a stupid slap so I gave him one. Now if you don't mind I think I've been moving around too much. I need to go lay down." I say before walking back home.

"Do you want a ride?" She asks me.

"No." I simply state before turning away.

I walked down the road trying to figure out one why I decided to walk and two why in the hell is Jacob driving me crazy. I realize that I told him to move on and I told him that the baby isn't his. Realization suddenly hits me that I've said all these things but I have no logical reason for why.

I feel like I'm living life in wonderland; nothing makes sense anymore. I'm more alone than I have ever been and again I find myself thinking about Kyla and why I can't pick up the phone and call.

**Jacob's POV**

"Jacob." Lauren calls to me but her voice sounds distant like she isn't really here so I ignore her while I continue to stare out into space thinking about Leah. "Jacob, Can you hear me?" She asks walking over to me. She shakes my arm forcefully and I swat at her so she will stop.

"Yes I can hear you." I say to her but I am still gazing out into space

I walk around, I pretend to be happy and in love when I'm neither. I lie to myself by pretending to love Lauren when I'm incapable of it; Lauren will never be enough for me because she isn't who I want. She is not the woman I picture myself with when I finally stop phasing and start to age. Lauren is not the mother I picture for my future children she isn't who my mother would want me to be with; she doesn't complete me.

"Jacob you seem out of it. What's wrong?" she asks me with a concerned tone while hugging my shoulders.

"Nothing, it's just pack issues. That's all." I lie to her in a whisper.

Lauren starts to kiss me behind my ear and I start the routine of envisioning Leah in my mind slowly, the scowl drops from my face forming a smile. She stops kissing me to look me in the eye which makes it hard to lie when she staring into my soul but I put my poker face on and get ready.

"Are you sure it's not Leah?" She asks me looking at me getting ready to believe the lie.

"Positive. Her bitch fits are getting out of control." I retort almost believing the lie myself.

The truth is when Leah was ignoring me it tore my heart up but the fact that she is showing some emotion towards me; it makes me happy. I reassure Lauren once more with a kiss.

Lauren's mother comes over to have dinner with us and she is going over the wedding plans. I can't help but to imagine Sue visiting with a baked good, excited at the fact that her only daughter will finally say 'I do'. I can see Leah nonchalantly smiling because this is all too familiar for her and she is just proud that she will finally have her day for her wishes to come true.

Instead I have Mrs. Sanders who can't cook canned soup and an overly excited Lauren. This is all new too for her, it's the first time that a guy like me asked a girl like her out. I'm not being cocky but it's true. I'm confident and let's face it, I am handsome and I am 'leader of the tribe', why wouldn't she want me?

Lauren wants people to stop looking down on her family and she wants people to be proud of her instead of looking at them like the bunch of half-breeds that they are. Lauren's mother went to New York to become a model but instead of getting contracts and ads she got pregnant by her agent. She came home, got a job working at the only motel there is on our land and she has been working there every since keeping to herself. Lauren's father sent money but they never formed a relationship mainly because he is married and has other children.

Like Embry, Lauren too was subjected to being called mean things because of who their fathers were and weren't.

It's sad to say but Lauren reminds me of Bella; she is possessive, clumsy, and selfish. But unlike Bella, Lauren knows what and who she wants; and that person is me. She wants me so bad that she doesn't even care if I don't lover her enough and she ignores the signs instead she accepts the lies I've grown accustom to telling.

The day that Lauren walked into my life I thought it was meant to be. Leah and I had just broken whatever we were doing off and she told me to go after Lauren that she was a perfect match for me but Leah was lying; Leah is the perfect match for me.

I didn't notice until one night we were laying in bed and she didn't cuddle up to me the way Leah does. I also noticed that she doesn't bit her lip nor argue like Leah. All of a sudden I missed every small thing about Leah and that was the day I started living a lie.

The day Leah had her procedure to stop her from going to into early labor was the day that I thought maybe we could work it out, that is if she wanted us to, but she didn't and she has made it clear.

I asked her if the baby is mine and she tells me no but I know that she is lying because it smells like a wolf; it doesn't smell human at all even though Leah does smell human. She told me 'no' like she knew the baby was Ray's.

At that moment the baby could have been Sam's and I would accept it as my own if she wanted to be with me. After that I realized that she didn't want me.

I went home to Lauren after that and she welcomed me with smile like she always did, that night we had sex and I picture Leah instead of her when I closed my eyes.

I lay still in bed, not able to sleep, Lauren and her mom drove me crazy today with wedding plans. I don't understand why it has to be too difficult. I get out of bed and I run out the back door to phase. I feel the cool breeze of the La Push air roll over my fur and it feels so good.

I follow what I think to be an old scent of Leah's which leads me to her lifeless body.

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much KKJ my stories would be horrible if I had to post them pre-edited. **

**Special Thanks to ****jacobblackismineduh**** you started reading and reviewed almost every chapter thank you! **

**Thank you to everyone who does read and review my stories Love you guys! **

**Check out the website : http:/jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com/**

**I have the same screen name as I do on here!**


	21. Acceptance

**Chapter 21:**

**Acceptance**

**Jacob POV.**

I wake up in a pool of sweat breathing rapidly and heaving profusely. I'm lying in a puddle of my own sweat. I get out of bed pacing back and forth looking down at Lauren. She has a smile planted on her face as she talks in her sleep. I think to myself 'I got to make sure Leah is okay.'

I don't know what I just witness but whatever it was it felt so real. I found her body laying on the beach, lifeless and there was blood surrounding her. I smelt her blood; this couldn't have been a nightmare. I run to open the window and I hear Lauren shuffle awake.

"Jacob." She whispers patting over to my side of the bed.

"I'm going to outside to patrol a bit." I tell her trying to reassure her.

"Be safe." She says before turning over.

She is half asleep; if she were fully awake she would have been begging me to stay. I push the window up and leap out phasing upon hitting the ground. I begin a steady pace to Leah's house. I do not smell her blood in the air but I smell her scent faintly. Hopefully I am dreaming and she isn't hurt.

The faint scent gets stronger as I follow it towards Leah's house. I take the woods towards her backyard. I can see her through the window and she is sitting at her kitchen table staring at her phone lightly taping her fingers against the table.

Leah takes her phone and goes up stairs. I follow her around the house so that I can see through the window.

She takes off the shirt she has on exposing her protruding belly which is beautiful. She has this single dark brown line that follows up towards her belly button from her pelvic bone center.

Leah's hair is messy from removing her shirt and she simply pushes it out of her face. Though she can grow her hair out she still manages to keep it at her shoulders. She doesn't grow it an inch longer nor shorter since Ray's death. It simply stays the same.

My wolf eyes allow me to see thing that others cannot see, it allows me to see the small freckles that has appeared on her face since she's been back from Seattle. I can see she has stretch marks from the baby developing vaguely on the side of her hip as she slips her panties off throwing them down with her shirt. I want to respect her and look away but it's not possible.

Her breasts are swollen red and her nipples are darker from the milk she is producing; she holds the left one as if she is experiencing pain.

I've missed every single touch that I took for granted; I missed it all.

I sit there wanting badly to walk up to her to apologize for being stupid. I want her, I want my baby and I want our family. But it can't happen like that, it has to be on her on time. I walk away slowly taking one last look at her before I head back to life that I continue to live with Lauren.

I decide at the last moment not to leave. Well I couldn't leave, my heart wouldn't let me. I lay on my front paws and fall asleep until I hear Leah screaming in excruciating pain. I quickly get up from my paws about to phase when I'm suddenly crashing into a tree and howling in pain.

**Leah POV**

I lay against my head board listening to music on my iPod. I'm hoping that it will land on the perfect song and lead me to where I am supposed to go and tell me what I am supposed to do. I need a song that will save my life and my baby's because this life that I have been given isn't mine's anymore; I share it with my child and I want to be better for him and for us.

I put my 'smooth' playlist on and fall asleep to the soothing sounds. I awake to the baby kicking me as if he is in distress. I'm sweating and my heart is beating fast. I'm panicking because I realize that the kicking is in fact-period like cramps. I push my blanket off and see that I'm sitting in liquid.

"My water broke." I scream out loud. The scream is caused by an excruciating cramp as I stare at the puddle I'm sitting in.

I try to rationalize what to do I haven't been preparing for 'him' to actually be born. I reach over to my right to grab the phone off of my nightstand which falls on the floor because my hands won't stop shaking.

I hear a loud crash outside followed by a howl from a wolf. I get out of bed and fondle my way around the floor until I can feel my phone that made its way under my bed. I call Carlisle who is at the hospital. He asks how far apart my contractions are and I don't know. I just know that I'm hurting. He says he will send Esme after me to bring me to the hospital. He tells me to remain calm and everything I'm feeling is normal. I hang up to call Sam and Emily.

"Hello." A groggy Sam answers the phone up.

"It's Leah-" I try to say before I'm cut off by king asshole.

"Are you okay, what's wrong Lee-Lee?" He asks before I can finish my statement.

"I'm in labor but there is a hurt wolf not far from my house." I say to him frantically. I can hear a fight happening and I don't know who it is and what it is.

"What? No one should be out I'm on my way, I'll wake Emily." He says before hanging up.

I call my mom who says she will meet me at the hospital. I try to sit on the edge of the bed hoping that the contractions will stop; they seem to be every 9 minutes. The fighting has stopped buy the whimpers have not.

I sit breathing rapidly when I see the headlights pull up outside and then I hear loud hissing, it must be Esme and followed by the sound of concrete crushing. During my pregnancy I never told anyone that the vampire smell still gets to me. Being pregnant a lot of smells make me want to vomit or bother me. By me being human leech scent isn't suppose to bother me but it does. I don't know if it's a old sense memory but it bothers me to no end. I didn't want Carlisle experimenting more than he needed to. After the crash I attempt to walk towards the window to see if I can see her. But the headlights are turned off. I weakly lift the window up and poke my head out the scents hit me all at once.

There is a mixture of wolf blood and vampire stench. I hope the wolf and Esme didn't get into a fight I think to myself. Then I smell him, it's not only Esme and the wolf is Jacob.

I begin to panic thinking about the vampire who crossed the border last month and I start to feel like I'm in danger. Hot tears stream down my face as I hold my stomach from the pain and fear. I need to hide. I think to myself if I phase I might kill the baby but save myself or I could save the both of us. I try not to think about it when that time comes I will do what's necessary to protect us.

I waddle back to my bed trying to gain courage to hide. Esme decrepitly limps through the bedroom door missing an arm and badly bruised. She has been beaten by her own kind. She has blood on her shirt and I'm scare to walk over by her.

"Leah we have to get you out of here now." She screams with her voice cracking towards the end. She is afraid and looks around anxiously at her surroundings.

"What happened?" I ask cautiously.

"Someone is here to get your baby. Now come with me." She says grabbing my hand and leading me down the steps before I can process what's going on.

My stomach is turning and before I know it I vomit on the porch the minute we reach outside, I smell the disgusting leech and then I hear Emily yelp and ask Esme and what happened.

Sam is in wolf form running through the woods. Then I hear Jacob ask if I am okay.

I pass out.

**Kyla's pov.**

"Embry your driving to slow we need to make it back before she gives birth." I yell at Embry impatiently.

**A/n: Thanks to KKJ awesome beta! Thank you to everyone that reads! So let me know if you hate it or love it please review! **


	22. We Need A Resolution

**Chapter 22:**

**We need a Resolution **

**Kyla's POV**

I sit and watch Embry as he talks in his sleep; he has doing this since we left La Push, his home where his friends and family are. He often replays the night I was changed in his dreams, I hear him scream out to me as if he can stop the change as if he can take back the moment. I hear his scream over and over. No matter how much I tell him this is my destiny he never believes me, he believes that I had more.

My powers have increased; I don't have to dream to see the future anymore, like Alice, it simply shows up. I can also see the past once I'm in tune with someone. I painfully relived Rosalie's rape after her return from assisting Leah and Esme's suicide attempt after I refused to drink blood for the first couple of days.

I can move things slowly when concentrating but nothing big, only cups or pillows.

Though I'm content with whom I am meant to be. I miss things about being human, simple silly things. I find it hard to see Embry act entirely human when I'm not doing the same. When he sips hot chocolate while we read books at night I want to as well but I can't so I settle for warming up pigs blood in the microwave. I don't like the fact that my skin is cold and that I cannot sleep. Embry doesn't mind but I wish I could be warm for him. All of these things seem silly to the others but deep down it matters to me.

I missed my family I never pictured myself doing.

I was never close with my family; I was an outcast, alone in my own home that was constantly filled with laughter and joy that I never felt.

My parents tried to be close to me but I never felt whole with them. I was close to my grandmother. She has special gifts, as well. I would see her lift things after looking at them for a short period of time, like me, when I was smaller but as I got older she stopped using it around me.

I visited her about two weeks ago though Carlisle and the Denalis were against it. They were afraid that I wouldn't be able to control myself. The human part of me thought, 'why would I eat my grandmother, the one person I connected with while human?'

When I arrived at her door she grabbed her crucifix on her chest and said a silent Hail Mary prayer.

"I told them that those ashes weren't you." She says in a happy tone.

She opens the screen door to invite us in and I can smell her blood pulsing through her veins, her heart beat quickens and I try to muffle the low growl that escapes from my throat. I place my left hand over my mouth as Embry clutches my right, her screen door shuts instantly. She was afraid of me, her little Ky.

"Don't try to hide what you are." She says somewhat harshly but truthfully.

Embry clutches my hand secretly hoping that I won't do anything to jeopardize her safety or cause him to hurt me. My grandmother's heart rate slows down and she opens the door again, it slowly screeches open by itself. She slowly walks up, cups my face in her warm hands but quickly flinches back surprised by the frigid temperature.

"Ky, how did this happen? Who did this to you baby?" She asks with sad eyes.

The sensation for me to cry comes but with no tears. I sob very loudly and she embraces me.I don't hug her back but allow her to squeeze me with all her might. We sit on her porch and I tell her what happened.

She holds my cold hand the whole time fighting back tears while I'm fighting back the urge to kill her. And at that moment I am reminded why I'm not allowed to miss the silly things anymore. I realized what made me human is simply gone and I wondered will I ever be me again. I was sure who I was but now I struggle with what I am.

She tells me that my parents aren't doing so well; that my mom is getting better but as I was her first born and I'm deeply missed. She also tells me that my baby brother has the power of sight as well; he's only five and he tells my mother I'm safe and not to worry about me.

"Maybe one day Mom will accept her powers." I say gently. I only remember a very few times 'where my mother used them only for brief seconds at a time when she thought she was alone "It will be a cold day in hell." She says laughing lightly.

"Yeah probably, why doesn't she accept them?" I ask my grandmother.

"Something bad happened a long time ago to her and she used her power to deal with it, Things ended up getting more out of hand and ever since then she never uses them." She says sadly.

"We should be getting back home, Ky." Embry says regretfully.

"Yeah it's getting late. I love you Grandma."

"I love you to Ky and Embry take care of her for me." She says.

"I will Mrs. Carroll."

"Ky don't be a stranger. There is more than one way to visit me." She says winking her eye at me.

"There is?" I question.

_Yes._ She says inside of my head. I gently smile at her, nodding my head as Embry and I walk away.

I shake my thoughts out of my head because I might start sobbing again.

"It's okay if you miss who you were." Edward says while walking slowly behind the sofa. I turn my neck swiftly as if I'm surprised but I've not I heard him upstairs. Hell I can hear everything and that's what bother me I can't stop the noise.

"Then why does everyone but Carlisle think it's monotonous of me?" I asked nearly snapping at him.

"Because they're old and the only reason I've held on to mine's is because of Nessie and Bella, in a way they cured me."

"I enjoyed my human life not as much as I should have but I did. I," I say before being cut off by Edward reading my inner thoughts.

"Should have made a bigger effort to enjoy it." He says completing my sentence.

He leaves quickly without saying anything. I think I've managed to piss him off again. It's not a secret anymore that I find Bella and Edward's relationship repulsive; I believe she should have stayed human instead of being selfish. She wasn't worth the fight in my opinion. She gave up on her humanity when every vampire I've come across wasn't given a choice. Bella didn't enjoy her human life.

Emmett calls me 'baby Leah' because he says I know how to push buttons like her.

The attitude came after the transformation. I woke blood thirsty and after awhile angry. When I woke up Embry was there a mixture of Denali's and Cullen's but Leah wasn't there and ray wasn't I was alone. When I was told I need to feed I refuse to because I thought it would make me a monster like everyone else and for the first time in my life. I wanted to be 'normal' something I'd never wanted.

I thought that if I didn't drink that Leah would have accepted me but I knew that she wouldn't. She hasn't asked about me or tried to see me. Leah lives as if I don't exist. I know she is dealing with the pain of losing Ray but I've lost not only my humanity but my best friend too.

The house is quiet because everyone is gone. Edward went back to his home but will be leaving to visit Nessie at school and the Denali's are visiting friends and won't be back till next week. I sit here gazing outside with Embry asleep on my thigh snoring about when it happens. My eyes roll around in the socket not focusing and my neck falls back leaving my head pointing towards the ceiling. Then it plays out like a movie, I see a wolf fighting a vampire and then Esme pulls up to Leah's house, is viciously attacked by the vampire but it stops and she leaves.

I jump up as the vision ends and yell.

"Embry wake up." I shout at him shaking him somewhat violently.

"What's wrong?" He asks franticly.

"Leah is in trouble and so is Jacob." Embry doesn't ask any more questions. He gets up and looks for the car keys.

"We need to run." I scream at him

"You're faster than me and if you get into danger I might not make it in time." He says.

It is true Leah is the fastest out of them. And I haven't fought before I might not be able to protect myself.

**Leah's POV**

I wake up lying in my makeshift hospital room at the Cullen's. I look to my right and see Rosalie stitching Esme's arm on, Emmett is standing at the door with his muscles flexed pacing back and forth. I try to lift my hands up to feel my stomach but I can't move them, I'm weak. I try to make a squeak.

"She's awake." Esme says to Rosalie.

"Ba-by." I stutter.

"Leah calm down he is being delivered now he's doing fine." When I look to my left my mother is clutching my hand rubbing it softly.

"The both of you will be fine." She says.

I realize that I can't feel anything because Carlisle is performing a C-section on me.

Moments later I hear the cry of my baby boy. Rosalie passes Carlisle a blanket as he suctions his mouth out and then he passes him to me. My mother removes my oxygen mask and I try to lift my head so that I can kiss him. His heart beat seems to be in tune with my mine he, opens his eyes and looks at me as I begin to cry. I look over to my mom whose tears are streaming and I hear the sobs coming from the corner which belongs to Esme.

"Where is Jacob?" I ask surprisingly.

"He is down stairs." Carlisle answers.

"Tell him to come up here to see him." I say looking down at the boy who looks exactly like him.

"He can't come right now Leah he was hurt." My mom says brushing my hair softly with her hand.

"Will he be okay?" I ask looking at Carlisle.

"Yes, he should be but more importantly we need to get you to the hospital." He says changing the subject.

Emmett carries me downstairs while my mother follows with the baby. I see Sam, Seth, and Embry. I see Embry which surprises me as he looks concerned, they all do. I close my eyes so that I can try to pick up their muffle tones but they stop talking. I pick up a vampire scent that I don't recognize and I instantly growl.

"Calm down Leah." Emmett whispers.

"Who is that?" I demand.

"An old friend." the vampire says while walking out of the room where Jacob is.

"Kyla."

She doesn't look the same; her once rich brown skin is now a dull pale brown, her eyes are grey and she looks slimmer but portioned. Her lips are fuller as does her bust and her cheek bones are higher.

"It's me." She says lightly.

"Emmett take me to the car." I say ignoring her. I don't know why I do it but I do.

"He's beautiful." She says ignoring my rudeness.

"Emmett." Who isn't walking fast enough.

"She will come around." I hear Embry says as a sob follows.

"What if she doesn't?" Ky asks.

"We'll deal with it when it happens." Embry assures her.

I have been at the hospital for two days. The women who creates the birth certificate says I have one more day to name him and I don't know what to name him.

"Leah while you're thinking about a name you might want to start thinking about an apology." My mom says while folding the clothes for me to place in my bag.

"Who am I apologizing too?" I ask curiously.

"Kyla she raced down here to save you."

"She did a really good job because Jacob is just as healthy as can be." I say sarcastically.

"Leah, don't start with me. I'm not asking you to I'm telling you too. She cannot help what she is and from talking to the others she is struggling with it mainly because she is alone."

"You're not asking, you're telling me. I am an adult-" I say before being cut off.

"Who is making a bad decision? She is the same girl you met who was a friend to you and she clearly knew you were different. It's not fair to her that you treat her this way."

"I did that to her, okay? That is why I can't look at her. Being what I am caused her the life she didn't need and Ray would have still been here too but-" I just cry.

"How can I fix her death Mom?" I ask in between muffled sobs.

"Leah she doesn't hold any of that against you. She never once blamed you. She just says it was fate."

I fall asleep shortly after my mom brought me back to reality; she was right I need to be a friend.

I decided to name the baby Harrison Jacob Ray Black. I wasn't ready to tell every the truth yet, my mom said she wouldn't tell anyone his name.

My mom drove us home. I never put his room together because I wasn't sure if this would remain our home. When I get up stairs to my bedroom a corner of my room has been decorated and set up for the baby.

"Emily and Rachel came by and set it up for you." My mom says smiling.

"I'll tell them thank you." My mom smiles happily.

"I'm going home for a while. Seth should be on his way over." She says to me.

"Will I be okay?" I ask nervous to be left alone.

"You're not alone. They're out patrolling around the house." She says knowing exactly what I wanted to hear. "I love you Leah."

"I love you too." I tell her before she leaves.

I walk over to the hand built rocking chair and sit down in it so that I can breast feed Harrison. The rocking chair faces the window and I see Paul run past the window. My cell phone vibrates in my robe pocket and I struggle to get it out, it's Emily.

"Hello."

"Hey I was making sure you got home okay." She says excitedly.

"Yeah, thank you for setting up for him."

"You're welcome. Umm can I stop by later to meet him?"

"Yeah I'll call you when I wake up from our nap."

"What's his name?" She asks.

"Harrison."

"Cool, well I'll see you later." We hang up the phones.

"Leah." I hear in a husky voice.


	23. Calling out to me

**Chapter 23:**

**Calling out to me**

**A/N: I do not own anything!**

My body tenses as I hold my baby, my newborn son. My steady rocking stops and I slightly glance back but no one is there. I turn around again and Ray is leaning against Harrison's crib.

"He is beautiful Leah." He says to me walking slowly.

"Are you really here?" I ask with doubts.

"Do you want me here?" He asks with a smile on his face.

"It's nice. Why are you here?" I ask nervously.

"To guide you." He says and then he disappears.

"Who are you talking to?" Seth says as he walks through the door.

"I was- umm I was talking to Harrison." I lie to him.

"Can I hold my nephew?" He asks sticking his hands out.

I place Harrison in his hands and Seth has the biggest smile on his face.

"He looks a lot like Dad." Seth states.

"I know he does that's why I named him Harrison."

"Yeah, he looks like Jacob too." Seth says under his breath and I look at him suspiciously.

"Leah, I know. I won't say anything." He assures me.

"Know what?" I ask.

"I know that Jacob is Harrison's father." Seth says while waiting on me to answer.

"Can you watch him while I take a shower?" I ask trying to leave the room.

"Leah, don't run away." He says turning towards me.

"What I'm not running. I need a shower." I try to convince him and myself.

I go into the bathroom and soak in the hot water that flows down my body. The water seems to regulate my emotions; I don't feel anything. I don't feel sad, calm or happy. The worry washes away and I hold on to me, that little piece of me that's deep inside – that's here deep down.

I finish my shower and I push the curtain back to see Ray leaning on the bathroom counter. I close my eyes and chant to myself 'you're not here, you're not here'.

"But I am." He says with a ghostly laugh.

"No you're not." I debate with him.

"I am and you're in danger."

"Well save me." I scream.

"It's Kyla's destiny, it wasn't mine." He says regretfully. "I wasn't suppose to save you Leah I wasn't suppose to live".

"Are you sure?" I ask with tears appearing in my eyes.

"Yes."

Seth starts knocking on the door and Ray vanishes. I reach out for him but he's gone before my hands are fully extended.

"Leah."

"Yes."

"Harrison is crying." Seth says.

"I'm coming out."

I have a towel wrapped around my head and my robe on. Seth passes me Harrison and I sit in our rocking chair. I pull my robe to the side and Harrison immediately latches on to my breast. I rock slowly as Harrison seems to suck the energy from me and I think about what Ray's ghost says. Then I think what my destiny is - is it motherhood?

"I'm going to fix some dinner you want any?" He asks.

"No, I'm fine thank you." I say and then he turns away and goes to the kitchen.

I lay Harrison in his crib and walk over to my dresser to grab a t-shirt so that I can lie down.

I fall asleep immediately and drift off into a dream.

I awake to distant loud screaming I'm in my bed everything is hazy and I can hear Harrison crying. There is blood all around him and he is holding on to me. Jacob and Sam are sprawled across the floor. Sam is laying down face forward bleeding from his head. I look over to Jacob who is on his back and his stomach is ripped open. Like someone has gutted him. I pick Harrison up and run towards the door but something catches my hair causing me to halt. Harrison begins to cry louder.

"not so fast wolf." The voice says before it tears into my flesh. I wake up screaming grabbing my chest to see my mom shaking me telling me it's a dream with Harrison screaming in the background.

"Leah, Are you okay?" He says while letting go of my shoulders

"'I'm fine. Now tell me what's going on." I demand.

My mother gets up from the bed and walks over to get Harrison from his crib.

"He's wet I'll change him." she says.

"Mom, why are we in danger?" I ask pointing at my son.

"You need to speak with Jacob." She says. "And before you leave in the morning pump some milk for me you may be gone for a while." She says before placing Harrison back in his crib.

"Mom, when did you get back?" I ask. "About two hours ago, I thought you might need me." She says while closing the door.

I try to go back to sleep but facing Jacob scares me.

**Jacob's POV**

"Jacob I hope you will be okay."

I hear Lauren slightly whispering to herself while whipping me with rag. I open my eyes to see her smiling brightly.

"Hi." She says softly.

"Hi" I say back. I try to get up but Lauren pushes me back down.

"No, lay back down Sam and Carlisle said you need to rest."

"Since when I have I listened to Sam or Carlisle?"

"Why are you in such a rush? You almost died." Lauren yells at me.

"Lauren, it wouldn't be the first time and it's probably not the last." I tell her slightly aggravated.

"Are you trying to go see her?" She asks raising her left eyebrow up suspiciously eyeing me.

"Who is her?"

"You know who I am talking about Jacob." She continues to scream.

"Say 'her' name Lauren. Fuck you can be annoying!" I say losing control.

"I 'can be annoying'? How do you think I feel? You are constantly expecting to wake up to Leah. There I said it! I said her name!"

"I can't wake up to Leah because I wake up next to you and you will never equal Leah."

"Fuck you Jacob" she yells before crying. I don't try to comfort her. I run out the house phasing into the air hitting the ground on all fours.

I run through the woods enjoying the cold wet earth hit the bottom of my paws and the cool damp air flowing through my fur. To Lauren it may not seem like I appreciate the fact that I'm breathing but I'm happy that I don't have to tell my life and family goodbye.

_Glad you pulled through. _I hear Embry enter my thoughts.

_Thank you. _

_We need to talk. _Embry says.

_I know meet me in the clearing. _We go to a small clearing that was near us both. I wait for Embry because he was further away. He comes skidding through the mud.

_Sorry, almost missed you there._

_It's good to see you it's been too long. _I tell him.

_Jacob, something bad is coming. We need to keep your son and Leah safe. _

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. This was a filler chapter action will be coming next chapter. Tanks KKJ! **


	24. Come Home

**Chapter 24:**

**Come home**

**A/N: I don't own this! **

**Jacob POV**

_Jacob, something bad is coming. We need to keep your son and Leah safe._

Last night, when Embry said those words too many emotions ran through my body. I knew that Leah was pregnant with my son but hearing someone else say those words made me feel like I wasn't insane.

Embry told me that Kyla couldn't see who was after Leah. She only could see the back of them. Which didn't give much detail but Embry said that it'sKyla's destiny to save Leah and our son.

I slept in the woods last night so that I could clear my mind. I didn't want to hold on to Lauren or Leah. What I want is to protect my son and my tribe but deep inside I am desperately seeking myself. The old me, the person I was before Bella Swan and all the fucked up shit she brought with her.

Life was simple before she crept back into town. Many would argue that before she came to town I was a boy who was waiting on his turn to be chief but that's not me. I was carefree. I wanted to make my dad proud, to be a mechanic.

I didn't believe any of the stories my dad told over bonfires. I had no reason to until Sam disappeared then I knew something wasn't right. That all of the descendants from my dad's stories had been isolating themselves from the tribe.

After I phased for the first time, I was changed. I was too passionate and angry, hell most of time I resented being a wolf until I realized that I enjoyed saving people. Even if Bella wanted to die I enjoyed trying to save her. It was all I had left and then came Leah.

Leah and Seth joined my pack and wanted to follow me. She not only followed me she was loyal too. She took care of me, was there for me and honestly I took her for granted. Leah disliked the Cullens, hated Bella and despite it all she still stayed with me – that's how loyal she was. Bella but she stayed because she was loyal to me. The one time she asked me to stand up for her, I didn't and I drove her away.

While she was gone, she found love, found completion. She had everything I and La Push wasn't able to give her. The life she had ended quickly when being what she is destroyed the relationships she developed and now she is a shell of who she is. And so now I sit and hope that she will accept me. The person who once turned his back on her.

I try to decide if I should go home but I haven't felt like I had a home since my dad died. I go home to Lauren and I don't feel whole. Sure she cooks for me and she treats me more than well but she will never be who I want. She will never understand my life, though she tries. There is only one thing we can do – I need to end things.

**Leah's POV**

I stayed awake a few hours after the terrible dream I had. I pumped my milk for Harrison and placed them in the refrigerator. Once I finally lay down am I then able to sleep nightmare and dream free. I wake up feeling rested around 10:30am. Stretching and yawning I bounce out of bed to pick out something to wear. I grab a simple pair of dark denim jeans and a white t-shirt. Harrison is fully awake so I give him a bath and change his clothes.

Walking downstairs and into the kitchen it would seem that half of La Push is here. Seth is digging into some pancakes while Quil, Embry, Collin, and Brady are all eating sausage and biscuits with homemade maple syrup.

"Emily sent over syrup, I know you hate it but it's so good." Quil says with a mouth full of food.

I pop him across the head and tell him, "Move over so I can sit down."

"Leah, I saved you some pancakes. I didn't want the barbarians getting a hold to them." My mom says while passing me the pancakes and reaching for her grandson.

"So why are you all here?" I ask looking around the room at the fully grown men in my mother's kitchen.

"Embry's back. We missed him." Brady says.

"You're not even in our pack." I snap at Brady.

"Yeah but we still like him." Collin says.

"Leah, I invited them." Seth says trying to break the ice.

"Well I can't stay long. I have some errands to run." I say pushing my plate of half eating food back.

"Going to see Jacob?" Embry asks with concerned look on his face. I ignore the question like I've ignored his presence.

Kissing Harrison good bye, telling everyone bye as well, I grab the keys to my dad's old pickup and head out the door. I turn on the radio and listen to some talk radio show where they're talking about the world's economic state. I make it to Lauren and Jacob's place which seems like seconds.

Walking up to the door I find myself unable to knock just yet. I stand there for a few seconds trying to grow some balls which is taking longer than usual. Sucking in a gust of air, blowing it out I knock on the door.

A frazzled Lauren answers the door. She has a ragged looking robe on with a tissue in her hand. Her hair is sprawled all over her head in a mess and her lips are dry.

"What do you want?" She asks as she looks me up and down.

I don't acknowledge her attitude instead planting a fake smile I ask, "Is Jacob home?"

Lauren tightens her lips and steps outside of the door. "You have some nerve to show up here." She says all of a sudden throwing her hands up yelling at me.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I scream back.

"Hmmm, I don't know maybe the fact that my fiancé is stuck on you." She shouts back at me.

I laugh uncontrollably watching as her mouth falls open and she narrows her eyes. I automatically step back because she looks as though she is about to attack me. I let out a growl to warn her to back down. She slightly jumps but then she continues to stare.

"I'm not afraid of you. That shit may work with Emily but you, Leah Clearwater, will never be able to bully me." She says stepping closer to me.

I step closer to her since she did not take heed of my warning saying with my eyes narrowed and my lips tight, "Since I am well aware that I can beat the shit out of you I'm not going to because it wouldn't be a fair fight. All I want to know is where the fuck is Jacob."

She steps closer, "Like I fucking said you don't scare me and I don't know where he is. I thought he was sniffing behind you and your little mutt." She says.

My body starts to tremble from her bringing up my child. He has nothing to do with this conversation. She takes a step back towards the door and trips stumbling backwards.

"Run" I roar out as she scrambles to get up.

"Leah." I hear a deep voice yell out to me.

I turn around swiftly and it's Jacob. He grabs my shoulder and pulls me towards him away from Lauren off the porch.

"Leah, calm down." He says looking me in my eyes. I close my eyes and think about Harrison and I take a breath waiting for the tremors to stop.

"What happened?" he asks me confused at what's going on.

"That bitch has been ranting and raving about you and I being together."

"Lauren." He looks up at her as she finally gets up looking scared to death.

"Which one is it gonna be Jacob?" she ask stumping her foot down.

Which instantly reminds me of Nessie when I hear the ultimatums. I expect for Jacob to downplay the situation like he normally does and tries to comfort her like he did Bella and Nessie. First he will wait for me to make some snarky remark, then after I tell him what happened, as always he'll choose their side and tells me that I take things out of context which is not true. He's just a push over when it comes to other women.

"Leah." He says without a thought. I'm surprised and taken back by what he says.

Lauren looks surprised as I was she expecting Jacob to choose her like I did.

"What did you say?" Comes out of my mouth, I'm not sure how I feel I don't believe what I hear. I think I'm dreaming again.

He turns to me and says, "I chose you." I look over to Lauren who is just as surprised as I am.

Taking my hands Jacob smiles at me and says, "I chose you."

"Why?" I ask suddenly.

"You always have my back and now it's time that I have yours." He says to me smiling. I look into his eyes to see if he is being honest and he is but I don't believe it. He pulls me in closer to him so that I can also feel his true intentions.

"Jacob." Lauren says with a whimper. I can tell that she's about to cry.

"Lauren, you're a great girl but you're not right for me." Jacob tries to explain while not breaking eye contact with me.

"Fuck the both of you." She screams before she slams the door.

"Jacob, I came to ask who was after Harrison and me. I don't want this." I say taking my hands back. I don't want an 'us'.

"I don't know what's after you but I will protect you and our son."

I'm angry that he doesn't know who is after me but I'm angrier that he thinks that he can show up and play dad and I don't want him too. I came here searching for an answer so that I can protect my son. Not to find him a father. I also wanted to tell Jacob that he was the father I waited too long and now he has figured it out. Before I realize it I start to run towards the woods the surrounded the little house. I turn around to see if Jacob is following me but something pushes me strongly knocking me down before I get a chance to speak. I hear Jacob's growl before I passed out.

I feel something burning me on my shoulder and can smell blood. My head aches and as I look around trying to figure out where I am. I feel a sharp pain under my back. I'm lying across a broken tree that is split down the middle, it looks like it caused me to break my fall. I roll of the tree to stop the pain its causing to my back but that took all the energy I had As I close my eyes trying to allow my body to rest do I feel something lift me up off the ground before throwing me back down.

**A/n: thank kkj, readers, and reviewers. Sorry I didn't mean to post the unedited version.**


	25. When it Happens

**chapter 24:**

**When it happens**

Family is scared to ask and friends are always on edge. They often ask you how you feel or if you're in pain but there is no real way to know. You only have flashbacks of what _really_ happened and the rest your mind makes up.

The truth is when you die there is no preparation. You don't get a say so in what's going on. You try to fight but in the moment your body isn't your own; your soul is making the big decisions and your brain is at a crossroads.

I know this because I died.

I kneel down here visiting the spot where I was dead. It was three months ago today the man I love stood up for me and I fell down. The wounds are still fresh and the scars will always be present.

_I don't want this._

Those words pop in my head as I hear a thunder clap and seconds late rain begins. The water seems to release my thoughts and numb my pain.

I twirl around like a child with my arms out humming an old tribal song to myself.

_I wish life was this simple._

Another thought passes through my mind. I get dizzy from the twirling and lie down on the wet moist grass.

I lie there for what seems like minutes and I start to dream.

_There is snow on the ground and the trees are bare. I'm dressed in brown and tan fur barely covering my body. Harrison is in my arms with a white fur like blanket covering him and we're following tracks in the snow running._

_I can see fire far in the trees and I shout help but my calls aren't answered. I suddenly smell a sweet stench that makes my nose aches and my face instantly turn up. I look around me and four cold ones _are_ facing me taking a cat like stance hissing._

_A growl escapes my throat as I stand my ground looking back and forth franticly._

_I think quickly 'make a run for it'._

_I dash towards two of the pale faces and I am quickly caught by my foot. I fall causing Harrison to roll from my arms on to the snow. A curly haired blonde girl pale face with red fire eyes blurs over to him catching him; she looks fourteen._

_Careful a red head pale face says, "Caius wants them alive."_

I hear someone call my name it seems to be in the distant then I feel my body being shaken.

"Leah."

"Leah." The voice yells as my eyes finally open.

I sit up slowly trying to figure out where I am and who woke me up.

"Good dream."

I look over and it's Jacob. A smile dances across his face but his eyes look at me as if he is suspicious.

"Where's Harrison?" I ask wondering who he's with.

"He's with your mom." He says while picking grass out of my hair.

Jacob extends his hand out to help me up and we quietly walk side by side.

"So, are we going to talk about what happened?" Jacob questions me about the day I died.

"No, not yet." I tell him.

"Well can I know about the dream?" He asks.

"Yeah. Harrison and I were walking in a snowy forest and then you woke me up."

"That's all."

"Yes, that's all." I lie to him.

We walk back to my house and he doesn't ask me anymore questions.

I can hear Harrison crying once we reach the porch.

I walk in the house and my mom and pacing up and down the hallway trying to get Harrison to quiet down.

"You're back." My mom says happily while carrying Harrison over to me.

"And I miss my baby." I tell her while extending my arms out.

I take Harrison who instantly stops crying. I take him upstairs to our room and we sit in our rocking chair that faces the forest. He starts to whine a little and I feel that he may be hungry. Harrison instantly latches on to my breast.

Then after his burping we both fall asleep in the rocking chair and I instantly dream.

"_Mommy." Harrison sings as he runs towards me with a carefree laugh._

_I pull him in for a hug and rock him from side to side gently. His black silky hair smells like cinnamon and it reaches his mid back. Harrison's copper skin is redder than usual because he's been out in the sun playing with Lil' Sam. His cheeks are flushed and his smile is like his father's and he sounds like Seth when he was a child._

_Sam walks over towards us with Lil' Sam in tow._

"_Hey guys." I say as I pull Harrison away from me._

"_Hey." Both Sams say in unison._

"_Thank you for watching him." I tell Sam with a smile._

"_Any time Leah. Are you okay?" Sam says._

"_Yeah I'm fine, ready to head home." I tell him. Lil' Sam and Harrison exchange goodbyes._

_Harrison and I walk hand in hand back to our house. When I walk through the door Harrison and I instantly smell garlic and tomato we look at each other and smile._

"_Spaghetti." We cheer as we quickly run to the kitchen._

_Jacob is standing over the stove in my pink kiss the cook apron. He has on a tight white wife beater and some red basketball shorts._

"_Daddy." Harrison chimes. Jacob puts the spoon down and opens his arms so that Harrison can fall into them._

"_Harry." Jacob says back with a smile on his face._

_He twirls him around and they smile at each other and then Jacob falls to the floor. Standing behind him is Caius with a bloody fist._

"Leah," I hear.

"Leah,"

I wake up suddenly and I see Jacob placing Harrison in his crib.

He walks over to me and kisses me on the forehead.

"Leah your forehead is wet." He says looking concerned.

"I'm sorry it's hot in here." I say as I walk over to the bed.

Jacob follows me and cuddles up on the side of me. Jacob holds me close and his hot body feels secure against mine.

"Leah." He whispers into my ear.

"Yes." I say while smiling.

" bet if I was Chuck Norris you would tell me what's going on." He says. I laugh loudly; Chuck Norris couldn't solve my issues.

"Jacob, _Caius is coming to get our baby."_

**A/N: I'm back! Hopefully I will finish the story soon and it will end nicely for you all. Thank you for reviewing. **


End file.
